Panto tickets- Christmas present?

[longdistanceclaraaa]

My inlaws want to take us and our two kids (7 and 9) plus my adult sister in law to a panto. Fine. Not my thing but happy to go and be grateful etc. particularly if it gives them an afternoon out that they want with the family.

They then announced that this was our (mine and DH's) Christmas present.

This seems strange to me. They've bought something they want (a family trip to the panto) but are calling it a present for the two of us. It also won't be SIL's Christmas present- just ours apparently. I am not sure why it is supposed to be a a particular treat for us out of everybody going, presumably because it is us who have kids. I would say at most that our own personal ticket might be considered a gift but no- the entire amount of taking all seven of us is considered to be mine and DH's present.

Is that not strange? Why would this be a be a particular treat for us? This is not how I'd choose to spend an afternoon over the Christmas holidays. I actually think we are doing this for them, going to something we (as adults) would not choose to go to but are prepared to go for them.

I think we should be politely grateful to them for taking us and they should be grateful to us for giving up our time to give them an event they want over the holidays but which we would never choose to do ourselves. But no, they somehow think this whole event is such a treat for DH and me that it amounts to our Christmas present.

AIBU?

I'm not, by the way, worried about the cost or into transactional gifts. This is not about the money. It is about the principle of buying yourself something which compels others to give up time they'd prefer to spend on other things to do something they won't particularly enjoy and then call it their gift (but no one else's).

It’s just a present. Don’t go if you’re really so bothered, but you were fine to go until you found out it was your present, so seems more like you’re just upset you’re not getting anything else.

Well panto for 4 could easily be £200 plus. I get the argument that they want to go & it’s not for you so why should that be your gift but surely it will at least be a nice day out? And they could still buy you something you don’t want for Christmas regardless if it’s panto or not.

You’re not going for them, you’re going for your kids.
Perhaps say before next Xmas if you don’t want to do it again. Hopefully you will enjoy it more than a crappy present.

I don't get their logic of it being a gift for you and not your SIL?

Have they already brought the tickets? I'd be inclined to say they are very welcome to take the kids but pantos not your cup of tea so you'd hate for them to waste money on it. Them taking the kids out for several hours would be a much better gift imo.

In that case say to them that you’d rather not attend but are very happy for them to take the children. That way you get two presents - an afternoon of free childcare and something nice to open on Christmas Day.

I'd just go with it OP

It’s just a gift what do you feel you’re missing out on by not being given a ‘proper’ Christmas present? You sound demanding. I wouldn’t care if my parents or in laws didn’t get me anything I just want to see them at Christmas I think focusing on what you get is a little immature.

Seems like a reasonable gift to me.

Your ticket is your present. Your dh is hia present. Kids is their present.

PIL are buying their own ticket and decided to treat their dd to one too.

It's a nice gift and quite expensive sounds a bit grabby to also want a present.

I can't stand panto so I never go. It's a love it or hate it for many people.

I'd say to them panto is really not your thing but they're welcome to take the children. If they've bought the tickets i'd still let them know you're not a panto fan so they know not to do it again.

I'd probably frame it as "we've decided not to do adult gifts, and spend the money on a family activity instead", but that amounts to the same thing really. They're just prioritising time/memories over buying tat.

Tbh it sounds great! Most adults I know have enough things they need.your pil probably will struggle. They thought it would be better than something you might not like or want.go and enjoy. Sil is single I presume. 2 tickets is around 100 quid!

I think it's a lovely present. Presumably the children will still get other presents too on Christmas Day? Do you adults really need anything else. Panto is an expensive night out. It's also fun if you relax and leave your misgivings behind. Kids will love it

You're just going to have to go with it OP, I get your point but anything else would seem rude/ungrateful.

A friend of mine has done this for her family and she genuinely thinks it's a really nice thing to have done.

My parents decided to book a Christmas activity for everyone's present. If my husband had a bitch fit like you that he wasn't getting a physical present, and he didn't consider it a gift I'd be looking at him in a different light.

I'd be NC by new year if my in-laws ever thought a family visit to a panto was a decent christmas present

@longdistanceclaraaa I voted YABU because I think it's quite sad that you don't like the idea if going to a panto and watching your kids laugh their heads off! Panto his hilarious even if it's just to watch your kids reactions!

The money side is just money. Don't be so materialistic. It's a lovely gift and a fab experience with your kids.

We get this every Christmas on AIBU - posters complaining that the gifts other adults are choosing to give them are not what they want.

Now, I get it when it’s about a husband getting something shit (or nothing at all) for his wife, but other than that, I think that the people in your life are not Santa Claus and they don’t have to make your Christmas dreams come true. You are a grown-up.

OP, your ILs are giving you and the kids a nice family experience. I really hope you enjoy the show, for their sake and your children’s sake.

Not everyone, including children, find panto an hilarious medium.

Yeah I think it's shit

Tell them their gift was you allowing them to tag along on your gift 😂

Indeed. I'd actually genuinely rather have a box of biscuits or something than tickets to watch a panto.

I think it’s a perfectly fine present.
I often buy theatre trips as gifts and love receiving them myself. Admittedly, I check first that the recipient would appreciate it as a gift before I book.
I don’t think you should expect a Christmas present from your in-laws. If you really don’t want to go, then become ill on the day and insist your dh still goes along with the dcs. Then make a miraculous recovery by the morning.

Also my dcs paternal grandparents have never taken them to a pantomime or anywhere else remotely interesting. Just to put that in perspective.

That’s a crap gift. If they want to treat you to the panto then fine but to say it’s your Xmas gift when you are not even bothered about going is poor. Plus you then have to spend time with them which is always a pitta.

but I also get a load of shit from my In-laws for Xmas😂