Need a hand hold -Part 3

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies , welcome to new thread , thank you so so much for supporting me .

Hi @Meanwhile33 , I hope you’re having a nice weekend. At least you have a Pete Wicks special to watch tomorrow. I bet the costume designer was cackling in the background watching him parade in those!😂xx

Had a really good day today thank you, riding this morning, popped into an event in the village hall with the family, and all went to shops. Kicking myself for not running into the huge M&S there to look for Black Tulip! It was different to our usual Saturdays and felt much more fun and more productive. Underlying issues still abound and I need to work tomorrow but today felt good.
Cannot believe it’s nearly moving day! So exciting

Percy pig heads 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m still mortified I’ve managed to munch a whole chocolate bar in my sleep, I thought my teeth felt funny when I woke up this morning . If this carries on I’ll probably have to put a lock on my fridge!😂xx

I’m so so pleased for you that you’ve had a good day, it sounds like a perfect family day. It’s put a smile on my face reading that.
Im sure you’ll all sort out underlying issues eventually, always here to talk to or vent to .
Once my MP replies to my email re Shay and Blue black tulip and I get confirmation that I can indeed have a free years supply of the perfume I shall send you a bottle in the post.
I can now officially say it’s one more day until move in day . I’m so excited xx

Morning Spoonies, I’ve been up since 3am. I’ve managed to have a few hours sleep but I woke up and starting sobbing. What’s wrong with me ? I should be happy and excited for getting my home tomorrow , I am happy and excited but it feels such a big thing for me and I always thought since having my children that I’d be sharing all my big life events with them and it’s just hit home that they won’t be with me for this. I miss them so much I just want them with me . Why has he done this to me? What have I ever done to him for him to warrant this treatment and to keep my children away from me? I feel like such a bad parent for not being with them but I can’t be, I think I should have fought harder for them when he kicked me out. I’m sorry for the rant but just needed to get it all off my chest. Please don’t think I’m not grateful for my new home I really really am and for my new life , I just wish my children were here with me to start it xx

Morning spoonies and @Imbluedalale
I read a thread on here last night, a horrific DV one which the poster has asked to be removed. God only knows what will happen to her.
@Imbluedalale you have stayed with us, we have stayed with you.
You must have been running on pure adrenaline and you must be packed full of emotions.
This is the last big push - it’s like a climber near a summit who is so tired and thinks - what am I doing up here?
While your children won’t be there tomorrow they will be soon in hopefully your forever home.
The miracles will keep appearing, because you keep showing up for them.
You never have to wake up again in terror. You can wake up in safety. You children will sense that in you and in your new place.
You did fight cancer and you stayed. You are braver than a man who has traumatised a woman - a bully and a coward.
Here’s to one last Hotel Sunday.
We can’t wait to stick with you on your journey.

Good morning Spoon gang 😁
after some spaghetti bol last night and a huge portion of garlic bread I think I ended up in a food coma. I'm still quite bloated now. Between missing crunchies and swinging percy pigs it's been great fun catching up.
@Imbluedalale I hope you are alright this morning. There's so much to process for you right now. I'd be an emotional wreck myself but better out than in. A good cry and emotional release will do you no harm! We are all here waving our spoons in solidarity ❤️

Hi @Imbluedalale, I came across your thread last night, and ended up reading all three!

I just wanted to say what an amazing, strong woman you are! I am so pleased to see how much support you have on Mumsnet.

Tomorrow marks the start of the next chapter of your life, and I hope you get to enjoy every moment, and realise you truly deserve to be happy!

Morning @PeggyMitchellsCameo , how are you today? Thank you for your lovely words and for your support it truly means a lot.
I read that thread too, I really hope she is ok, it brought back a lot of bad memories. I still remember first time ex beat me up, feels like it was yesterday. I was in shock for days and kept looking at the huge bruise on my arm and the big bald patch on my head asking myself if that really just happened and stupidly I tried to rationalise it. You hear of all these men that do that for the first time and are full of apologies, my ex didn’t apologise he said I deserved it and that he’d do it again if I fall out of line . And I stayed , what kind of idiot am I . I didn’t even have cancer then nor was partially paralysed.
I suppose I’m trying to process everything and get ready for this big change . I am happy and so very thankful I will have a home tomorrow but I feel scared too. Scared that my ex will take my children away from me forever because he seems to be capable of anything right now. I know it will have to go to court at some point very soon and I know he’s going to be shouting from the rooftops a thousand lies and that I was the abusive one and I’m scared to speak aloud the truth in front of him because he doesn’t know I’ve told anyone, I just want to hide away what he did into a box and lock it but instead I’m having to relive it again and again at moment xx

Hi @nornironlady , I’m always excited to hear what you have had for your dinner . Makes me crave home cooked food. Glad you enjoyed it .
Thankfully I didn’t have any sleep induced binge eating last night . Still got an unopened box of mint matchmakers so that’s good to know. Just got kettle on to have a brew (builders brew). Washed my hair last night and it’s still wet for some reason haven’t got hair dryer so have to let it dry au natural.
Your right. Having a good cry does help and it has. I’ve just got that horrible feeling of dread in my tummy worrying what other tricks ex is gonna pull and what other obstacles he’s going to put in my way. Just miss my children and want them with me xx

Hi @festivecoffee , thank you so much for reading all three of my threads. And thank you for your lovely , kind words. The support I have received on here has been nothing short of amazing. I wouldn’t be moving into my new home tomorrow if it wasn’t for the spoonies on here.
Just wish my children were there to see it but I’m going to use that motivation to try and get my home as homely as possible ready for when I do see them. I don’t know why ex is determined I don’t see them because I know they want to see me . He’s hurting them too xx

@Imbluedalale I laughed at you still having the matchmakers when you woke! I've had my builders tea and you've convinced me to get going on that forest walk. I'm dressed! I will text you a picture 😁 Remember to let it all out today so there's lots of room for positive vibes tomorrow. We are all so excited and rooting for you. The children will be with you soon. You've done the hardest part listening to stompy Pete....think of the peace of next weekend under your own roof 🥰

First thing I checked when I woke up was to see if the matchmakers were still there! Had to get out of bed last night when I was trying to settle to get crunchie crumbs off the sheets. I blame the sleeping tablets lol 😂 Didn’t take any last night as don’t like the woozy feeling they give me the next day but once I’m in my home I will try and get into a proper routine.
I’m so glad you’ve decided to go on your walk , I can’t wait to see the pics. It’ll be lovely. 🥰
I think stompy Pete is having his own forest walk upstairs this morning! For gods sake why does he have to stomp about like that , yes Pete we know your here!
Had a good cry , hopefully it’s all out now . Thinking about tomorrow and I am so excited, here’s to new beginnings xx

Morning spoonies!

laura, I think it’s so totally normal and understandable to feel so sad at times and so important to let it out. And you can always talk to us. We’re not just here for the positivity, spoons and missing crunchies! Every positive change will be bittersweet till you get your children back with you.

For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing to leave, get all set up and feeling stronger and then fight for your children. They want to see you, he is the one preventing that and they will see that. Take it a step at a time. Taking yourself out of the circumstances where he controls you massively limits anything he can say or do about you. I think the book Lundy Bancroft “ why does he do that?” (Free pdf online if you search) has advice for leaving and custody battles and is generally a really good insight into it all if you haven’t read it already.

🤣🤣 and 😱 at Pete’s trousers!

@spoonfulofmustard hope you’re ok and things get better for you 💐

@RaspberryBeretxx thank you for thinking of me, im going to be postive today! having a lazy coffee to start and will then get cleaning and batch cooking! xx

@Tealpoet just a shout out to say hello as I did wonder about you the last few days x

@Imbluedalale the walk/run is done and I'm back home with a hot cup of builders! I think I might need to get the yoga bolster out for some deep stretching later as I never run these days! Final checklist...knickers, knockers and wooden spoon ready for the move?? 😁

Morning @RaspberryBeretxx , Have you any plans for today?
Thank you so much for your support and understanding, it truly means the world.
I actually don’t know what normal is anymore but I do know that I’m tired of being sad and I’m tired of crying. I’m so grateful that I have all you spoonies to lean on and just saying ‘thank you’ doesn’t do enough justice for how much it means to me.
I’m feeling ok now I’ve had a good sob and texted my children that I love and miss them and I’m back to focusing on the big day tomorrow.
Deep down I know I did the right thing by leaving (not that I had a choice), if I had stayed well I’m not sure I would still be here. The hatefulness and viciousness of what he did and said the last few months was more than I could handle . When I think back to things he’s done like throwing my cancer and mental health medication away just to spite me I mean who does that? Or leaving viagra out for me to find and condom packets with some missing on the day I found out they was stopping my treatment is just hateful on another level. So yeah I know it was the right thing to do but was also the hardest especially leaving without my children .
I’ve heard about that book I’m definitely going to read it . Thank you @RaspberryBeretxx

Hi @spoonfulofmustard . Just to let you know I’m thinking of you too. What are you batch cooking?xx

Hi @Tealpoet , I know I’ve been speaking to you on messages but wanted to say hello on here too xx

Hi @nornironlady , glad you decided to go for a walk/run bet you feel amazing now. The photos are beautiful and looks like a lovely day despite the rain. Suns out here but is cold.
Yes got my checklist , definitely not forgetting my spoon. Just think this time in 48 hours it’s going to have a home in my kitchen . Got all knickers cleaned and packed and knockers are unfortunately coming with me too xx

some big vats of dhal and lentil soup, quick to reheat through the week and healthy and wholesome 😇(i can try and pretend 😄) so excited for you get to your keys tomorrow xx

Oh I wish I could make things like that , I’m craving healthy food . Sounds delicious 😋
I know I can’t believe how fast this last week has come round , I’ll not be able to sleep tonight xx

Hi Laura, sorry you didn’t get much sleep last night. Just want to say, it’s good to let the tears and sadness about your children out rather than keeping it in. Once your children see how different you are in your own home and how happy it makes you, they will want to spend more time with you. Don’t forget as your son gets older, he will be able to choose where he lives and when it goes to court (if you need to) the judge will listen to your son and what he wants. And your daughter is already old enough to make her own choices. Vile ex’s control is lessening every day and he knows it, which is why he wants to control the only thing left, your access to your son. He has nothing else!!!
We are all behind you, rooting for you.
Hope today you can enjoy the view of the lake for the last time before you move into your beautiful new house tomorrow with spoon 🥄🌞
Sending hugs 🤗