Panto tickets- Christmas present?

[longdistanceclaraaa]

My inlaws want to take us and our two kids (7 and 9) plus my adult sister in law to a panto. Fine. Not my thing but happy to go and be grateful etc. particularly if it gives them an afternoon out that they want with the family.

They then announced that this was our (mine and DH's) Christmas present.

This seems strange to me. They've bought something they want (a family trip to the panto) but are calling it a present for the two of us. It also won't be SIL's Christmas present- just ours apparently. I am not sure why it is supposed to be a a particular treat for us out of everybody going, presumably because it is us who have kids. I would say at most that our own personal ticket might be considered a gift but no- the entire amount of taking all seven of us is considered to be mine and DH's present.

Is that not strange? Why would this be a be a particular treat for us? This is not how I'd choose to spend an afternoon over the Christmas holidays. I actually think we are doing this for them, going to something we (as adults) would not choose to go to but are prepared to go for them.

I think we should be politely grateful to them for taking us and they should be grateful to us for giving up our time to give them an event they want over the holidays but which we would never choose to do ourselves. But no, they somehow think this whole event is such a treat for DH and me that it amounts to our Christmas present.

AIBU?

I'm not, by the way, worried about the cost or into transactional gifts. This is not about the money. It is about the principle of buying yourself something which compels others to give up time they'd prefer to spend on other things to do something they won't particularly enjoy and then call it their gift (but no one else's).

Tbh, I've done a similar thing this year.

There was a gig I wanted to go to so suggested to DSis that I got tickets for us both, hers would be her Christmas present. It wasn't someone she particularly wanted to see, and it would involve some travel and a night at mine. She wasn't keen but said yes for me.

We both had a great night!

However, it was a ruse. I just wanted her company and I sent her off home with her actual Christmas presents, all wrapped up, stuff I know she wanted. She was most confused!

Do you think maybe your MIL is doing similar?

Only if you think of gifts as being some transactional event and the amount spent is important.

This gift is "we're all going out to the panto - hooray!", not "three adult tickets at £35, two kids tickets at £25 and two seniors tickets at £22.50, plus a £2 donation to the theatre's rebuilding fund."

However, it was a ruse. I just wanted her company and I sent her off home with her actual Christmas presents, all wrapped up, stuff I know she wanted. She was most confused!

I'm not surprised she was confused? Why all the misdirect over it being her Christmas present? It seems unnecessary.

You are an adult, you don’t need presents. Enjoy this as a nice family treat. Panto is pricey

I was going to say similar, but this post probably says it better. I think it's not SIL's gift because they're probably including her so she's not the only one left out.

I'm fed up of stuff we don't need, so I always ask my parents to get us (2 x DC + me) an activity as our Christmas present. It's always something the DC will want to do. I often want to do it, too, but not as much as DC do. It's more about something for DC, but they need an adult to accompany them. And us having that experience together rather than more stuff.

This year, we are seeing my DPs near-ish to Christmas (we don't usually due to distance and my work and the way I share Christmas with XH). As it happens, we're all going to the panto with my DPs! To be honest, I don't think it would be my DC's first choice, but it's convenient for including DGP in the experience.

My teens (16, 13) recognise that it's about doing something Christmassy with the DGP and getting the DGP out of the house for the evening, and generally doing something together.

If you think about it like that, maybe it will feel more like a gift.

I hate the panto too, so do my kids. Took them twice, the youngest was asking to go home in the interval. Not everyone likes a pantomime!

Anyway, buy all the snacks and drinks when you get there, then tell them that is their Christmas present! See how they like it.

@MasterBeth With respect my gifts are appreciated and used because they are things the recipients want, saving them the £100 to try a different spa treatment/tickets to comedian or artist or the annual Historic Scotland membership (even skydiving in St Andrew's) and not sent to charity shops or cluttering up people's homes. Adult conversations were had, people have enough crap and would rather money wasn't wasted on more.

You have, quite literally, taken half a sentence out of all context.

What i was clearly saying if you read the full sentence.... is that we should each be grateful to each other, us to them for buying the tickets and them to us for coming along.

This was before the seven tickets became DH and my Christmas present. That changes things and suggests it is a treat for the two of us specifically that everyone is going to the panto.

Bit of a crap present if you didn't ask for it abs don't like Pantos

Pantos aren't everyone's cup of tea

I love them ever since my first one with the Brownies

My parents didn't like them so never took me but since I had my DC we've all been to a few

I seem to love them more than anyone else though because I have some kind of weird emotional connection to pantos

My parents have bought us Panto tickets in the past and they were never a Christmas present just a Christmas outing as a family

SIL did something similar to us - bought our DC a ticket to see a Christmas show in London (close to where she lives but 3 hours from where we do). It was quite nice to all go together and the kids enjoyed it (SIL and her kids came and PIL too) but I would've definitely chosen something more fun (like a panto!). The kicker was the DH and I had to buy our own tickets for a show we didn't want to see, and our train fare to London so it actually cost up x10+ the value of the child's ticket she gave as a gift. This is sadly one of her better gifts...90% of them have been manipulative/PA in some way. DC adults now and we can get away with having barely anything to do with her. Now I am older and slightly wiser I would've turned this down at the time but it has turned into one of our many 'fond' memories of her.

it is an expensive treat
and you want more
think of their winter fuel bill

"But this is Christmas! Its not really about you! It's the time of accepting gifts graciously and giving gifts! You don't get to decide what someone kindly buys you. You get what you are given and be thankful."

But what's the point of it? To help the economy by keeping money circulating? I suppose there must be people who like receiving gifts, whatever they are, but for me I can't enjoy knowing others have wasted money on buying me things I won't use or get pleasure from. I'm very glad when someone asks me what I'd like and then the money's not wasted, and I'm also glad if someone tells me what they'd like.

Obviously the end point of this would be that adults stop being obliged to give each other Christmas presents and show their care and appreciation in other ways. But if the rest of the family aren't up for that then asking what someone would like is good. I don't think it's entitled to think it's a waste of money to buy unwanted gifts.

It's not a treat if you don't want to go which OP has already said she doesn't. Not everyone likes panto.

She doesn't want more either, she doesn't want it at all.

What has their winter fuel got to do with anything?

Bizarre. Why not just say - ‘sis will you come to this gig with me? I’m paying and will make it fun for you! Can exchange Christmas gifts at the same time’ ?

Take the snacks and light up tat
say it is their gift and how pleased you are that adult gifts are stopping

Or get them to refund minus their 2 tickets and say it is your gift to them
less hassle and possibly cheaper

I guess your Christmas gift to them could be to invite them over for a night of fun with your kids while you and DH go out for the evening?

Some would say they are giving you a night of babysitting, but no, if you frame it correctly you are giving them an evening of bonding with the DC.

Wow. Some awful snobbish attitudes on here. I don’t get it. I never expect presents from my in laws. And it’s always really hard thinking of things if they ask for ideas. Would much rather something like this. People may turn their nose up at panto but it is a lifesaver for many regional theatres and jobbing actors. And if you could just get over yourself for a couple of hours, you might even enjoy it.

I bet adult sil has complained that not only do her parents spend extra money on your kids that she doesn't get on Xmas presents but that she is summoned to go to a panto that they pay for because you have kids as well. She probably looks at her molton brown gift set or whatever she gets from her parents on Xmas day and thinks she's being punished for not having a husband and kids.

TBH I’d only give panto tickets to people I hate. Pantomimes have to be the worst thing about British Christmases and are SO expensive. I’d smile and suck it up but secretly seethe

pantos are for young children and the elderly, so i heard.
havent been for about 20 years, children are adults
so its behind me now!

Difficult one. Personally, I wouldn't want to go and I would be asking them if they would like to just take the children. If you think their reaction to that is going to start a riot then you may just have to go along with it unfortunately. Maybe gift them something you know they wouldn't like in return then hopefully they'll get the message and wont do it again !

Tickets for several people are going to be expensive, so I’d have thought this was a very good joint present, especially given the ages of the children involved.

Christmas panto tickets from a granny were a high point when I was a child - I doubt that my usually-skint parents would have shelled out for a family of 4 children.

I agree with you!

Basically they are treating you to the panto. It’sa lovely Christmassy thing to do with children and it’s generous of them

stop being so sour everyone here plotting your revenge

try to just accept things with kindness

we went to the panto last night and it was a fabulous night out. Mainly because I was with my family but also seeing people get into the spirit of it. Supports the theatre. The actors were great.

Try not to overthink it and just accept the gesture for what it is