To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

[fryEyes]

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

If I were you, and I was struggling and needed my parents support - and if they had space - I would stay with my parents for abit - perhaps you need something more post birth? But I did find that staying with my mum was useful. My partner was great and did the cooking etc, but we also haven’t had alone time properly (unless parents are babysitting for a preplanned event) - our baby is 6 months old. The newborn stage is brutal - so it probably is hormones and you probably want more help than you are letting on.

Don’t blame your sister - she has her arrangement. Make your own with your family but also accept that it may be a while before you and DH get alone time. If you want to nap - give the baby to your DH. Have a rest.

Arr you close to your sister? Have a chat with her and maybe share the load.

If you don’t want to be a SAHM - make plans for what you want to do when your baby is abit older. But try to enjoy this stage instead of comparing yourself to your sister.

I think when you have children, you have to assume that they are your responsibility, no one else’s. Equally, you shouldn’t be looking at other people and comparing how much time off they have. It sounds as though you don’t want your children. Comparing your life to other people’s is just not right, I’m sure she has her own struggles being a single parent. If you didn’t want to look after your children, you shouldn’t have had them.

Sorry op, I think you are getting an unfair hard time on here. Sounds like your sister is the 'golden child'

Yabu, being a single parent is much harder. Taking DC shopping with you is harder, you could leave DC with your partner and do the same. Yanbu to want downtime with your DH but yabu to expect your parents to prioritise this over supporting your Dsis. You've made lifestyle choices, if they're not working for you, change them and/or pay for childcare. You sound petulant and in any case, what your parents and dsis do is up to them surely.

Bless you, I remember those days and it’s not easy x
But kindly, comparison is the theif of joy.
I have one sister with one daughter.
She and her partner out earn us by a fair amount, they have 2 cars (I’m driving a 17 year old wreck)and a lovely camper van. They can buy whatever they want whenever they want. We struggle month to month.
I’m thrilled for her because her daughters dad (husband) was an abusive arsehole who made her miserable. Her partner is a prince among men who adores her.

She has one daughter who causes her absolutely no trouble whatsoever. I have 2 sons who have caused me no end of trouble, wonderful lads but both have severe ADHD and struggled in school and getting into trouble just generally doing dickish things. I was regularly woken in the early hours to go and pick a drunk DS1 up from wherever he was stranded!
My niece is no trouble because she’s autistic, has social anxiety and is selective mute, She rarely leaves her bedroom. She’s likely to never work, never have a relationship or live independently.
It’s a constant worry for my sister how she’ll manage after she’s gone.

The pain in the arse DS1 is now 25, working full time and living with his fabulous fiancé.
Sorry, very longwinded way of saying things aren’t always as they seem. My sister looks to have the perfect life but she’s struggled to get there and the future of my niece is unknown.
My struggles have been obvious but life is year on year getting easier for us.
Your little ones won’t be little forever, things will get easier x

Sending hugs, OP. I really wish posters would read your updates before commenting!

I remember those early days, especially with my second. I promise it gets better, easier in some aspects and more challenging in others areas but I certainly have more time now. Those newborn cuddles are not the same with a toddler climbing all over you and spending a majority of your day with baby in a sling so you can play with your eldest. Yes it’s a choice but a beautiful choice. Most of the time you’ll know how lucky you are but sometimes you’ll have days like today where you may be feeling isolated and confused. You have your vent my luv.

Oh and don’t divorce your husband, OP 😉. I find it funny that posters are calling you childish whilst offering such immature advice. I’ve been to new mum groups and have heard so many stories like yours, from single Mums and those with partners. We listened, made another mum a cup of tea and gave a cuddle at the end. The internet is different so don’t take these comments to heart ❤️