To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

[fryEyes]

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

"misses quality time"
What rubbish. You're on a road to nowhere with notions like that. No one has to do childcare because a 3yo needs quality time.

Be thankful for how privelidged you are. You made the choice to be a SAHP, you have a supportive partner, a stable life and 2 kids.

So you issue is that you chose to be a sahm. Chose to have 2 kids and are jealous she gets a day off a week while her child is with the other parent.

You can’t see that being a working single parent to one child who sees the other parents one whole day a week, is probably harder than one sahp and one working parent being there all the time.

You sound very immature

I would agree that being a single parent is much better than having a useless husband.

No, you do it on an evening or a Saturday morning. While your dh has the kids.

What a lot of people don’t realise is that single motherhood is not hard just because of the physical aspects, it’s also about the mental load. And in lots of ways that is harder.

@Meadowfinch we don’t have two incomes, I am a SAHP. My sister earns more than dh.

I do get it is relentless for her and I guess that’s why she is adamant she wants to keep the Saturday morning arrangement. But she gets lots of life admin done on her lunch break, last week her hair and the one before that she was telling me she had her teeth whitened at the dentist. I literally can’t do any of these things in the week unless dh is around or off work to take the kids. It’s really restrictive.

Why did you have another baby if it was going to mean you get less time for yourself?

Plenty of people don’t have family to help at all and they manage.

Why not go back to work then?

@Nerdles yes I can’t see that. I will keep my mouth shut but it has been helpful to vent here!

Maybe if you get a divorce and a job then? That could help solve these 'problems'

Go back to work and use paid for childcare then if you want her life.

Right. So all the things she has, you could get but you have chosen not to. You could get a babysitter. You could get a full time job. You could get free time when their father has them.

@Darkmodealways i am thinking of doing. I am not sure I would get a job with the same flexibility as my sister though, I think her set up is unusual. I would like to have some child free days though.

this goes both ways i’m a lone parent and my mum never has my kids whereas she has my brothers and his partners children all the time several times a week for sleepovers 🤷🏻‍♀️

Look after yr own kids, me time ends when u have them.

I’m probably hormonal and sad today as I’m very overwhelmed with the baby and haven’t slept

Honestly you are sounding quite pathetic now. Everyone lives their lives differently you need to not think about what your sister is doing and concentrate on your on house

I really struggle with your thoughts here. I have been a lone parent for 10yrs plus and I have worked all the way through it. I cannot tell how lonely it has been a certain times and how many times I cried through it.

Your husband cooks you dinner. Who cooks your sister dinner? Who would give her time off when she needs it if your parents weren't around?

In contrast to my life, I see my brother and his wife who have just had there first baby in there 40s and are in an absolute baby bubble of happiness. They are so supportive of each other, I don't think they are jealous of me for any help that I have had.

I’m not sure why people have children and expect other people to look after them ?

Your DH can cope with both of your children, you know just like you do all week. Get a babysitter and have some time to yourselves.

I have twins and was a SAHP. DH worked away from home 5 - 6 days a week when they were between the ages of 18 months - 6 years old. My nearest family was 5,000 miles away and all my friends worked full time and lived 40+ miles away.

Not having time for haircuts and nails or going to the gym, and dragging two toddlers around the supermarket, kind of goes with being a SAHP and having a partner who isn't able, or willing, to pull their weight with childcare. At some point the DC go to school and that's when you get time for stuff like that.

It does not sound as if you are willing to take responsibility for your own decisions in life. You think other people (eg. your dp's) should make allowances for the consequences of your adult choices.

It is not healthy to constantly make such minute comparisons between your life and your dsis's life. If you are going to do that, at least stop minimising the fact that you have a life partner and co-parent whilst she doesn't.

I think, after reading past the opening post which was outrageous, that this was screaming at me. The issue isnt what your sister is getting in free time, when every other day she is making every single decision and is solely responsible for her child. She has not got it easy. The issue is you are not coping with your current situation. Your dh sounds like he is doing what he can. Have you spoken to your health visitor about feeling like you need a day away from your newborn?

Give the kids to your husband, and go back to bed. Get some rest and it will all seem a bit better.

You're jealous of her "free time". She's jealous of you having support and choosing to be a SAHP. You have different lives.