How to handle this competitive mum in reception

[bloomsburys]

She's always wanting to know how everyone's child is doing and then says her child is always miles ahead already- so if the kids are just starting to read- hers is already reading novels. That kind of vibe.

She talks a lot about how the teachers say her child is very bright and the perfect student.

It's really annoying.

I avoid her as much as I can, but she is always coming up to me and talking about this stuff. I never really engage but she just goes on and on.

I wish she'd just never speak to me again tbh. But she's always coming up and pulling this rubbish chat out.

How do I just shut her down, once and for all, without being rude ?

I know the type, OP.

If asked about my child’s reading level I think I’d say “I can’t remember off the top of my head” and then swiftly change the subject. I think the key is in never feeling like you need to confirm your child is doing well before you give it the brush off. Always give a neutral response and then she’ll soon stop trying.

It must be rooted in her own insecurity in one form or another. It could be that she needs the validation as a good mum, or perhaps she didn’t feel good enough at school herself. Unless she is unkind to or about anyone, I think I’d try to patient with it without giving anything away about my own child’s development. I think it’s unfair to talk about my child’s personal business anyway.

This

Sometimes what people like this want is to engage in a competition so that each thing you say they trump with something else. I knew a mum like this at Brownies who did it ever blooming week and once I disengaged she avoided me. So if she said "Jilly is reading red level books, what level is Sam?' I'd reply with "fantastic, isn't Jilly doing well, which book did she like best in that level?" etc. and completely sidestep questions about Sam. I think that it irritated her so much because I did it pleasantly and there was nothing she could come back at me with. One conversation like that and she didn't speak to me about Jilly again. She carried doing it with other parents all through Guides though....
My DC and Jilly are both at university in the same city now and we joke that we're amazed that the university haven't named a building after Jilly yet.😁

Cross posted as this hits the nail on the head.

" I don't wish to talk to you"
That's all you need to say. No need to explain

Paddington Bear stare and don’t speak

Hide in the corner

We had a mum on the player ground like this. We found that just saying a very unbothered “oh” and gazing off to the distance usually confused her and then she stopped it after a few times. I’m all for being proud of your kids but sometimes it’s just braggy

Just smile and say "That's great! No wonder you're proud of him!"

No skin off your nose.

I'd just keep reminding yourself this competitive nature Comes from insecurity. Nod and don't share anything about your child.

Trouble withe people like this is they often pretty dim; cannot read the room take a hint or register irony/tone of voice/or ironic facial expressions.

I can recall a scenario at work with a collegue who competitive in material things. She was boasting at length about her new car, and some one said "You need to get a fake tan to go with that". Funny, but she just didn't get it.😂

(Not so) fond memories of DD’s primary school. One set of parents were ultra-competitive (to the extent that the dad would quiz DD when he came to collect his child after a play date). They would stop random
parents on the walk to school to brag. Sadly for their lovely child, they cut off the play dates because DD generally did slightly better than theirs. Happily they picked up the friendship again when they ended up at the same university.

Every time 👍

I know a school mum like this: always bragging about how her youngest child was reading novels in reception, knew all her tables aged 4, etc (not really surprising given she’s been shoving flashcards in the poor kid’s face since she was two). I know enough about this woman to realise it comes from a sense of insecurity, so I felt quite sorry for her until she started trying to drag my DC into her comparisons and downplaying their achievements. The way I dealt with it was to tell her I’d been exactly the same as a child, could read fluently aged 3, was moved up a year in primary school, etc… All true, but I now have a distinctly average life and job with a crap salary. She stopped regaling me with tales of her little genius after that!

I knew someone like this. I think she must be deeply insecure. I kind of developed a sense of humour about which book our children were reading and how quickly they were potty trained.

Her son is a lovely lad and generally doing fine but didn't turn out to be a captain of industry (nor did mine!). He also tends to avoid her quite a bit.

Well personally I'd just tell her. Why wouldn't I? As you say, they all develop differently, and in the scheme of things it's of very little importance.

That's the only way to deal with elevenerife type

Why does it matter so much? She asks-you tell her. What's wrong with that?

This is brilliant. Stealing!

Either avoid or just change the subject or start the subject first, ie hi how are you? Up to anything this weekend? If she keeps changing it back to her daughter just avoid 🥸

Whenever someone asked me what reading group my child was in I said “I don’t know”.

which is true. They all get to the same level afterall.

I'd just nod and smile, secure in the knowledge that her child is almost guaranteed to be no less average than she is as an adult.

We had this type of mum at school (I'm going back a few years)

If your child knew their ABC,hers knew it backwards and was able to read war and peace in Latin

If your child knew 123,hers was working out the square root of an egg

She'd work the playground like a pro

Anyway for about a year,it was all brag,brag,brag until another mum (who was humble and would have died before bragging) had her teacher (I can't remember why) have the dd tested and found she really was a bright child-working at a much higher level than our kids

The 'bright' mum got a bit fed up of 'bragging' mum and let it slip in front of her and the other mums

We never had bragging mum again-wed get the dirty looks from the other side of the playground

(Wish I'd been there that day but I was in hospital giving birth and missed it!)

That's amazing, Sally. My children are thick as mince.

I work with a girl just like this one

She's 16 and the most nasty and spiteful bully I've ever met

She tried it with me once,but it went over my head and I laughed at her

Anyway,I was once outside after my shift,waiting for dp to pick me up when her father came to pick her up

I didn't have a clue who he was but seeing I was wearing works uniform,he wandered over to start bragging about her

Apparently,she's so super clever,she's going to be the manager within weeks,was a super bright child,walked at birth,never cried as she could tell him what she wanted,was reading at a month old,was working at genius level the day she started school,excelled at everything she's ever done-the list was looonnnggg

I remember just looking at him banging on-he wasn't listening to anything I had to say,I was just a set of ears to listen to him

She's a bully,she's known for trying it on with her peers boyfriends and shagging them given a chance (I know this is not all her-they can say no)she was always getting hauled in at school to see the head for bullying (3 kids that i know,moved schools due to her),she's been arrested so many times for assault,she's as thick as mince,is all gob (and her gob is loud) and the most vapid and narcissistic young lady I've ever met

She's been here 5 months and isn't a manager yet (not for the lack of 'but I'm sooo super clever!i dont want to work for the post but I should be a manager by now!')

She's the most disliked person in the company-and we are the most friendly,we-are-all-in-this-together group of colleagues you'd ever meet

She's not going to get very far with this attitude but her parents seem to think she will

I find it baffling that anyone would be so lacking in self-awareness to do this.

DSD15 really struggled at Primary School and honestly we were a bit worried about how she was going to get on. She was diagnosed with ADHD before secondary school and has been doing brilliantly ever since, but I think we get away with mentioning it because she goes to school in a different county so we're not comparing her to the children of our friends if we say, "Oh, she came top in maths this term, we're so proud of her!" Our friends also know the struggles she had in Primary School so I think we get a free pass maybe?

DD4 is a very different child. She LOVES school and is doing really well. She knows she's clever, we know she's clever. It is exciting when she goes up another book band or we get a note from the teacher about something impressive she did in maths TO US. We know that no-one else (other than my Mum) wants to hear about it. If another parent brings up that she seems clever/advanced, I usually play it down by saying, "Oh, your DC is a few months younger, it makes a big difference at this age!" or "Girls' language development is so fast at the beginning, but the boys catch up!" or commenting on something their child is really good at.

Why would anyone want another parent to walk away from a conversation with them feeling belittled, unsupported or worried about their child's progress? Especially when you know that you've got 7 years to see that parent at the school gates!