To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

[fryEyes]

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

Maybe think about why you’re so jealous of your sister; jealousy is ugly and can turn you bitter.

She has one child who she does everything for, except for a day and a few hours. Perhaps she would love to not have to work and spend all day with her child. You’re lucky to have that luxury, Parenting is difficult, let alone on your own and working!

You’re acting at though the children are a commodity; it’s a privilege to have children, why do you want to farm them off to grandparents? Enjoy them, be with them, make time for yourself with your husband. Your sister’s arrangement with your parents is not your business. You come across as extremely spoilt and entitled, and hormones is no excuse for being so petty and spiteful.

Yes you’re being extremely unreasonable.

The entitlement of people who have parents living nearby never ceases to amaze me. They are YOUR children. Yes it’s lovely for grandparents to do stuff but it shouldn’t be expected and they have no responsibility for a regular day etc.

Exactly this
Being a single.parent is hard. You do everything. Look after the child/work/cook/clean..there is no break.
I remember meeting friends on holiday and after a short while they commented that they never realised how much I had to do?! You do everything. Everything that a couple would usually do.
Get.your husband to help out.
Oh and your sister also works. Hats off to her. I went back when child was 9 months. It's tough.
If there are two of you then you get time to nip out on your own and maybe have a coffee out on your.own.
She's using grandparent time to do the shopping. Not for a rest.
Altho as a sole parent even a wander round a supermarket alone is a break :) but generally it's done in a lunchbreak so done at high speed.
Yabu

I am a single mother with no parents, no support , only when my 5 year old is at school, plus my 5 year old and 3 year old are diagnosed with autism …. I still manage to go out nails and dentist etc. I take my children with me, yes it’s not easy but I’ve had to learn to be with my children as it was my choice to have them, they are mine, I have no support and cannot just drop them off. And wouldn’t wish to even if I did have support. We all need a break but while they are young it’s difficult at times. You sound entitled that your parents should just offer to watch your kids so you and your husband can have some time alone. It doesn’t always work that way. Your children will grow up, and it will get easier. If you can’t manage to take them to the nail shop and your husband can’t watch them while you do . It’s nobody’s fault. Especially not your sisters or your parents. My GP, dentist, nail shop, hairdressers etc are used to me coming with my children and have often witnessed them having autistic meltdowns. Which is difficult to manage, but not impossible, life is what you make it. My children come first in my life and while they are this young my life includes them every single day. I cannot stop doing what needs to be done because I have two children. I take my kids alone abroad because I literally have nobody else if I don’t get up and take them out nobody else will

This sounds more of an issue with your DH than your DSis

It seems that your parents perceive your sister's situation as being harder as she is a single parent when in reality, she has more 'downtime' than people in your situation.

Hi OP,

Just read the thread and just wanted to say sorry you’re having a hard time and send some solidarity your way 💐

Remember: this is temporary.

Try to cherish those baby cuddles, although I know it’s hard to be in that mind frame when you’re tired and overwhelmed. I can only imagine how tough it is to divide your time when you have two. You’re doing an amazing job!

It gets better. You got this 💪🏻

I have a cousin who bangs on about how she was a single parent and how hard it was. No doubt it was a struggle at times, but she neglects to tell people she had an au pair and her childs fathers family had him every weekend. So, technically she was right but it was certainly misleading.

Why do you need help with the baby?! Your sister has a child all to herself. If your dh takes 1 child and you have the other you have the exact same situation…
ive now got 3 children and have them on my own often, because I’m there mother and I have to manage. Even when the baby was a newborn!! I’m baffled by this thread and your responses to be honest.

OP, it's a tricky stage with a toddler and a newborn. Your parents helped you out with your eldest and that is great. Not all new parents have that support. Now they are helping your sister. They don't "owe" you further help. Yes it might be nice if they could help you as well as dsis. And perhaps they will in the future as this is new set up.
You need to work this out with your DH - most new parents with multiple children get very little time to themselves- they are working, tag-teaming etc.
It won't be like this forever - the DC will be able to do the same activities giving one or both of you a break. The older DC will start nursery or school. If you are envious of your sister being able to fit in appointments in her lunch break I expect you are planning to return to work in 6-9 months so that you too can get your nails done and eat a sandwich before returning to your computer?
Don't pitch yourself against your sister and who has it easiest and who is getting most of your parents attention. That is not fair on your parents and it reflects very poorly on you.

You almost sound resentful of your sister. Parenting is bloody hard work. But being a single parent is next level tough. The mental load of it is all down to one parent. The decision making, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the child. It's more often than not all down to Mum.

If you are jealous of your sisters autonomy it's time to look at the aspects you want. It's not the lone parenting, it's the ability to have some free time. Book yourself some time off. Even a sahp is allowed this! Or look into working part time. It's work! You won't be able to get your hair done while doing it, but you can juggle the timings (as your sister does) to allocate some child free time.

Gosh, I feel sorry for your parents with both of their daughters putting on them.
I didn't have any help from mine. You have to work it out between you and your DH and any help parents offer is a bonus not a right.

As a working single parent of two, one with high care needs, I say ah go on and have a vent, OP. Of course you're being unreasonable, but those early days of having a newborn and a toddler are desperate. I remember spending weekend afternoons in rainy playgrounds surrounded by dads, viscerally hating their wives who were getting a 'break'!

You're in the trenches, but it won't last forever.

I do have to point out, that those lovely long lunchbreaks are in fact a chink of opportunity in your sisters day that she has to desperately do a million tasks while also grabbing a bite to eat. You also have those chinks of opportunity - naps, time when your dh takes over.

Also a general point for everyone that there are a huge proportion of single parents who don't share care with exes because someone has done a runner or, in my case, developed alzheimers at a very young age.

You chose to have two children.

you seem very jealous of your sister.

Sorry OP but you sound spoilt and entitled. Be kind and acknowledge that it’s hard to be a single parent, you have your DH, your DS has a bit of time from your parents and you can’t let her have that? Get over yourself and look after your own kids, you had them!

Well you can get a job but are choosing not to for now.

And anyway, as a single parent, the mental load is all on her, no matter what he’s getting paid!

This sounds quite like you’re wanting to have your cake and eat it.

If your husband has your child why do you need help with the baby?

If your husband has them both you’re concerned your older child misses out on quality time - doing what?

You have a full time live-at-home partner to share good times and bad and who should also be sharing the physical and mental load - your sister has no one at home in that respect and is relying on your parents bc of that. But you think it’s unfair. You’re in completely different scenarios. Would you rather be in your sister’s situation?

Also, are your husband’s parents available to help out - or are there ‘issues’?

Is this for real? Seems completely bizarre to me to be jealous of a single mother? Don't understand why your husband can't look after both the children alone- presumably you do all day while he works, so I don't see why he can't give you a break, that's more of an issue than how much childcare your parents do for your sister.

This sums it up.

Yet again this is a husband problem.

You have a husband. He can take children all weekend and let you have a break.

But also you don't want him to do that.

You have made different choices to your sister. You don't work. And you had two children.

Those choices have plus points but also negatives.

It's not your sister fault that you made different choices to her

Jealousy doesn't become you

I can understand where you are coming from. It’s easy to look at other people’s situations and compare, especially a sister, and she seems to be having more time to herself. Perhaps some of that is also because she only has 1 child, not 2, perhaps the offers of help might be less for her too if there was a baby in the mix?

Regardless, it could be worth a conversation with your parents. There are maybe different ways to approach it. 1. Could be to highlight about your children not having as much time with them, and approaching it from that point of view rather than which daughter needs more help. And perhaps setting up a regular time ie Sunday afternoon and your sister has to collect her child by then - or would they have all three to play together?
2.Perhaps they need to be reminded that you need help too. It’s understandable they are particularly supportive to your single sister and trying to fill that void in her life / help her meet other people etc. You could highlight that you have less sleep with two kids, and no adult time at work / or nursery break with the kids. Even when your 3 year old does go, you’ll still have your 1 year old. Yes you have an extra pair of adult hands but very little time alone now with your husband. Mention the regular day / time so you both can get caught up with housework etc, and also asking if they could help with overnight help every now and then so that you get quality time with your partner.

It depends on the type of people your parents are and if they could hold that boundary with your sister and highlight that time with your children is important to them too. Or if they are more likely to prefer to say they want to help both of you and must be seen to be doing things fairly - and that on reflection, it wasn’t fair to not help you when you asked for it. Hopefully with a bit of planning and discussion, there is time in the week that they can spend quality time with all their grandkids. It sounds like it is important to first talk about how you are feeling though, once calm X