To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

[fryEyes]

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

It’s not up to your parents to look after your children.

....when she's supposed to be eating and taking a break from work. While probably also doing her banking, booking her boiler service, sorting her mot, finding a plumber, etc.

There are two of you to carry the life admin load. She has to do it by herself.

You chose to be a sahp. If you don't like it, go back to work, and have your hair done in your lunch hour. You can't have it both ways.

I feel really sorry for your parents here.

Sounds like they have two daughters, each with more children than they can manage.

OP you forget that when your sister has her child, it’s just her, no one to talk to, no one to help make decisions, no one to entertain her child if she needs to go to the toilet or to make dinner, it’s just her. On her own.

We have two DC and have always managed to give each other proper breaks, so I would focus on that rather than feeling bitter or jealous about your sister's life. You could easily get a few hours to yourself on a weekend to do something for yourself. Even when DD2 was tiny, my husband would take her and DD1 out for a walk to the park or just watch them at home so I could go out for a while or do whatever. You just need to make it happen between the two of you. We have no family support, most of our parents are dead, so we rely on each other and help each other out.

Thanks for giving my head a wobble. I’m having a rubbish day and yes if I’m honest wish I could swap with my sister who is currently on a day to theatre with her bestie! 😅 i shouldn’t compare I know. I just feel I haven’t had a moment for a while now

YABVVVU.

You chose to have a second child, that is completely on you.
There is nothing stopping you getting a babysitter and going out for the evening.

I am a single parent and everything falls to me, all of the time. I have no partner here to unload to or help out. You could always leave your husband and be a single parent if you think its so much more appealing?

Nobody owes you childcare because you chose to reproduce, twice. Get over yourself, go back to work and enjoy your lunch breaks in peace.

And yes, absolutely hand baby and older child over to DH, say you are going back to bed for an hour or two, and just do it. Even if you don't want to sleep, read a book, watch something on Netflix, listen to a podcast, stick earplugs in and enjoy the silence!

In that case you need to ask your partner to help more to give you some time to yourself. It’s not hard to come up with a plan that gives him free time and you free time.

It also sounds like you had a romanticised vision of what being a sahp was. And you version isnt instagram worthy. How can anyone get their hair done on a lunch break? Even a man at the barbers would be pushing it for time. More likely she schedules her work around hair appointments.

This!

Do you realise she needs to get these done on her lunch hour because it makes her life easier.

I have known single parents who have to do the food shop on a. Friday lunch and load into freezer bags, so that don’t have to spend hours doing it at a weekend.

Or have hairdressers only that come to the house because that’s the only time they have.

If you aren’t happy squeezing things in when dh isn’t working and want your lunch time to do it, go back to work.

Leave the kids with dh to go to the theatre.

Then your husband needs to step up. You have the chance the go to the cinema with your bestie every single weekend.

But that's not even really a single parent v non thing. You have a v small baby so aren't going to be going out on theatre trips for a little while anyway. She has one child who isn't a baby. I go for trips out with my friends and I have young two children, 2 and 5. If I want to go to the theatre to see something, I check the shared calendar and put it in there and tell DH and then I do it. So there's nothing to stop you having a nice trip out in the future.

She's got your parents to watch her child while she does that, you have your husband to watch your children while you do that.

Doing stuff together is obviously more tricky as getting someone to take two kids is harder than one, but that's just kind of the trade-off really. We just accept that we do stuff as a family and individually and that our couple time is in the evenings at home or the occasional lunch date etc for now. That's just how it is.

You can’t be serious. You have no job and a husband and you think it’s the same for you as your sister who works full time!!

2 very different set ups. She only has 1 child and she works. You've chosen to be a SAHP and have a second baby - this is where your issue is. Don't compare yourself to her.

Presumably you chose to have both of your children, and to be a SAHM?

OP, you have recognised YABU so I'm not going to pile on. I just thought these points might be helpful.

1 You have a newborn. Everything is overwhelming right now, but (especially if you are breastfeeding) you just need to be with the baby a lot. That's the deal. Your sister is in a different position.

2 Because you have a newborn there is a limit to what your parents can do to help at the moment.

3 Your sister has a long-standing Saturday morning arrangement with your parents and no doubt a routine worked out around it. It would be unfair to insist on disrupting that.

4 Are there other times you can see your parents? Do they work? Can you take the kids round to them, get some help and someone making you a cup of tea?

It's not unreasonable at all to want help/support/two minutes to yourself. Try to think of other ways you can do this (having friends drop round in the week might also help).

Edited for formatting and typos!

Thanks to everyone who has posted. I think I know im being unfair I just really feel desperate for some time alone and it’s easy be or jealousy to creep in. We are going for a walk later so hopefully that will do some good x

But you get time off during the week when she doesn’t. Your DH does bath and bed times, she doesn’t have anyone to do that. You have a DH to take the kids out some weekend days, your DH can look after your DC whilst you go out in the evening. I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to be a single parent and not have that. Your parents are just taking some of it off her like your DH does for you. You could get a babysitter at the weekend like your sister does.

I completely understand that being a SAHP is restrictive and it feels like you never have time to yourself (I am one too). However I really think you shouldn't compare with your sister, or anyone for that matter. We live away from our families and so never have any help and it would be easy for me to be resentful that my friends have grandparents next door to help whenever, my husband gets the commute and a long lunch break to decompress and have his own time, but that would be pointless! Your sister gets time you don't- fine. Your children also get things that hers won't, like Christmas mornings with both parents or a mum that is home with them all the time so they don't have to go to nursery. I don't see how your parents feeling torn between you both/both sets of grandchildren helps anyone.

Divorce husband, go back to work and juggle school runs, sick days sleepless nights and holding down a job and you will get weekends off while your husband has the kids.

nope? Your sister doesn’t have such an attractive deal then.

You say ‘you get it’ but you clearly don’t. You have absolutely no grasp of what it’s like being a single parent. Stop moaning

Go and hide upstairs until the walk.

How old is your newborn?

If you wanted free time and quality individual time with your daughter perhaps you shouldn't have had a second child? Rather than blaming your parents and sister look at your own choices.