It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

[tometoyoutodo]

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel?
There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

So won’t even be fit to interact if he takes them by bus OP? Oh dear. I’d be majorly pissed off.

It's not so bad if you don’t have DC, but even then we worry about our spouses don’t we? DH rang me at 11:30 one night as I wasn’t home and he’d forgotten that the place I was coming back from takes longer by train after 10pm. I appreciated the thought.

Not so cool but the doormat girls. Undoubtedly remembering to thank the men for wiping their feet on the way out… and in - it appears. I am cringing for this poor woman. I am furious with the little shit festering in his pit with indifference.

And ops response is to talk about shopping!

Op book some counselling and explore why the fuck this is acceptable to you, and your avoidance tactics.

I'm far from a cool wife, probably just a bit older and been round the block a few times. I'm more rational these days. I'm not saying you're not rational, but as time goes on I just don't have the energy to care 😂

There's no need to onsult other women for not doing life the same way as you. Surely you are secure enough in your own values not to have to do this?
OP asked a question and different women answered it in different ways. No one is 'a cool wife' and no one is 'an uptight shrew' can we just stop with this nonsense. People are different.
I'd be pissed off if my DH said he'd be home at a certain time then wasn't. But I also do not think it's odd to be out till morning if you go on a night out (planned). Like I said my DH has been out watching the boxing abd isn't home yet. But he told me that in advance.
I myself go out all night if I go out.
I do not think either of us are irresponsible or 'drug users' or any of the nonsense some people have accused people who go out all night of on this thread.

My best friend's DH was knocked down by a car in the middle of the night while staggering home from a night out and was left dying in the street.
The driver checked to see if he was dead or not and then just drove off (was seen on a ring camera).
She never worried about her DH and his nights out because he was a grown arse man...until he didn't come home again.

It happens. Granted it doesn't happen all the time but it still happens.

A text to just say you're alive and ok costs nothing and saves a lot of angst in the middle of the night when everything is magnified. It's just basic consideration really.

@Artistbythewater Oh come on, I am not a poor woman and the shopping comment was joke. You can stop with your cringing now. I'm having a lovely morning with my coffee chatting away with my DCs and listening to a podcast, I'm not whimpering in the corner.

Late night bars; an “all back to mine” , walking about trying to find a late night bar; getting a late night take away; everything taking longer because drinking has usually been involved. Wanting to stay out late usually means one or more of these : you’re having a great time with people you like + you enjoy drinking; there are things you need / your colleagues need to discuss/work thru; you just enjoy drinking and /or need to let off steam; you’re u happy and escaping they staying out late; you are wanting to or are having an affair

Yup thank you. It happens pretty much every weekend in some places. Someone will fall in the water. Get hypothermia. Get stabbed. Just quietly have a heart attack and die with no one noticing until the next morning when the cleaner comes to do the loos.

I'm a mature and considerate partner.
I also occasionally stay out until the early hours on a night out if I'm having fun.

I'm usually dancing in a club or back at a friend's house. It's never involved rolling around in a gutter.

And with the update regarding the OPs DH basically slacking off parenting in general, not just this weekend, it does sound like he's a twat and she has a right to be annoyed abd bring it up.
But that's all of the stuff together not just the night out. It is perfectly possible to be a good parent and enjoy a full night our from time to time. Sadly doesn't sound like that's what's happening here tho.

Just let him enjoy himself and stop being weird about it

It depends. You know your husband and what he’s like when he goes out. Mine rarely is out these days without me. Mainly because our friends are so scattered across different countries now we are older. We have local friends but it’s often a couple thing to socialise. Anyway if he goes on a work thing. I can guarantee he’s home before 11, because he hates being drunk and out late. He always wants home at that point, even. When we are out together, he’ll be ready to leave before me. Maybe not quite that early but still early. So if it was him. Yeah I’d be worried. If he liked staying out when he got the flavour then less so. You know your own dh so know when it’s out the ordinary. That’s where worry lies. So the ‘cool’ wives are just used to it. Rather them than me.

I was out til 3am last week and lots of my friends were out later as I left earlier... we were in bars. Not everyone lives in rural nowhere

If I go on a night out it’s just assumed that my husband will do a majority of the parenting the next day and vice versa. Pretty grim sort of relationship if you feel the need to punish your partner for going out and having fun. I go out more than my husband does and he has never tried to guilt me or punish me for it.

I am older too, have plenty of energy and more to the point I still very much care.

Ok. To clarify. I don't have the energy to care about non-issues, or the energy to create unnecessary drama.

expecting a rash of these in the run up to christmas... if you agree that one of you is going to go out for a works do (or night out with mates or whatever) you need to have realistic expectations. and build in contingency plans for yourself about how to handle things (cozy evening with kids, later bedtime for them, good snacks, invite a friend/relative over to give you a bit of help/support/company)

Then go to bed and go to sleep.

"Rural nowhere"?

Do I detect shades of the urban sophisticate looking down on rural woollybacks?

Yeah just let him crack on, don’t worry about the kids!

It’s sad you feel it’s unnecessary and care so little for others or yourself x

I’d be concerned about his safety, but I wouldn’t be annoyed if he was out enjoying himself. You mentioning the kids at home makes it sound like you’re annoyed because you’re on your one with them.

My DH very rarely goes out socially though, so when he does go out I’m happy if he’s having a good time.

Well done op for having a sensible, normal reaction. Obviously you're a bit pissed off, obviously you'll have a sensible conversation and probably your partner will feel bad and won't do this for a very long time. But everyone is allowed a night out occasionally. And yes, your day off is exactly what I'd do. You're not a doormat, you're just a nice, sensible, grown-up person who doesn't overreact and throw away an entire relationship because of one night out with friends. I think from some of the comments on here, those people mustn't have trusting long,term relationships or ever have any fun.

I don't especially care what time my husband stays out until when he has a night out. I generally offer to pick him up and he'll give me a ballpark of what sort of time he might be out until. If that changes he'll send me a text but that's it. I don't want him to be texting or calling me for no reason. But equally we respect one another so if plans change we let each other know. Neither of us have any form of anxiety so we aren't sat at home thinking up worst case scenarios. We're both very independent and have no problem being alone.

I don't agree at all with some previous posters that being out until 4am or whatever is just not acceptable when you have children. The children have 2 parents and as long as both are OK with it and it isn't a frequent occurrence, there really isn't an issue. Last night a bunch of my friends got together for the boxing. I wasn't especially bothered so I came home at about 3am but they were still going long after.

Or from people that have great lives and slightly aghast at others put up with.