It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

[tometoyoutodo]

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel?
There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

I’m defo not a cool wife! And tbh my reaction was more to some of the ridiculous comments on here by one particular poster, you seem pretty normal 😂

You're not being unreasonable! My DH rarely goes out but when he does he acts like a teenager, drinks far too much, doesn't message, staggers in at 3am, wakes the house up, never sleeps in the spare room as I request (presumably just forgets) and then on a Sunday morning I end up having to do all the driving he'd normally do to kids sports as he's not fit to drive.
On the other hand, I rarely go out but when I do, I know my drinking limits, tip toe in the house, remember to sleep in the spare room if I've had too much drink and never drink too much if I know I have to drive in the morning.
Men really are held to lower standards!

Only on mums net

I’m with you, OP. Going out til late is one thing but getting shitfaced to the point you can’t talk or be present for your family’s weekend is not acceptable when you have children. You have to leave that to your actual child-free time, not simply when you’re expecting your spouse to deal with the lot while you’re vomiting in bed.

I have no issue with DH going out until God knows what time and getting drunk as he does it so very rarely (work Christmas do), I would have a problem if he did it on a day that meant I was dealing with 3 DCs worth of weekend sports and two birthday parties in one day on my own with no prior discussion.

Just because you are married or in a relationship and have children you are not joined at the hip. It’s healthy for a relationship to spend some time apart and as long as both parents generally share looking after the children and household tasks what is the problem? It would have been nice if Op’s husband had said he was going to be late but after a few drinks he probably didn’t think . He is home now and no harm done .

He could have been face down in a ditch for all op knew.

Some clubs are open until 6am ish. The OPs husband was in one until 4

He could also also have been on a plane to Malta, flying a Kite at the beach or on safari but he wasnt and it would be unreasonable to consider all of the things he hypothetically could be doing when you know he’s on a night out with friends.

give your head a wobble love.

If op chooses this for her life, and all that comes with it - that is a matter for her. She needs to know there is however a choice, and many people choose a wholesome lifestyle that is a world away from this. She either accepts this outcome or she makes it a red line. It’s her life, her choice.

Stop with the misogynistic comments. Not acceptable on here.

I think more people end up dead in the water on nights out than on safari...

Agree with this - after 32 years together this is pretty much the way we operate. There is an assumption either one of us will be back from a night out by 11/1130, especially if using the train, and an unspoken agreement that we text if we think we’ll go past this. No permission needed to do it but obviously the other party can be justifiably miffed if there is a significant family event/couple of kids activities for which we were tag teaming on the chauffeuring duties, that they would have to cover (tbh, in our marriage this has never happened as both would get ourselves home and up in the morning if we have a known commitment).

In this case, if my DH left for a work do at 2pm and had not contacted me to let me know he was stopping out after 11, I’d be rather miffed, as I would obviously worry without his heads up that all was okay. It wouldn’t be relationship ending… he’d just need to suffer the hoovering around the bed at 8am the next morning and the dogs ‘accidentally’ being allowed into the bedroom to jump all over his head 🤣

give your head a wobble love.

My head doesn't need a wobble. I read my local news and as it comes up to festive party time there are frequently people reported missing on nights out. They fall in the water and die every year.

so the discussion about him going out was carried out before all these things were arranged?

Because in that case you should have not agreed to everything, asked him to be home in a state that he could take over some of the running around, asked other parents with DCs attending these if they could help out this once... etc etc

any number of adult conversations to be had here.

Glad he's safe.
Everyone let's off steam now and then and goes over the top. I've been there. Went for work lunch and rolled home at 4am. It happens.

I would be pissed off he woke the whole house up but no point arguing about it at 6am.

Let him wallow today but make it very clear this works both ways and you get a day/evening to yourself in the very near future.

Enjoy!

You honest sounds like a great mum and wife. Your DH is going feel rather poorly Id say for next couple of days that is sometimes best revenge.

Just stop before you are banned.

And even more end up coming home when the club closes. Like OPs husband. So if we’re talking probability thats probably the outcome you should be focusing on, no?

I have seen literally a million* "DH is out late/didn't come home at all" threads in many years on this site. Know how often the person had come to physical harm? Never ever. Ever. Even slightly. 100% of the time they were pissed, 1% of the time they were pissed and banged up overnight because of their own idiocy.

If you have massive anxiety about someone being out that's an issue for the anxiety-haver to deal with, not a reflection of reality.

*This may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight.

Lots of men defending the indefensible.

You sound super fun 🤭

Depends on what you fear most really doesn't it

I am aware clubs are open.
I am aware this is how a lot of men just "happen" to end up in strip clubs and lap dancing places.
If you are OK with your partner going to one of these then good for you.
OP has not said what type of club he ended up in and tbf perhaps it might not bother her if he did go to one of these places.
I can only speak for myself but if my DH/ DP went to a strip club or similar the relationship would be over.