To not want Inlaws to stay Christmas Eve?

[Secretgarden88]

I know I probably am BU, but I just don’t feel like I get got it in me.

Basically DH’s family live 2.5 hours away, this year, MIL has asked if we would host Christmas and host them all (by them all, it’s MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and their 3 DC aged 4, 7 and 9)

Inlaws and I don’t have the greatest relationship, there’s been no huge failings out or anything, we’re just v different people with little in common and I struggle to spend loads of time around them, which is unfortunate as whenever we do see each other, it’s for 3 days at a time!

SIL and MiL are very ‘matriarchal’ and whenever they come here tend to take over and treat the house as if it were their own and basically dictate and dominate plans. Something which I do frequently push back on, which results in atmospheres and faces like slapped bums.

I REALLY don’t want them all here Christmas Eve. The last couple of years, DH and DC have had a routine of doing something Christmassy during the day (which in laws would be welcome to join us on but they hate doing anything that isn’t sitting about the house) and then going to the village pub for a drink with friends late afternoon before going home and putting milk etc out for the reindeer and watching a Christmas film. Christmas morning we have just us 4 until whoever we’e hosting for Christmas arrives or we leave late morning to go see family etc.

I hate the thought of having an extra 7 people to have to try and find space for, there’d have to be people on blow up beds in the lounge, which is already rammed to the rafters at Christmas with the tree and kids presents etc.

Ideally I’d like them to get an air B&B down the road somewhere for Christmas Eve, spend Christmas morning there and then come to us at lunchtime and stay Christmas Day and leave on Boxing Day. I just don’t want them there Christmas Eve. I just know it’ll be MIL and SIL trying to take over, trying to make it all about DH’s nephews and god knows where we’d put presents for another 7 people, especially as those kids get A LOT.

I just want a bit of peace Christmas morning as well to just open our presents here and relax for an hour or so before having to start prepping to do the dinner etc.

DH has said it’s really rude to ask them to stay in alternative accomodation Christmas Eve. AIBU?

Where is your DH in all this?

How on earth are you meant to get things ready with 7 extra people in house. Absolutely no

The OP has clearly explained the plans they have Christmas Eve and why it doesn’t work having guests that night.

Because I think expecting 7 people to pack up all their stuff and move between accommodation on Christmas morning is quite rude. Much better for them to settle into one place - whether it's your house or the Air BnB - for their whole stay.

He is being unsupportive and thinks it’s rude to tell them to stay elsewhere.

That's so many people I am getting stressed and it isn't happening to me.

No, nononono.

When you start talking about blow up beds all over the living room floor, it is just too much.

I don't think your being unreasonable- you can't have people sleeping in the lounge on Christmas Eve there will be things to set up etc and no where to do it. Your children plus there children's presents that seems insane. Will BIL and SIL even want to travel with 3 kids presents? Suggest they come for a late lunch after you have visited your family and stay in a B & B/ Hotel Christmas night- all do something together Boxing Day x

Yes, I understand that. I still think she's rude.

Nope. It's your Christmas too. I can't imagine anyone being so rude as to invite themselves over. Just do whatever suits you best. Their wants don't trump yours, whatever your DH might think. There's nothing wrong with your plan of them staying nearby. Perfectly reasonable with so many people involved. They can like it or lump it.

It's not rude at all to not bow to other people's expectations and put yours on the shelf.

I think it’s rude to invite yourself for 2 nights, invite another family of 5 too and then expect to be hosted, put up and have Christmas dinner cooked for you…

Not a hope in hell would I have my Christmas eve scuppered by an extra 7 bodies! Never in a month of Sundays!

You’ll also be ruining the kids’ Christmas as part of the magic is hanging stockings up, putting the mince pies out . But to do that with everyone piled in your lounge with blow up beds and you stressed….

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. What kind of person invites not only themselves but also 3 other adults and 3 kids to someone else's house!

If they want to come they need to be staying elsewhere and this is a hill you should be prepared to die on!

We are hosting 26 on Christmas Day. Christmas night is a free for all in terms of airbeds around and camping out.

Christmas Eve is strictly the number of people we have beds for.

Some will choose to AirBnB both nights. Some stay over Christmas night so they don't have to drive or pay for a taxi. Up to them. No airbeds on Christmas Eve has been a rule here for about 10 years now.

Going against the grain here (and I do love a big family Christmas) but I would have them stay both nights or no nights. It seems pretty obvious if you can fit them in one night that you can fit them in for 2.

Do your dc like their cousins? It sounds fun to have cousins sleeping over.

I would say in advance what your Christmas Eve plans are and they're welcome to join in or stay at home alone.

Let’s be real… Christmas is about the children. DH needs to suck it up and not ruin Christmas morning for the kids. They deserve to wake up in their own home, with their immediate family only and just enjoy Christmas making memories without an atmosphere in the house.
They can come at lunch. Lunch for an extra 7 people is generous enough, DH is pushing his luck.
I wouldn’t give an inch on this one. He’s got his rose tinted specs on and if he’s so wedded to the idea, then he can do ALL of the cooking, cleaning, washing up, manage sleeping arrangements, and the “Santa” visit in the middle of the night without any of the children in the house waking up. I’d sit back and watch him fail miserably if he’s willing to die on that hill.

Hi all - we’d love to host you for Christmas. DH and DC have plans to go and see the light nearby on Christmas Eve morning and then we’re meeting friends at the pub in the afternoon. It would be great if you could join us and then come over Christmas morning. The house is a bit cramped for all of us so I’ve found this lovely Air B&B a few minutes away”. Attach the link.

If they decide to visit on your terms, give MIL and SIL jobs so they can control something. Make MIL responsible for the evening leftovers, cheeseboard etc including tidying up. SIL gets starters and puddings. The men get drinks and dishwasher duty between them.

Do you have a house big enough to accommodate 7 overnight guests? I’d book them accommodation nearby for both nights.

@OregonPine @Secretgarden88 not unreasonable at all. You’ll have family everywhere when you sound like you don’t comfortably have the space while you and DH are trying to co ordinate the night before laying out presents etc before a magical christmas morning for your child. Your DH is being unreasonable and short-sighted to not see this, and your in laws are being unreasonable to impose themselves on you like this the night before. Would be totally different Christmas night and very common as there won’t be any night planning activities to co ordinate, plus if everyone is drinking on Christmas Day safer to have them stay despite not staying the night before.

So your DH thinks it’s rude to suggest they stay in an air bnb - where does 7 members of his family inviting themselves to stay land in his spectrum of rude?

I completely get wanting Christmas Eve on your own, with your own traditions etc and don’t see it unfair to suggest they don’t stay that night but would be okay with Christmas Day night. I also don’t see it as unfair for you to copy and hit send on the first response to this thread!

Could you afford to rent the air bandb and say it as a positive thing. Rather than be cramped as part of your Christmas we've booked x so you can really chill out, come to us for dinner

It sounds hellish and I understand why you wouldn't want to miss out on your Christmas Eve plans and do this instead.

But when they live 2,5 hours drive away, they would either be driving to you on Christmas Day or staying very locally to you (in the Airbnb) and then they're still not welcome Christmas Eve and not too soon on Christmas Day.

I think it is okay to insist they stay in an Airbnb but then you need to include them in most aspects. Because of the traveling, because of the costs and because that is good hosting. Blow up beds, 7 guests in the house as well as doing all the Christmas hosting is far too much to ask.

Why in gods name should the OP fork out to cover their accommodation? It’s not really her responsibility where they stay, since they’ve not actually been invited.

Also if you have people sleeping over in lounge it becomes a right pain in the arse for others wanting to lounge round and wait for people to get dressed etc and not everyone is on the same time clock- personally if you have spare room I would give to your parents in law and the other family need to arrange airbnb or similar