How to handle this competitive mum in reception

[bloomsburys]

She's always wanting to know how everyone's child is doing and then says her child is always miles ahead already- so if the kids are just starting to read- hers is already reading novels. That kind of vibe.

She talks a lot about how the teachers say her child is very bright and the perfect student.

It's really annoying.

I avoid her as much as I can, but she is always coming up to me and talking about this stuff. I never really engage but she just goes on and on.

I wish she'd just never speak to me again tbh. But she's always coming up and pulling this rubbish chat out.

How do I just shut her down, once and for all, without being rude ?

👀

Yes. There’s nothing to ‘handle’. There’ll be a bore in every environment, whether it’s someone banging on about Spurs, their child’s reading band, or the royal family being lizards. Just don’t make eye contact.

I used to say “I don’t really give a shit about any of that, I just want my child to be happy.”

This wasn’t a lie. My children were high flyers but I felt that self esteem and enjoying what they were doing came before academic achievement.

Sounds like you've met my sister in law :-)

My 13 year old was doing her homework and totally unprovoked she came up and announced that her 8 year old was doing the same thing as he was so advanced and going to the maths olympiad.

These people are twats and you just have to ignore them.

“Oh, glad she’s is doing well but we don’t compare notes with other parents - every child is so different. We think that sort of thing creates pressure.”

@northernballer that made me laugh.

If my 13 year old had overheard that, it would have got a withering eye roll and a very droll reply.

She really hates pressure on her child, it makes no sense ! One minute she's flying ahead and reading Harry Potter with her child. The next minute she's worried about all the pressure on her child.

One of my friends (head of the PTA at her kids’ school and lots of mummys try to suck up to her and impress her) does a head tilt and “Awwwww BLESS”.

Repeats as often as necessary. Boasty mums always look confused and back away.

The more they do it the more patronising she gets,

”Bless her. Bless her little heart. Awwwwww. Bless you too. Little trouper. Bless. Bless her cotton socks. Awww. WELL DONE YOU.”

She gets the balance perfectly right as they never know if she’s being really super nice or taking the piss and eventually they get so uncomfortable they stop.

ETA - Forgot the important bit, with regard to her own kids she gives nothing away to the competitive mums.

”Evie? God knows what she got on that test. You know Evie!”

”Fred? Ah don’t ask! There’s only one Fred, thank God. Hey have you heard about Mrs Bellend leaving? End of term…yeah.”

”Oh Evie’s Evie and Fred’s Fred. They never stop. Absolutely manic. I’ve just spotted Jaiden’s Mum, she’s sorting out the Tombola for next week, mind if I just go and grab her? Lovely chatting!”

”Going for Head Girl? Evie? Now you know us better than that…nah why complicate life haha! Now, can I interest you in some RAFFLE tickets, first prize is a spa day - we could all do with one of those, eh?!

A mum at my DDs school in reception was known for doing this. Her daughter was a September born (mine an end of July baby) and she was constantly asking “is your daughter..?”, “when did your daughter…?” She would even go through their school bags during play dates to see which ready book they were on and then mention it shortly afterwards.

Anyway, one pick up (after I’d had a bad day at work) she comes over with her smug look on her face and asked one of her questions. I just snapped and said “your daughter was walking before mine was even born! I’m not sure that’s a fair comparison to begin with and last time I checked no one puts ‘started reading chapter books at age 4 years and 8 months’ on their CV” and then turned around and started chatting to other mums (who must have heard). She never asked me one of those questions again.

Slam your first on the school gates and say, "lets clear this up once and for all, Becky" then challenge her and her child to a battle of wits. Four rounds: Literacy, numeracy, science and bare knuckle fighting. Then rip your shirt off and say "its learning time!" and howl.

with these type of people a tone of "that's nice" just like mrs brown from mrs browns boys
(if you dont know it google it, its the prefect response)

accompanied by a BIG eye roll

me personally i would shut it down at the first couple of words
don't have time for those type of people

Say 'ah'

Then walk off

😂 Enola Holmes style.

"I'd prefer mine to peak at an age when somebody actually gives a shit."

There was a woman in my daughter's school like this. She ran up to me every day to check where my daughter was up to with her reading, so that she could tell me her daughter was ahead. After a few weeks they were both pegging level and she seemed very irritated by that. Then one day she did it again as her daughter had gone up a level when my daughter was off sick. She also mentioned it was her daughter's birthday and I said oh that's really weird my daughter is exactly 6 months younger. It makes such a difference when they are only four or five doesn't it? She never came up to me again.

"Oh DO piss off you tediously boring arse" ought to do it.

We had one of these. Times change. We are now Year 6. The one we had in our class is the least popular and no where near the top of the class. The boasting has stopped. Just give it time.

‘I’m really conscious of not wanting to be drawn in to the trap of comparing our children, I think that the most important thing at this early stage is that they’re really enjoying the idea of learning and their time at school’

‘glad it’s going well for you - let’s not get sucked into the comparing game though’

repeat repeat repeat

You've got years ahead of seeing each other at the gate; smile and nod or stand away from her. She'll find her tribe of parents, and they will all compete together, I'm sure!

This. Show a lack of interest. Respond as if she said she has cereal for breakfast. She’ll get bored.

We’ve got one like this. I hadn’t experienced it before but I had heard about it, and when she did it to me I sort of frowned and burst out laughing and said “Sally, it doesn’t matter, they’re four.” Bit patronising probably but it took the wind out of her sails and she’s not bothered me with it since.

This reminds me of my lovely friend who is on the spectrum and extremely blunt/ truthful. In a similar situation I was in equal parts horrified and delighted to hear her tell just such a mother ‘ oh no, I don’t want to talk to you - I find it really boring having to
listen to you boast about your child’ !

Oh, never mind.

Every time.

My child is splitting the atom.

Oh, never mind. They all grow up eventually.

My child loves Tolstoy.

Oh, never mind. One day we will laugh about all this.

Confuses the hell out of them and works a treat.

We have one of these. I do a mix of:

• nod and smile
• "No idea tbh, we're just so glad she's settled well and going in happily" (use this one a lot, just pivot to isn't it wonderful that they're happy at school, aren't they a lovely class etc)
• "that's amazing that your DD is reading James Joyce, mine believes Jack Frost is real haha"

There's only something to handle if you let her get your back up, there's a dickhead everywhere you go and this is your school gates one.

Nod and smile, say ahhhh, aren't they cute, such a nice age, I like your coat, just got to take this call... and wander off.