How to handle this competitive mum in reception

[bloomsburys]

She's always wanting to know how everyone's child is doing and then says her child is always miles ahead already- so if the kids are just starting to read- hers is already reading novels. That kind of vibe.

She talks a lot about how the teachers say her child is very bright and the perfect student.

It's really annoying.

I avoid her as much as I can, but she is always coming up to me and talking about this stuff. I never really engage but she just goes on and on.

I wish she'd just never speak to me again tbh. But she's always coming up and pulling this rubbish chat out.

How do I just shut her down, once and for all, without being rude ?

Well the woman is clearly overly anxious and preoccupied with her child's progress otherwise she would need to keep on about it. That really isn't a pleasant way to feel, so I'd personally not have any interest in making her feel worse with smart responses. I mean, how long does this last? Ten minutes while you're waiting for DC? I'd just avoid her where possible, leave it till the last minute to arrive/talk to someone else/pretend to be on the phone, and if I couldn't I'd just ooh and aah a bit. I mean, you're happy, comfortable snd confident where your child is concerned, it's a tiny part of your day, what's the harm?

Could you say something like “I wouldn’t worry too much about the academic stuff at this age, if they’re happy and making friends that’s all that matters”.

"Great. I'm very happy with how my Gary has settled in and seems to be doing well"

You could try ' oh it's so boring talking about the children all the time, let's talk about something more interesting', or 'oh I hate people who don't seem to have anything more interesting to talk about than their children, let's not be that', or a variation on that theme.
But in my experience those people are oblivious so short of avoidance nothing will work. And even then, she may well think it's jealousy! :)

I'd just say 'oh they all learn at different times. Just like walking... some do it early, some late... they all even out in the end...'

And if she says the teacher told her that little Johnny is bright, I'd just say 'oh yes... the teacher said the same to us about little Billy' She's hardly going to ask the teacher if that's true 😂

These competitive parents are an absolute pain in the arse. I think every class has one. Just let her get on with it... she's not going to make many friends with her attitude.

Hire a school run nanny, if the mum persists, say the Nanny has to go onto the class whatsapp- you don’t have time.

I agree with pp that she is probably overly anxious about her LO and maybe her handling of them.
I would just repeat to her to try not to worry as in reception it is about settling in and getting used to the environment as much for parents as LO's. However much she makes it out as bragging, still just respond with " Aww try not to worry and keep it light with LO" type response.

There will always be these Mum's right up to A level results and trying to find out which uni (if any) you child will attend to compare. They are really annoying.

Act odd/weird/crazy, she'll avoid you like the clappers

The competitive parent from Reception class is STILL putting bragging posts on Facebook... our kids are all 16 now!

Her DD is a spiteful bully, who has sadly believed her mother's hype!

I think some parents just have the skin of a rhino and can't see how ridiculous they are. Or how their behaviour leads to their offspring actually not being very pleasant.

We have one like this. She, through her daughter, is in an imaginary competition with everyone’s child on TT Rockstars and Spelling Shed. I call it Twat by Proxy.
Me and two of my friends once had some wines and plotted to go to onto our kids accounts and do the spellings and maths until our kids were way ahead of ‘Tabitha’, putting Tabby into fourth place on Spelling Shed for example. We have yet to do this, as the wine wore off, but we get so sick of the boasting about a competition only she is in. “Tabby is so far ahead, she just loves x and y”, “how do you cope with not having an academic child?” She once asked my friend. Said child is at age related expectations with no concerns.

Put your finger on your lip, look straight at her, turn and walk away.🤫
"Quiet time" is very effective

I would just invent a child that's better than her child and one up her on it every time she starts the conversation. "Oh yes, she reminds me a bit of my niece who's the same age as our children, she's started reading Harry Potter in Italian now, won't even read it in English any more." (Obviously more realistic for reception but you get the drift!)

She'll soon get annoyed of this child one upping hers every time it comes up.

Does her name start with T by any chance? 😂
I know a mum that's been like this since her child was born. It's tedious as fuck! Everything your child does, her child can do better. It's infuriating.
I ended up ghosting her 😁

I'm stressing out because my daughter has been chosen as Mary in the Reception nativity! 😆 😂 😆

Ask her why she hasn't moved her dc to a more suitable school...
Make her look stupid for not doing so... Next time you see her after that say ee have you not gone yet?? And repeat. She might actually fuck off and take her dc with her

Ugh I hate people like this.

I have DC in years 3 and 7 and had the torture of trying to stifle a laugh because of one of these people lately. The PTA held a fireworks night at the local rugby club, and I ended up sitting at a table with the parents of a reception child. The dad told me, pointing at his daughter doing something, without a hint of irony “I told the doctor when she was born that I could tell she was unusually bright, and he absolutely agreed! And I’m right - look at how smart she is, that’s a genius level child, the teachers keep saying so.”….the child was <drum roll please> reciting the alphabet up to F. This was as she kept kicking me continuously with her muddy wellies and just glared at me and kept kicking after I said “sweetheart could you please stop kicking me, you’re getting my jeans muddy”. Such a maverick child 🤣

Sadly any responses will make them think you’re bitter.

But in extreme cases I have been known to point out that I’d never take reading levels too seriously when 99.9% of the adult population of the U.K. are literate and we all end up at the same level of reading. I’ve always wanted to say something like “Good for you, my child is really stupid” 😂

Try singing, ideally with huge headphones on, really loudly.
Or do what I use to do, get their early so you get the closest parking spot. Listen to whatever you want in the car ( peace and tranquility for 15 minutes).
Soon as you see the first child come out who you recognise from the class run to the gate, grab your child and go. Works a treat.

I would do a bit of Googling and find a list of famous people, who were told they’d never amount to anything or who struggled at school etc and pick another person each time until she gets the message:

Ah that’s interesting, I find the brightest stars don’t always shine brightest from the start.’ Then give a specific example eg ‘My friend sent me a Facebook post from Richard Branson saying bla bla bla’ etc.https://www.facebook.com/RichardBranson/posts/i-stumbled-across-this-school-reports-from-the-easter-break-65-years-ago-it-felt/973699964120149/49/

‘X person didn’t do terribly well at school’
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gcse-results-famous-people-grades-b2152323.html#

’X is suspected to have had dyslexia and I’m guessing struggled with reading in his / her younger years.’ (I also read Churchill didn’t have dyslexia. But we can see he struggled from the quotes).

https://www.happydyslexic.com/node/4

https://www.happydyslexic.com/node/17

https://www.readandspell.com/famous-people-with-dyslexia#:~:text=Einstein%20also%20had%20problems%20getting,the%20strengths%20associated%20with%20dyslexia.

Then say ‘LittleBloom is hitting all the developmental milestones but even if he / she weren’t I am aware the brightest stars often take time to blossom. You seem very anxious about all this. Try not to worry.’

If you have a class WhatsApp and are brave enough, you could just put something on there from time to time to connect with others and remind parents of exactly this. Luckily we didn’t have a parent like this when dd was little.

Just make stuff up. The more outrageous the better. Told one of these bores that my son was ambassador to Sweden once. Think they were about ten at the time.

In reception? So the child is 4 or 5 and the teacher says the child is a perfect student and the mum says she is reading novels? This can't be right. And who describes such a small child as a student? They're not studying at that age!

This is good advice.

Maybe don’t make an enemy of someone you will have a connection with for the next 7 years. However tempting it is.

Perhaps whenever she approaches you, say there is somebody you must speak to and apologise politely and move away.

“Oh! There’s Johnnie’s mum must have a word, sorry!” Big smile and leave. On repeat.

She will ask me which reading group my child is in. What do I say ?

Her genius and my child are in the same reading group. Hahaha

This isn't about me being worried for my child or jealous. My child is doing well. But they're just so young and it's just not my style to brag. Also, it's a marathon, not a race. Little Johnny might be struggling in phonics now- but by year 3 may well have overtaken anyone. How silly is she going to feel then ? Kids change every day.

She is racing ahead in every subject at home with her child and bragging about it.

Play bingo in your head. You can also play it with other parents.

So have a list of things and give yourself a mental tick for every one she comes out with.

Child reading novels - tick
Child being the best behaved - tick

When you get 6 ticks reward your self in some way, a nice coffee or long soak in the bath.

When I was young one of our neighbour's child was always the best at everything, had never had an accident since potty training, best in the class etc etc.

One of the older neighbours spoke to my mum and pointed out that genius child's parent washed his pyjamas and sheets every day (days before dryers so all washing was hung out) and that was strange if her child never had an accident.

Tell her there are multiple methods for teaching phonics and maths. Rushing ahead at home doesn’t indicate anything, other than she’s rushing ahead at home. Child may be missing some fundamentals and actually not have mastered anything. At my DCs school at that age it was reading for pleasure only and later a little TT rockstars. No homework as there’s little evidence that works so young and has the danger of the opposite effect.

Then walk off.

“Isn’t that nice.” Very dry, zero other engagement, don’t bother looking at her. My mother always reminded me that this was the ladylike way to say “who the fuck cares?” Eyes stay on your phone if need be.

And “oh I couldn’t say” is the polite way to tell someone to fuck off with a question. It doesn’t acknowledge whether you know or are just not going to answer, and suggests it’s probably a prying question.