It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

[tometoyoutodo]

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel?
There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.

Is there a word that combines "sanctimonious" and "patronising"? We clearly need one.

'I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.'

But it was an afternoon out, not a night out! He's been gone 13 hours. I'd be both worried sick something had happened and mightily pissed off if he was so drunk/still drinking that he didn't have the consideration to get in touch.

Really?

I suspect it's not the staying out all night. It's more the coming in home in such a drunken, useless state that you wake up the whole household and then are in no fit condition to carry your part of the shared family responsibilities the next day.

There are 3 children here who need to be sorted for 5 events (3 sports, 2 parties) that they have commitments for today. His behaviour means OP has to sort all singlehandedly without warning instead of relying on the partner she thought she had to do his share. That's pretty shitty. He's not ill; he's thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Someone's worried that he's sitting on the kerb/curb/kurb with the woman from another thread who claims her husband abandoned her!

Ah my mistake as I believed the children were being cared for by their mother. Now that I realise they were also out in town at 3am I share your concern.

Honestly.. a text to say 'staying out later, see you tomorrow x' would be very appreciated but if he is trustworthy and no major back story it doesn't really matter that much.

This is not a normal, rational reaction to your husband having a late night out. These things happen, yes, but the chances of them happening are tiny.

Its intetesting that when something does happen, like a car being in a ditch for hours or days, people ask why something wasn't done sooner... but its also fine not to worry about someone not being uncontactable after being late.

No, I just live in a city where it would be unusual for someone to assume there's nowhere open in the early hours.. I am commenting that not everywhere closes before midnight. Unclear why you're sensitive about people living in the middle of nowhere.

This is very extreme. Are you overwhelmed with anxiety whenever anyone in your family isn't at home where you can see them?

Anyway these threads just make me profoundly glad to be in a relationship where neither DP nor I get anxious or annoyed if the other one enjoys a big night out that goes on later than intended.

I don't think I've ever worried that he's dead in a ditch somewhere and I'm not sure why being out at night triggers more anxiety. The worst thing that happened to him physically happened in the middle of a normal working day. The worst attack I've ever experienced was at 2 bloody pm. We've both got ourselves home in the middle of the night countless times with no drama.

Drunk children are cool?

@ leia24 I lived in a city for almost 40 years.
So yes I know lots of pubs stay open late. And there are casinos and Sports Bars, night clubs and strip joints, lap dancing clubs and brothels. Lots of places. So assuming the person in question hasn't met with some sort of accident or isn't walking the streets or asleep on a park bench or similar he could be at any one of these.Or at some ones house, or a hotel .

Obviously reading this thread a lot of posters wouldn't give a damn which of the above options their partner had chosen. But I would. I would want to know.

If my husband was waiting to "have a chat" with me after I'd had a rare blowout with friends and I was hungover, I'd be thinking they were controlling and not wanting me to have fun. God let people not worry about time and responsibility for once, our lives are ruled by it.

A regular occurrence is a different story.

I guess it depends if you think going out for the afternoon and then staying out till 3am drinking as a parent is normal or not. I was over it at 25 and married someone who barely drinks, plenty of people are still doing it into old age though.

It sounds like it's not the norm in the OP's house though and it's not the norm in mine. I'd be seriously pissed off that he hadn't messaged to say he was going to be really late and I'd be pissed off that he was completely off his face. It's not the end of the world but I wouldn't be impressed.

I do and I’m a woman 😂 Well my kids are older now but I did it when they were young too. Nobody is telling me I have to stay home every night, fuck that!

The last time I had a blowout without DP and rolled back in at 5am, he had nurofen and a fry-up (and some light piss-taking) ready and waiting when I emerged from bed!

If that's what you feel when your other half is out, you need therapy.

It's not normal at all. It's irrational and controlling.

'Hi I'm calling at 3am because I'm scared you've been stabbed to death'

😂

Controlling.

Isn't there just!

@DesertGecko

why? He is entitled to let his hair down from time to time as is Op 🤷‍♀️ what’s the issue?

@Artistbythewater

yeah people don’t have a personality transplant when they have kids! If they enjoyed letting off a bit of steam before kids then they will enjoy it too after kids. And why on earth not?? 😀

I feel so sorry for those posters desperate to prove their cool wife credentials whilst clearly living with shit selfish partners who treat them like crap.

You really don’t have to put up with being treated as the enabling default parent you know. You’re entitled to expect more from the father of your children.

It sounds like concern for people but it's not.
It's just the self-congratulation signal.
You give yourself away with the insults.

Disagreeing is not desperate. It's simply...disagreeing.