SAHM + Nanny

[Namechang3ds]

I’d be very grateful for some non judgemental views. I’ll start by saying that where we live in central London - Nannie’s are very popular!

I have two children who have a one year age gap exactly. So I am still in maternity leave with my second. Given the close age gap, we have a lovely nanny who is very much part of our family. She is really lovely and I look forward to seeing her everyday.

She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes and also taking care of them both so I can go to the gym etc.

I am really happy with my arrangement and we financially can afford it. But I went to a friends birthday over the weekend, and people looked at me with shock/confusion that I do not currently work (but I will go back in 6m) and also have a nanny. I didn’t disclose this info to them quickly but when it slipped into conversation it made me feel almost guilty…that I should be doing this with them both myself rather than having someone to help

Sorry for rambling it just got me down. But the way I see it is that she is lovely, it makes my life easier and I am happy! And I can afford it. It just made me feel bad.

There’s no need to be so mean. Thank you to the posters who have been nice. Gosh MN has changed.

It’s jealousy pure and simple. More to the point, you’re not a sahm, you’re on maternity leave. Anyone slating you for managing to carve come time for yourself is suffering from the green eyed monster.

wow so because I and I’m sure many others would not want a nanny during maternity we are either jealous or mean?

I think that’s a bit mean tbh!

Cant you see it from my side?

No one is expecting you to but YOU are commenting adversely about someone who does things their way. You do you and let them do them 😂

She helps me a lot - particularly taking my toddler to tonnes of stay and plays and baby classes

I loved baby classes!

I can almost guarantee that when you’re back full on at work and balancing everything you would give your right arm to be with your baby at one of those classes

SO basically they thought you should have given your nanny notice when you went off for maternity with number 2? How very odd. I don't know anyone who didn't keep their nanny whilst on their second maternity leave (including me)). It helps to maintain the routine etc for the elder child

so these friends barely knew you

ok

you were at a party and they were just chewing the fat with a virtual stranger. Unbeknownst to them… you’ve then strewed on it and dedicated sunday afternoon to posting dozens and dozens of posts about it! 😆

I've never seen so much jealousy disguised as " care" for you 😂

They're jealous.

I have 12 months between my eldest two. I had zero help, a husband who worked away and had only recently moved to a different city so no friends. No time for myself, completely isolated and struggling. My mental health wasn't good. I wish I had been able to afford a nanny.

I say good for you, there are no prizes for being a martyr. Well done for setting a good example to your daughters- looking after yourself is important.

Agree with this

OP, genuinely, do what you want, it's no skin off my nose. Personally, I would make different choices. Please don't assume I must be jealous / wishing I could do it your way

Your on maternity leave keep your decent nanny. It makes your life easier. Judgers will always judge. Two children so close in age is hard work. You can afford it so why not. As your husband works long hours it would be hard without.

I think it sounds like a great setup both for you and your children. I would have loved a nanny and I think it ensures both your children get more attention that way too. Win win OP!

Enjoy your life. You'll be a better mother for having time to take care of yourself.

Loads of jealousy-based hate on this thread. Don’t listen to a word of it, I think nannie’s are rarer in certain parts of the country, so there is that to consider when reviewing some of these absolutely bonkers responses.

@Itoldyousoo

i am not here to care for the op

you dont actually know why her husband agreed to pay circa 50k for someone to care for his kids alongside op do you?

I am on maternity leave too and I’m looking for a part-time nanny at the moment. Everyone around me think it’s sensible

Nah, it's always been a bit of a cesspit to be honest. Like X but with less attentive moderators.

This is not hate or jealousy at all

I wish the op and her family no ill will

However I just wouldn’t follow her path and it’s unfair to claim anyone who wouldn’t is jealous

That’s not the case for me.

Not every parent loves baby classes.

Perfect! Then enjoy it and ignore everyone else.

I had a live in nanny for 10 years OP. As a lone parent it was absolutely essential for my career etc

It's absolutely none of their business how you bring up your DC or what you spend your money on.

Sorry I purposely didn't expand because I don't want to cause offence/upset really! I wouldn't judge in a malicious way just would have difficulty comprehending your decision to have a nanny full time. It's just not what I would choose as I'd feel like I'm missing out on time with my child/children and feel like someone else is raising my child. I don't personally see it as the same as sending a child to nursery as you still do morning/bedtime routine etc. which you may well do but I think it's easy to judge and have a preconception initially that a full time nanny is because a mum is struggling to do it all themselves (which is understandable!) or didn't really want to be a mum very much in the first place...not saying that's true in your case but I think people can easily make that assumption before knowing the ins and outs of your set up! I hope this doesn't cause offense I'm just giving a different perspective ... Some of it may very well be jealousy from these other mums but if it works for you and your family then f*ck them. X

You're not a SAHM, you're on maternity? A SAHM, to me, is not in paid employment or very very casual work and spends their time caring for their kids.

As for other responses, who cares? You can afford it and I bet they'd be doing the same if they could.
Parenting isn't a struggle competition.

Yeah i could have afforded this so not remotely jealous but can't see why I'd have needed a FT nanny when my two were small.

I think it is about how people's expectations of parenting have changed. It used to be accepted that having kids meant sacrifices - less time, probably less exercise etc, because you simply put children first and they need their parents.

Nowadays it seems like there's a culture emerging that parents don't need to sacrifice anything. The child must slot in, mum & dad's gym regimen does not need to change at all, no ones career needs to taken the slightest back seat, children must be subjected to whatever holiday or social plans their parents would like, regardless of whether its suitable for a toddler or not.

Even with a small gap, two kids genuinely isn’t that hard. A mothers help a few days a week - yes, a full time nanny? I just didn't need it. It would have been a random person dealing with my kids for me. They are my kids and I wanted to care for them.

As someone with 2 close in age and no help at all, I want to say that I think it is fabulous, feel no guilt whatsoever!