To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

[fryEyes]

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

Fair enough.

With the best intentions, OP, your life is very different from hers as a single parent: that said, she is very fortunate to have your parents to lean on for respite. Perhaps she is wanting to meet someone else and can’t do this u less she has a spare evening to do this.
I sympathise, but being a single parent is completely different to having a DP/ DH that works a lot …

I’m sorry you’re struggling and feeling overwhelmed OP, truly. It will get easier.

However, I am a little bit fed up with people who choose to have a children and then expect other people to pitch in on a regular basis. (I mean you, OP). And for all the “it takes a village” merchants, the “village” unwitting, unpaid grandparents should be consulted first, and any help they are able to volunteer should be appreciated, not expected.

Jeeze.

I've never been a single parent, so have no skin in this game. But you are being ridiculously unreasonable. Your resentment is through the roof, yet you're fortunate enough to be a SAHM, so you're not having to balance work and a child, never mind having to manage that balance without a partner as backup and support.

If you had to swap lives with your sister for a month, I reckon you'd be singing a very different tune.

We had no family within a couple of hours, so I have no sympathy with your whinging because your parents don't free you up.

You have so much that you should be grateful for, yet you're steaming with resentment. Just stop that, and appreciate your partner.

SAHM also have no one to look after their DC when they go to the toilet, btw.

Op, I get what you're trying to say.
I wouldn't wish being a single parent on anyone. I think it is hard on you and hard on the kids. No one to do life with, speak about the kids with, trying to figure out a new stage in discipline with.

However I also feel that they have more time for themselves. And people can bugger off with dh has to do more.
I still cannot spend quality time with my dh when he has the kids?
I just think that things like life admin, watching a movie, meeting a friend is easier since you just do it on your children days. A sahm parents has to do all of that WITH the kids. Or then leave the kids with her husband who also then doesn't have a break? I really don't understand how people just say that kids should go to dh on weekends and evenings and then the mum can have free time. That's also not fair on my husband.He has to work a full day only to come back home and have zero seconds to put his feet up, because his wife is just checking the kids at him?

Anyway obviously your parents do not owe you childcare, we all get that, but it would be nice if they were to give you some assistance as well. Can you maybe rephrase it a bit to your mum.
Hi mum, I'm really overwhelmed with baby and life ATM and me and dh hasn't had two seconds to just look each other in the eye.
Luckily sis is having the whole Sunday to herself.
Or parents could have both older grandchildren.

So you're saying you forget something because you were shopping with a toddler ?
Dsis is not shopping with a toddler remember!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning

ask your DH? just a thought...

Then go back to work.

You have a husband, the father of the children to look after the children. So he can look after them on a Saturday morning, and you go shopping.

She has no one to look after the child, so your parents step in

Then go back to work
or
pay for childcare one morning a week
or ask your parents that isn’t a Saturday afternoon
or
shops are open 24 hours - go when they’re in bed!

You are knackered. You have a small.baby. that's not your sisters fault.

Your husband needs to do more.

My DH does an activity one evening a week, doing bedtime is really hard. Your sister does this almost every night. Have sympathy not jealousy.

Do online food shopping. Or go in the evening when your husband is home .

Or pay for childcare for a morning a week.

Being a single parent is exhausting in a way you can’t imagine.

Your post is very entitled... your parents raised you, its not their job to have to raise you or your sibling kids as well for any amount of time and if the choose to help the amount is up to them NOT you or your sibling.

who cooks tea for your sister and if that is all your dh is doing then he needs to pull his socks up and get looking after the two babies so you can get out and have 3 hours to do the shopping - or do click and collect and have a break

This is one of the most entitled threads I’ve read, so must be a wind up. what a shame your parents can’t mind your children on a Saturday afternoon-very unreasonable of them to have a hobby. And I’m sorry, but there are 2 of you and only 1 of her.

If you run out of milk and need it for breakfast in the morning, or need a pack of pasta, you, or your partner, can nip to the shops- without the kids.

She can't.

Imagine not being able to leave the house after 1900 pretty much every night- even for the smallest of things- without having to take your child.

And

Imagine not having the luxury of being a SAHM. Because she has to provide everything to her child.

You just sound jealous and resentful of your sister. It's not a competition. Stop comparing your life with hers. Surely you knew that having two children would be hard work? Your poor parents, i bet they thought they'd done their time child rearing.

Hugs OP. I can sympathise with how you feel and alot of what you are saying. I agree with some of the helpful suggestions. Can you get a babysitter even every second week for 2-3 hours? Or would your parents be willing to alternate the Saturdays or even you get 1 Saturday morning a month of babysitting and your sister gets the other 3? I'm assuming she doesn't work on the Saturday morning. Hope you can get a solution 🙂

I do understand your frustration but thats a break your DS doesn’t get though. You have the help of another parent on evenings and weekend that lightens the load. Your parents are that second pair of hands for your sister. I think I’d need a day or so to myself if I was parenting completely by myself the rest of the week.

Also, you say it’s hard with a baby (I sympathise as I have a toddler and one on the way!) but your sister shouldn’t have to give up the established childcare ( that your parents have agreed) because you chose to have another child.

Then go back to work and enjoy the lunch break. Out of interest, who forced you to have 2 DC. they seem to be the bane of your life the the obstacles to do many of life's pleasures.

You have (by the sound of it) 2 healthy DC, a husband, a home, you don't even have to get your backside out of the house to earn a living. You just sound like an immature and jeleaus brat! If you think being a single working parent is the easy route, dump DH, get a job and see how you feel then. But at least you can get your nails done in your lunch then. Problem solved!

I'm a single mum. Her dad comes and picks her up at 10.30 and drops her back off at 5. That gives me 6.5 hours per week of free time.
But I work full time and dd needs to be in childcare from 7am until 6pm. Her bedtime is at 7 so when I pick her up I have no time for errands. I have to cook, tidy up, feed the pets, get dd ready for bed, the constant endless de-lousing 😔. We don't even get chance to do homework. I will do my admin in my lunch too because by the time dd is in bed, I'm so physically exhausted I also go to bed. This sometimes means dd loses her breaktime or house points because we've not had time to read her book, do her maths worksheet or learn her spellings.
At the weekend I have to take dd to dance, do the food shop, clean out the rabbits, catch up on homework, ferry her to birthday parties.
On top of that I also have to do all pick ups and drop offs, all extra curricular activities, all medical and dentist appointments.
I'm also a teacher so at the weekend I have to plan and mark, complete data entry and write curricula.
I could literally go days without having a proper conversation with an adult. If something is worrying me or making me sad, I have no one to talk it through. If I have to stay late for parents' evening, dd has to miss rainbows because there is no one to pick up the slack.
Dd complains because I can't take her to swimming lessons because I can't get her there on time and I have no second parent to help out.
How feasible is all that in 6.5 hours in the Sunday her dad has her?
Christmas presents, Easter and birthday are exhausting because that's another thing. I can't order things to the house that are expensive because I'm at work during the day. It means I'm doing all that organisation on the Sunday she is with her dad.

On the outside, I come across as an insanely organised individual who is good at my job, has the Sunday 'free' and gets every weekend with my child. What people don't see is how every Saturday I physically can't get off the sofa because I'm so burnt out and how anxious I am 100% of the time trying to fit the workload of two parents into 6.5 hours whilst still keeping up with the expectations at work.

There is no partner to do the food shop whilst I take dd to a party, there is no partner to pick dd up when I'm running late. There's no partner to take over when I'm ill. There's no one to do homework whilst I cook dinner. There is no one to make packed lunches in a morning or iron uniform or make breakfast, so i get up at 5am to do all that. On the Sunday I might go do something with friends and that might be the first adult conversation I've had in weeks that wasn't purely professional and it will have come at the cost of something else.

Everything you’re saying is completely your choice.

You chose to have a second child.

You’re choosing to be a SAHP and not get a proper lunch break (but forgetting all of the benefits that come with being a SAHP).

You can go shopping any time you want.
You can go in the evenings even.

You can have weekends and evenings whenever you want.

Your sister is at the theatre but you can do that too.

She is literally just trying to make the best out of her situation.
She cannot choose to be a SAHP like you.

If I was you I would be offering to have her DD, not moaning that she’s got it easier than you when she obviously doesn’t.

I would definitely say you’re hormonal and probably exhausted.
Instead of resenting your sister or parents, aim it at your DH if he’s not pulling his weight.

If you’re still feeling like this in a couple of weeks then perhaps pop to the gp. It could be a bit of PND.

No I don't agree that its more time than most get whether single or not. Not sure why you are making it a competition between you ove rwho needs more help. Surely you chose to have a 2nd child knowing you had one already. If you need more of a break take it up with your dh.