How to handle this competitive mum in reception

[bloomsburys]

She's always wanting to know how everyone's child is doing and then says her child is always miles ahead already- so if the kids are just starting to read- hers is already reading novels. That kind of vibe.

She talks a lot about how the teachers say her child is very bright and the perfect student.

It's really annoying.

I avoid her as much as I can, but she is always coming up to me and talking about this stuff. I never really engage but she just goes on and on.

I wish she'd just never speak to me again tbh. But she's always coming up and pulling this rubbish chat out.

How do I just shut her down, once and for all, without being rude ?

Just nod and smile

Uh huh.
Really?
That's nice.
Okay.
Got to go.

As her why she's so desperate for validation. Or just glaze over when she talks.

I do that but I just don't want to her it anymore.

There's not much you can do other then what pp have suggested. Anything else you would come off in a bad light.

You could try headphones to drown her out, say you just arrived from a run

Avoid as much as possible.

Change the subject to the weather/traffic/price of beetroot.

Act as if you think she is joking and laugh your socks off when she says something batshit. And if she asks a question about your DC, either laugh (assuming it’s a joke) or look puzzled and say, ‘How should I know?’ or some bullshit that sounds énigmatic, e.g.
Which Times tables does Billy know ?
Oh just the Caucasian Dryad Tapas ones for now.

My sister used to say "Oh, we're not into competitive parenting!"

No-one actually admits they're doing it so it's pretty unanswerable.

That's a good one.

I did once say I'm not into pushy parenting. Didn't help.

This
Absolutely this

Headphones in.

If she approaches you, smile ruefully, gesture towards your headphones cryptically and turn away.

Is her child reading Harry Potter in Latin? I have it on good authority that this is the true mark of a reception prodigy, so you might like to tell her that.

I would say something like 'are you okay? is something worrying you? you seem really anxious about child development'.

If she laughs and says 'no, her child is excelling'. Just say 'oh that's good, for a moment there you seemed really anxious'.

Then just let that sink in. It may make her think twice about how she's coming across.

I would say "Nobody likes a show-off, Vicki."

I am at that stage of not giving a shit any more, and frankly Vicki needs telling straight. It might be more discourteous than you'd like, but bragging is soooo bad form.

The sarcy person in me would be struggling not to say "why is he in this school if he is Einstein?" .
I went to school with a genus she was the MOST humble person I ever met and she was friends with me! I was the slowest and most simplest child 😂 her parents were also very humble and kind.

If she carries on that way she will alienate her child and he will be bullied.

In our toddler group thwre is a Mum like this also. She acts like her child is the only one to ever do anything. Sleep through the night was a competition to her, ewting solida was a competition to her, potty training, knowing her colours etc etc. I used to say awww thats great but when she posts her bragging updates I just ignore her and the group for a day or 2 and return when it has blown over 😂 I have been a proud Mum but in no way do I talk about my child like that. If someone asks a specific question I say. But otherwise keep it to myself.

School mummy mafia, avoid at all costs, if she walks towards u walk away.

You can't control what she does and doesn't do. Only what you do. I don't think it would particularly bother me, apart from it's boring, because it's just so ridiculous.

I think the best response is 'are you a bit worried about him?' or something along those lines.

I would say ‘that’s awesome, but you do realise that the teacher says that about all of our children’.

Just smile and ignore.
What is there to handle?

I'd laugh and say: "oh well, they say that about mine too but it's obviously nonsense - they just want us to feel they've settled well"

In a lighthearted way. Should shut her up.

I pretend to be on the phone.

It wouldn't bother me at all, I'd just quietly think she was a bore. Are you insecure about your child's progress?

I know one like this..the bragging on social media is off the charts

this is a great idea

I counter these competitive mums with a clear conversational steer onto something I’d rather talk about

eg

“oh, that’s amazing to hear your dd is reading James and the Giant Peach at age 5. You know what, my friend whose dd is now at Cambridge studying English told me year ago, that after her dd read her way through Dahl she absolutely loved Harry Potter. Maybe you can find one of the big hardback editions with pictures, I bet she’d love it!” Then you can distract her with a conversation about Harry Potter.

Or “Oh she’s good at maths, that’s brilliant … have you taken her to the Science Museum/ let her have a go at coding raspberry pi?” And then you can distract her talking about computing or spacecraft.

And so on.

If she goes back to comparing the kids, I would definitely give her a “sorry must dash” kind of reply and then get away asap.

I’d start with ‘ah it’s great to hear how well your child is doing- you always have such lovely things to say about them’
Then if she doesn’t get it next time say
‘ah yes you told me that one last week!’ (Even if it’s a new thing) and repeat with different versions eg ‘aw lovely- think you already mentioned that achievement’ make it sound like she is repeating herself - which she is!