Panto tickets- Christmas present?

[longdistanceclaraaa]

My inlaws want to take us and our two kids (7 and 9) plus my adult sister in law to a panto. Fine. Not my thing but happy to go and be grateful etc. particularly if it gives them an afternoon out that they want with the family.

They then announced that this was our (mine and DH's) Christmas present.

This seems strange to me. They've bought something they want (a family trip to the panto) but are calling it a present for the two of us. It also won't be SIL's Christmas present- just ours apparently. I am not sure why it is supposed to be a a particular treat for us out of everybody going, presumably because it is us who have kids. I would say at most that our own personal ticket might be considered a gift but no- the entire amount of taking all seven of us is considered to be mine and DH's present.

Is that not strange? Why would this be a be a particular treat for us? This is not how I'd choose to spend an afternoon over the Christmas holidays. I actually think we are doing this for them, going to something we (as adults) would not choose to go to but are prepared to go for them.

I think we should be politely grateful to them for taking us and they should be grateful to us for giving up our time to give them an event they want over the holidays but which we would never choose to do ourselves. But no, they somehow think this whole event is such a treat for DH and me that it amounts to our Christmas present.

AIBU?

I'm not, by the way, worried about the cost or into transactional gifts. This is not about the money. It is about the principle of buying yourself something which compels others to give up time they'd prefer to spend on other things to do something they won't particularly enjoy and then call it their gift (but no one else's).

It's not a nice present for someone who doesn't particularly enjoy pantomimes and doesn't really enjoy her in-law's company.

I don't understand why you think that those gifts are shit but OP's gift isn't. That poster is buying vouchers/tickets for things she knows her friends enjoy. OP's ILS are buying tickets to something they will enjoy and calling it OP's and her DH's present. Now that is shit, in my opinion.

Why would they never do that? Do they ever look after your children or take them to places without you?

What is your relationship with your in-laws like? Are they generally good grandparents?

You sound as though you think that getting someone a gift they don't want is more Christmassy than asking someone what they would like for Christmas which is coldly transactional.

It sounds as though OP doesn't have a great relationship with her in-laws and doesn't like pantomimes, so sitting through a pantomime in the company of her in-laws is a shit present for her.

well they must enjoy her company otherwise they would have taken the dc without their parents

I'd rather have nothing at all. In fact I'd pay not to have to go. Bloody hate panto and always have.

Theatre, yes.
Panto, definitely no.
It's a very particular genre and lots of people don't enjoy it.

This how I feel about Panto , my sister used to take ours when they were small .

My dislike of panto isn't snobbish or because I can't get over myself, thanks. And I have tried it, which is how I know I dislike it. What a weird attitude to other people's likes and dislikes you have.

In the 30 plus years I had my lovely in laws around, we had many, many conversations. I can honestly say whether I/they/the kids liked panto or not never cropped up.

Going to the Panto is the exact opposite of a lively afternoon out.

Whether you are or not, plenty of people are snobbish about it. Not a weird attitude at all. I think it’s weird not to like dance, music, singing and jokes.

I like all those things.
I deeply dislike panto.

It depends. I dislike it too but really enjoyed watching the kids enjoy it when we took my bloke’s grandchildren.

Fair. I get that, but for me it wouldn’t be enough, especially when I know of a host of not-panto theatre I could take kids to that they would enjoy as much and I’d enjoy at all.
À propos of which, PPs saying how panto keeps the theatre afloat, employs actors etc - is that because people go to it without thinking? If they went to the theatre as many times but to different plays/shows wouldn’t that be exactly the same?

Theoretically, of course other shows could fulfil the role of pantomimes at Christmas, but the reality is, filling a theatre for a long run of panto helps theatres for the rest of the year because it appeals to a broad spectrum of people including those who may not otherwise go to the theatre. Supporting panto helps the theatres put on other plays and productions throughout the year, thus playing a crucial role in the arts. It also supports actors incomes allowing them to pursue their art and it also supports children who want to perform in theatres which can be challenging if they don’t live in London. It is a years old tradition and part of our culture and for many, a really good afternoon / evening out.

Yes, I get that. But I think it should be possible to market other theatre in such a way that people go to it, so that theatres don’t need often substandard work of has been comedians to stay afloat personally, I also think people would find the6 enjoy theatre if they went to other things, instead of going to panto ‘because it’s Christmassy’, or ‘because the kids like it’. I have a horrible feeling people who have been forced into panto then think they don’t like theatre.
Though I do accept that many people actually enjoy panto (incomprehensible as I find that fact).

I love theatre, particularly serious drama. My bloke, on the other hand, isn’t interested unless it’s musical theatre. If the price of having a really excellent arts theatre that often has pre West End productions with incredibly talented casts is a few weeks of panto, they can have at it as far as I’m concerned.

Going to the panto actually does help cross sell other shows to people, so it helps promote the arts overall to a broader audience.

And whilst some of the performers may be ‘has been comedians’, there are often very hard working performers also involved who use their annual panto run income to support their other pursuits, be that performing in non-panto work or other related jobs like teaching in the industry.

And my final point is, I watched an independent panto a few years ago at a tiny local theatre and it was absolutely brilliant. No one famous at all in it and the company mainly teach and produce outreach productions. It was one of the best things I have seen in theatre, non-panto as well as panto. So not all pantos are equal so always worth keeping an eye out for little gems.

Will your kids enjoy it? If so, I think it's a nice thing for them to give you and I'd much rather this than more stuff. Does it really matter "whose" present it is? Does it really matter if they buy your kids a present (in addtion to the panto) and not you? Again, I'd rather my kids got a present than me.

If you really don't think you kids would enjoy it either, then I think you should politely say so and suggest some other activity instead.

And it all depends on the panto for me. I've been to some really enjoyable ones. But if this one look a bit rubbish, might be able to suggest another family oriented christmas show as an alternative.

I would definitely pay for dinner after or before as their present.

As you will probably have to pay anyway as the in laws will be thinking "well we paid for the tickets" so should be treated.

So best to get in front of it and pay for everyone to get Xmas presents sorted.

They have already bought the tickets. They asked my DH to book them for them, which he did, then said they'd give him the money and that it would be our Christmas present.

They probably just meant they are happy to pay for the panto for everyone. I think "it can be your Christmas present" was just shorthand for that. It's saving you a lot of money compared to if they asked you for the panto money and then bought you a box of biscuits.

(Disclaimer: this is based on our family where we don't do big adult presents, just some toiletries/chocs. If PIL were demanding an expensive present from you I'd change my view)

I get your point. I was maybe exaggerating for effect.
however good they are, the ‘little gems” are still pantos. I dislike the form, whilst recognising it is perfectly legitimate and has a long history. I really can’t watch it, so I won’t be looking out for any productions, I’ll be avoiding them as I always have. Each to their own though.

the impression i got was op didnt mind the panto but she took mild offence that they were her Christmas presents.