It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

[tometoyoutodo]

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel?
There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

also, OP, tbh you called yourself fiercely independent. I'm not sure about that. You need to have discussions constantly, not on the one night of the year (possibly, idk) your husband really kicks the arse out of partying.

Yes but do you say you’re planning to stay out late and arrange for the other parent to do the bulk of the parenting the next day? That’s what’s wrong here.

First of all OP, hope you’re ok and you and yr partner are good now. I am always intrigued reading these kind of threads as really, everyone’s opinion and views are just as valid as each other. What this always highlights is the importance of sharing the same values as the person you’ve chosen to share your life with - and / or accepting our differences. How we communicate with our partners - understanding what our partners need and showing up in communication to meet those needs is also vital. We’re all human - we have our own insecurities, we all mess up, generally we all carry our life experiences that rightly or wrongly can colour how we move through life, but with experience can begin to choose how to react (or not) to life’s bumps. I’ve been in relationships where our values and lifestyles were so different it couldn’t last and sometimes (no the OP) this is where tensions arose - as neither of us was wrong but comprising to the point of changing intrinsically who we were - well, was pointless and unhealthy.

If I was out of contact and it was 3am I'd hope my partner would be at least mildly concerned.

U OK hun?

Its really not normal or healthy to be so afraid of something like that happening that you would fixate on it the way you are.

There's always a poster (or three) on these threads accusing the OP of having low standards/a low bar because her husband has gone out on the piss.
It's insulting and deliberately so.
It's just the poster taking the opportunity to put the boot into someone else so they can momentarily feel like they're better and have got it all sewn up.
It's not to be helpful.

Totally unhinged aren’t they. Maybe it’s a child using Mummy’s phone. Adults don’t actually speak like that..

Time he grew up. So many of these posts recently.

It isn't cool to be cool about a selfish prick getting pissed.

It isn't cool to be pissed once you reach adulthood. it's embarrassing to watch.

I’m at an age where I know how to have fun without getting completely plastered like I did in my younger years. It’s a balance of enjoying the company of my friends in a lucid state and being able to handle my big girl responsibilities the following day. Same for DH—he has his big boy responsibilities, and it would be very inconsiderate to dump all of them on me after a night out where the only way he knew how to enjoy himself was by getting completely trollied. My days of having any interest in a drunk boy in a kebab shop at 3am are long gone.

Quite. It’s ridiculous.

Communication is key. Had her dh messaged earlier on in the evening saying it was going to be a very late night, I’m sure OP would not have worried, and not come onto MN. It’s easy at the dead of night to have all sorts of scenarios going through your head when someone goes awol for a period of time,when that’s not the norm for that person. OP came on here just for a bit of support and again, some MN feel a rant at the OP is the right response. Ladies - be supportive. There but for the grace of God and all that….

Not fixated. If I didn't hear from someone and it got to 3am I'd be wondering if they were OK. I wouldn't automatically leap to Manchester canal pusher but things happen on nights out.

I live literally in the middle of rural nowhere, and when i go out i either stay out (hotel, friend) or i drive and don't drink (or i get a lift)

If OPs husband was dead in a ditch, he wouldn't have answered the phone either. And if you call the police on a "missing" adult at 3am, they will tell you that they're not looking, he probably is in a club or a lock in (or indeed out with his special ladyfriend, who knows?). Worrying about it helps nobody.

I am assuming that most of you take your phones to your bedroom. I have never understood that but each to his own. If my DH is out (or if i am out without him) i or he texts "going to bed now, night, have fun" and the phone stays in the living room.

When the DC were small and we had plans? i relied on the help of friends, neighbours and other parents at activities, ran myself ragged for half a day, and on Sunday i got a lie in, breakfast in bed and DH did the parenting.

It was an ongoing conversation with us when events were coming up. Still is, tbh, even though we live on our own now.

And sneering at anyone who stays out after 10pm

Im in my 50’s and go out dancing until 4/5/6am a few times a year. I love walking home as the sun comes up. Not a big drinker so im never ‘rolling in a gutter’ but just out loving the music. Its only my feet that stop me these days - they’re ageing faster than my mind 😀

I guess it is what you are used to, the messaging in childhood and experiences. These days my all nighters are on long haul flights fortunately!

I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this.

If it's not a regular occurrence I'd let it go.

She snooted.

Yet she was unable to understand that other people's experiences are just as valid as her own and she doesn't set the bar.

Personally, I think time out is good for parents, so long as it's shared equally and accordingly.
It's definitely not something to be sanctimonious about.

"I am trying to imagine the brief and beautiful days of a brand new newborn baby that are so precious and fleeting being wasted like this."

It's a night out. Come on.

I wouldn’t care that he was still out (once I’d confirmed he was ok), i wouldn’t care that he’d been out since 2pm or that he’s only text
once in that time.

I don’t usually text more than once when I’m out, I’m sure my husband would contact me if there was an issue without me needing to text all the time and vice versa when he is out.

What? 😂Who mentioned anything about new born babies!? You are very dramatic.

I agree. I think it’s really important to have a life other than being a parent and a wife (or husband)

A few nights out a year for either party is no problem at all. It’s only if it’s too often or one sided that it needs to be addressed imo.