Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

I think it's all the intense emotions you have had and probably not been able to deal with them all. Even the positive ones can trigger crying, or they can for me anyway.

It's bound to be overwhelming being on the brink of getting moved into your new place. It's the anticipation of what's going to happen, are your kids going to like it, what's Mr Skunk going to do when he finds out etc. I bet part of you is still thinking that "I don't deserve to have anything good", because that's what you have been traumatised to believe.

Him taking the kids away is just him flexing what control he can and trying to get to you. Imagine if they happened to be be sick the day you were moving, you'd be wanting them to stay home and get better. It wouldn't change the fun and enjoyment of them being able to come to see you, when they got better. So try to think of it as the weak desperate move that it is. He may have taken them away for a few days but afterwards they are still going to come and see you and your new house and be super excited. It's also going to give you time to get the house more sorted and deal with any unexpected emotions. So you will be in the best place possible, to be ready to welcome them into your home.

Ah, well done! Enjoy your coffee. The dhal and veg soup sounds amazing.

@Imbluedalale agree with all the great advice here, normal to be feeling emotional with everything you’ve gone through. As people said, step by step with next battles, starting with school tomorrow re absence. You are strong and determined and have already seen that pay off. There will be ups and downs but your overall direction is still up, up, up. Here’s to moving day!

@Munchyseeds2 molly and billy sounds really lovely. Always nice to have a feel good recommendation!

@Imbluedalale hope you’re feeling a little better. I think sometimes it’s better to feel the emotions and sadness and worse for you if you’re feeling numb. Although also wish we could just take the sadness away for you and bring your children back and just go and sort your ex out! Only 1 sleep till you’re in your new home!!

I think we are going to do a dog walk and the park today and a roast. Dd has had a hair wash which she hates so that’s one thing done.

@Imbluedalale hope you are feeling a little better now. ❤
Things are always worse in the middle of the night and you have been through SO much and you have been so brave..it all has to some out somehow!!

It will get better lovely

Is your lovely support worker going to help you tomorrow?...not long to wait now and you can start to get settled and feel safe (goodbye stompy Pete😀)

I went to the Christmas Market yesterday, there were some lovely bits to buy, lots of soap and candles, if that's your thing.
There were some decorations but nothing spoon related.

The soup was good so will add recipe later xxx

Morning angels

I saw the first episode of a new drama last night called Moonflower Mysteries, I think. It’s got Lesley Manville in it and I really like her.

I looked it up and there was a series before this one called Magpie Mysteries so we’re going to watch that before carrying on with the new one.

I think you’d like it Laura and a nice little to marathon would be good when you’ve got your internet sorted. It’s on BBC.

All you lovely people’s positivity had inspired me to do a bit of yoga. I can’t do much due to health but my daughter sent me a link to an app and I want to do it for her sake, as I know she worries about me.

Then, I’m going to bake a Victoria sponge xxx

I loved the Magpie series. Just watching her in Mrs Arris Goes to Paris!
She is also great in Sherwood.
The cake sounds gorgeous!

for anyone who by some miracle hasnt seen it, watch Mum with Lesley Manvillle, just stunning

It is. I think that’s when I became aware of Lesley Manville.

Yes!! Loved it, it was one of those things on BBC2 that never got the promotion it should have

Hi @AdmittowearingCrocs , Sorry didn’t reply sooner , signal and very sore throat today . How’s your day going?
I’ve just had a nice conversation with my mum which has made me feel better. She’s being so supportive since we started speaking again, she said that her and my dad will help me get settled in and they will take me around the area to get to know it better and help me get measured up for carpets etc so that’s nice.
I was meant to see my eldest today he said he would come and see me and we could have something to eat but he went out last night and is hungover today so hopefully will see him soon.
Your right about ex realising he’s losing control , he no longer has my family to rant about me too they have all blocked him and now I’m getting my home tomorrow and no longer homeless he’ll be hating that so I know why he’s doing what he’s doing. He sees me as weak and broken he doesn’t know what I’ve gone through since he kicked me out and I’m not that person that he waved goodbye to anymore , I’ve found some strength from somewhere.
He’s using children to get to me but I shouldn’t be surprised. I know my children want to see me but he’s throwing money and promises at them at the moment to make it hard for them to do so.
Thank you for supporting me and being there it truly means a lot 🥲 .
It’s raining here this afternoon but still lots of walkers out , went outside earlier for a bit of fresh air and loads of people were about. Just going to have my last cup a soup for my tea xx

Hi @BeNavyCrab , how’s your weekend going? Good I hope .
Yes that’s definitely what I’m feeling today , overwhelmed and not quite believing it’s actually happening . And I definitely do feel like I don’t deserve this new home I’m just used to bad things not good things and I’ve had quite a few good things happen to me these last few weeks so it’s overwhelming.
I’m definitely trying to change my mindset about not seeing the children this week and them seeing our new home to that it just gives me time to make it nice and homely ready for when they do come. I’m not gonna let ex break me again so I’ve had my cry , dusted myself off and I’m now all ready for the big day xx

Hi @Ruralretreating , hope you’re having a lovely Sunday. I’m looking forward to watching I’m a celeb later.
It’s dark and dull here today and rainy was lovely earlier. Not looking forward to the cold blast coming this way next week.
I’ve sent email to school and I’ve been worrying that I’ve said too much on the email but I need to be honest with them and let them know what’s been going on, it’s one thing the football mums thinking I’m an awful person it’s another if the school have that opinion of me especially when I’m the one that’s been advocating all these years for my children’s education whilst ex would happily let them off school. It’s always been a battle with school and college with ex , he constantly tells my daughter that her doing criminology and law at college is a waste of time. I’m glad she’s not listened to him so far. One more sleep now this time tomorrow I’ll be in my new home xx

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , I’m feeling ok now thank you , how are you feeling today?
Your day sounds like the perfect Sunday , what roast are you having?
I remember those days with washing my children’s hair 🤣🤣🤣Why is it so traumatic for them?
Worst thing was when my children had nits , they must have hated me because it’s my worst nightmare and my daughter had long hair down to the waist and I used to de-nit them every morning and night with tea tree oil . Still can’t stand the smell of that . I’m glad the nit days are over 😂
And just to let you spoonies know, you do help to take the sadness away xx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , I’ve been waiting for your soup update . Glad it was nice , can’t wait to try the recipe. How’s the rest of your day been?
I do feel better for having a cry, I said to myself that after 12pm I wasn’t allowed to shed any more tears today and it’s worked so far.
My support worker wants to come and see the house tomorrow which is lovely and my mental health team want to come and see it this week too. They are excited for me how lovely is that?
Awww I love looking round Christmas markets and I love candles and smellies. Did you buy anything nice?
I think @Apolloneuro needs to write another email to MP re lack of spoon decorations 🤣xx

Hi @Apolloneuro , ohhh it sounds interesting I’ll have a google and see what it’s about.
How’s your day going? Have you tried any of ththe Victoria sponge you made yet? It sounds delicious I love Victoria sponge. Everybody on internet is going mad over Pete wicks trousers 😂xx

my favourite description is still of 2 percy pigs dancing towards you 😀 xx

Same 😂😂😂😂😂😂I can’t unsee it now xx

I bloody wish I could unsee it! We were having a Chinese and it’s a bloody good job I’m a vegetarian and therefore wasn’t having chicken balls, is all I can say.

Didn’t have enough eggs for cake today, but have a shopping delivery coming tomorrow.

I tried the yoga, but even the beginners was a bit too hard for my reduced mobility - chronic illness, broken ankle that didn’t heal well and turning 60 haven’t done much for my mobility. Hubby was there in case I couldn’t get back off the floor and the bloody cat kept attacking me, so not a total success. Do you know what though, I tried it and I’m taking that as a win. I’ll look for something more suited for a decrepit, old woman.

Laura, I’m so pleased that your eldest agreed to meet. I know he didn’t in the end, but that’s normal teenage behaviour. It’s a massive improvement from before when he was calling not nice names. Slowly, slowly, catchee, monkey as the saying goes. xxx

Hi Laura, in the nicest possible way, school’s opinion of you only matters in so far as it helps or hinders getting what your children need. I’m yet to meet a teacher or school admin who thinks poorly of someone trying to ensure their child receives an appropriate education, even when they disagree on how to get to it.

As a SEN parent I’ve been tearful, sad, angry, forthright, despairing and argumentative in the office of assorted Heads and others. I’m usually super sensitive to opinions of others but literally couldn’t have cared one jot on their opinion, only the outcome. You have to de-personalise it slightly.

You and they should be on the same side here. School may be concerned you didn’t update them sooner, just apologise and reiterate it’s been a very difficult time and you have been very unwell, on top of the difficulties of talking about the DV. They may have processes they need to follow/go through, be as helpful as you can in that.

You dealt with the council, you can deal with school.

Law and criminology not a waste of time for your daughter at all! Great foundation for lots of different career paths. As a PP said, watch out for ex’s behaviour to her. Hopefully she’s inherited your strength and determination.

Their opinion of me I mean!

@Ruralretreating you could have written my SEN story but I know they are much the same for us all. As you say the school will support a parent trying to do their best. They see how the system breaks us. @Imbluedalale glad you are feeling more positive. Every minute longer to see the children is en extra minute towards building a safe, happy home. Everyone wants that. Not just children.

@Apolloneuro well done for having a go at the yoga. Cushions and towels rolled up make great props to support you. Takes a lot pressure off. I got my yoga wheel and bolster out and did a few deep stretches. About 15 mins but better than zero.

Here you go

1 squash de seeded and chopped ( I roast it for about 30 mins but you don't have to) if chopping is difficult just buy it ready chopped
1 onion chopped
300ml veg stock
1 big clove garlic
Tbs mild curry powder
1/4 tsp cinamon
Salt and Pepper
Any other spices you fancy or maybe some chilli flakes
Tin of coconut milk

Soften the onion and squash for a while in a pan, add spices, stir to coat, add everything else and let it simmer for 30 mins then blitz with a stick blender...can't go wrong really x

Thank you @Ruralretreating .
You know what ? You are so right , I shouldn’t be worrying about the schools opinion of me , I’m doing this for my son at the end of the day.
I’m going to take a leaf out of your book and try and change my mindset of worrying of their opinion. Thank you , I needed to hear that today.
My daughter is a lot stronger than me especially at her age but she’s also 17 and make up and clothes are her life so when ex is throwing money at her she thinks it’s great and keeps her pulled in. But hopefully when she sees our new home and her new bedroom she will want to stay with me xx

this time tomorrow @Imbluedalale youll be in your place! try to get sleep tonight although i know that will be a challenge xx your new life begins and we will all be here with you every step xx