Page 10 | It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

tometoyoutodo · 2024-11-16T03:25:07+00:00

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel? There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

Disturbia81 · 16/11/2024 15:55

Waitingfordoggo · 16/11/2024 14:23

DH does this every so often. Maybe once every few years. I do get annoyed if he doesn’t text to let me know he’s ok/staying out later than planned/crashing at a friend’s. I do also get annoyed if he comes home really hammered because then he’s noisy. But apart from that, I have no issue with him staying out very late/all night. He is a good person, a lovely partner, an excellent dad and a hard worker. I don’t personally find anything grim in someone who is otherwise responsible and sensible having a blowout once in a blue moon. You only live once and sometimes a bit of spontaneity can make us feel young again.

My DH would also not have a problem with me doing the same- I haven’t for a very long time mainly because I can barely drink these days and don’t like being out late. But DH wouldn’t mind if I did.

I’m not a ‘cool wife’ by any stretch- just someone who thinks it’s ok for an adult to occasionally go on a bit of a bender if they’ve otherwise got their shit together and are a stable, reliable partner and parent.

But why are you getting annoyed even though it's every few years and he's a great husband?

whistlinginthedark · 16/11/2024 15:55

Artistbythewater · 16/11/2024 06:15

Some people have such a low, low bar.
Most of us should want to share our lives with mature, considerate partners that have got their shit together for their beloved children, not rolling around in a gutter somewhere at 3am.

I have been out many many times until after 3am, not once was I " rolling in the gutter". Maybe says more about you than you realise.

Waitingfordoggo · 16/11/2024 18:08

@Disturbia81- annoyed if it gets very late and he doesn't communicate with a text to let me know where he is or roughly what time he'll be back- in exactly the same way I get annoyed with my teenagers if they don't let me know their plans- purely because if I don't hear from them, I will worry and my mind will conjure up dreadful but unlikely scenarios ie that they are dead (I am prone to catastrophising thanks to my lifelong anxiety).

Annoyed if he comes in noisy drunk because it disturbs my sleep and I value my sleep.

And when I say 'annoyed' I mean just that- mildly irritated, irked. It isn't a big deal though and has never caused an argument. Last time DH went on a bender, he very sensibly took himself to the spare room when he got back so as not to disturb me. I was quite impressed given how utterly bollocksed he was that he thought to do that 😂

Disturbia81 · 16/11/2024 18:11

Waitingfordoggo · 16/11/2024 18:08

@Disturbia81- annoyed if it gets very late and he doesn't communicate with a text to let me know where he is or roughly what time he'll be back- in exactly the same way I get annoyed with my teenagers if they don't let me know their plans- purely because if I don't hear from them, I will worry and my mind will conjure up dreadful but unlikely scenarios ie that they are dead (I am prone to catastrophising thanks to my lifelong anxiety).

Annoyed if he comes in noisy drunk because it disturbs my sleep and I value my sleep.

And when I say 'annoyed' I mean just that- mildly irritated, irked. It isn't a big deal though and has never caused an argument. Last time DH went on a bender, he very sensibly took himself to the spare room when he got back so as not to disturb me. I was quite impressed given how utterly bollocksed he was that he thought to do that 😂

That is impressive 😂
Fair enough, I understand the worry if you have anxiety, just a text would solve that

Wishicouldnotcare · 16/11/2024 18:12

DurinsBane · 16/11/2024 15:34

Apart from you, who mentioned a strip club?! Normal clubs are open until the time I said.

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And your point is?

Pickledprawn · 16/11/2024 21:12

I remember my partner going on a lads holiday and one of them got arrested. His poor wife was the last one to know. I think it is common courtesy to let your partner know that you are safe on a night out and you aren't in hospital/arrested/stuck in a ditch.

MintGlitter · 16/11/2024 21:29

We often go on parent nights out for our kids' sports clubs.

Last time there was a dads' night one of the other mums commented on how pissed off she was her DH had come home so late.

I honestly had no idea when DH got home... because I was asleep and never asked him 😳

I never expect updates of when he'll be home, he's not a teenager and I'm not his mum. I get being pissed off if the entire next day was written off, but even then if it was a one off it wouldn't bother me.

Artistbythewater · 16/11/2024 21:39

Reading some of these posts you can tell they are exactly the same people that are blindsided when something unexpected happens to their dhs.The writing is on the wall in many cases. Wilful avoidance.

AlexisP90 · 16/11/2024 21:58

I find some of these replies wild.

It's fucking hard being an adult. In general. Kids or no kids it's tough.

Sometimes we run wild like we are teenagers. It's not ideal but sometimes it's needed.

It's been a long time since I got home at 6am but if I did DP would call me an idiot tell me to text him next time and be done with it.

OPs husband should have texted but everyone is OK no one had an affair and the world is fine.

MintGlitter · 16/11/2024 21:59

Artistbythewater · 16/11/2024 21:39

Reading some of these posts you can tell they are exactly the same people that are blindsided when something unexpected happens to their dhs.The writing is on the wall in many cases. Wilful avoidance.

Huh? Aren't most people blindsided by unexpected things?

Please share your wisdom.

TrishM80 · 17/11/2024 07:54

Gingerlingerlonger · 16/11/2024 04:57

It's not controlling nor odd. It's fear. Fear that the person you love and is the father/mother of your shared children is lying in the street having been stabbed or beaten, alone in the middle of the night.

Once that worry enters your head, it quickly becomes all consuming. It is a dangerous world and only fools pretend these things don't happen.

What a way to live.

TrishM80 · 17/11/2024 07:57

christmasearly · 16/11/2024 08:17

Only on mums net

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Only on mumsnet what? People are allowed go out and enjoy themselves from time to time without constantly having to "check in" with the controller at home!

InWalksBarberalla · 17/11/2024 09:41

Artistbythewater · 16/11/2024 21:39

Reading some of these posts you can tell they are exactly the same people that are blindsided when something unexpected happens to their dhs.The writing is on the wall in many cases. Wilful avoidance.

Both me and my DH have had quite a few big nights out over the years. Sure I'll be blindsided if he gets stabbed on his next night out, but I don't know what stressing about all his previous nights out would achieve. It's still much more dangerous getting in a car on a day to day basis they going out to 3am