It's after 3am and DH isn't back yet, aibu for being annoyed?

[tometoyoutodo]

Yesterday he left home for a Work dinner at 2pm and has texted just once at 6pm. How would you feel?
There's 3 Primary aged DCs at Home with Me.

@CoughyGoLightly Thank you! I'm already planning a whole child free day tomorrow, maybe a big shopping trip at his expense

It’s not the occasion that makes bad people do bad things. If your husband is an untrustworthy lout on a Christmas night out then he’s also an untrustworthy lout on a standard Wednesday. If you have to worry about what hes up to the problem isnt the party, its your relationship.

FFS there's some misery guts and worry worts on here.

According to my son, that match was a fraud/joke. The "other guy" lives in our area/state. He felt it to be more a dance routine, but I don't know for sure, as I didn't watch. "Other guy" (Jake Paul) won.

It probably depends where you live.

There are also quite a few " don't give a damn" and " laissez faire" advocates as well.

A one off, night out and having a good time, I’d expect DH to enjoy it, sleep it off the next day and we do something on Sunday. Every weekend then I’d be pissed off.

Op I can totally see why you are in this position in the first place. He can do as he likes. No need for consideration or respect. It’s sad.

DH was watching the boxing out with friends and is still out now! It's 7am.
But to be fair he told me in advance that he'd be out watching the boxing and it starts at 4am.
I'd be a bit cross if he hadn't told me he would be out all night though, coz I'd be worried.
But yeah alot of bars are open all night to show this boxing.
I too have 3 primary aged kids at home with me but DH doesn't go out often and he loves the boxing...
I don't think it's unusual to be out an entire night. If it were every weekend I'd take issue. But I go out for the whole night if I go on a night out. Mostly because trains back from the nearest city stop at 11pm but start again at 5am... so I get the 5am train back!

There's a huge difference between planning a big night out (we both do that on occasion and usually arrange to stay in a hotel or say I'll be back late, don't wait up) and expecting someone home but not hearing from them. If something changes during the night (has happened) a quick text resolves the situation. Doesn't need to be angsty and controlling. If you share your life with someone it's just courteous to let them know vaguely what's happening.
My husband's Christmas do is elsewhere in county as team wide spread and involves a hotel stay. Mine is more local. I say I'll be late don't wait up. Or sometimes come home after the dinner. If that changes and I want to go out for a bit after, I'll just let him know.
If you have young children Saturdays tend to be busy with activities and need planning for.

My husband goes out, no alcohol involved, his hobby and I won’t know if he’s back until I wake up in the morning!

My DP and I never text or ring each other, from a night out. It just doesn't enter our heads. (Until I want a lift home 😂). For context, we are older, 55 and 60, and together 34 years, so of a generation where constant communication is much less expected.
However, we are creatures of habit, in terms of socialising,with expected patterns of behaviour. DP, for example, is always home by 12. We would definitely expect notification if the other decided to stray massively from the norm. We would both worry in your situation, just due to the lack of warning - not because they were partying late though.

He left at 2pm!!! I haven't done an 11 hour stint since I was at uni

The cool wife brigade always make me chuckle on these threads

"OP he's out enjoying himselffff don't be such a shrew"

OP I'd be pissed off too, if only because I'd have been worried sick

I think you are very REASONABLE to worry and then be annoyed

If he'd said at 2pm (when he went out) I'm going to probably get bladdered don't worry if I don't contact you, get your Mum/Sister/Best Friend to help with the kids activities and parties .....no problem at all (as a one off)

He didn't, he's a twat and YOU, @tometoyoutodo , it now transpires, are generally left to do most everything parenting wise

Definitely have the conversation with him and (gently) stop enabling and empowering him to be a tosser 🥰❤️

@Tricho The cool wife brigade are definitely coming for Me!

It’s more like the cool husband brigade. Can’t wait to rush in and say the op is unreasonable!

I'd be worried if my wife was still out at 3am, it'd be highly unusual, she's not a night club person but she'd text if plans were changing. I'd usually pick her up though. If I was going to be home much later, I'd text. We're not controlling. We care about each other's safety.

Like lost people do.

Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

Definitely the child free day out! But not as a one off. Rethink your life, and add in a weekly 'child free time' for you xx

Op you need to ask yourself why he would treat you like this? Why didn’t he care? He has been on a huge bender and didn’t even think about you or his children.

You wouldn’t stand for it? What would you do about it? Ban them from going out? Lock them out if they’re not back at the time you appoint? Divorce them if they’re don’t send your designated number of texts?

You wouldn’t stand for a grown up going out on a rare night out? Good luck with that!

If he was supposed to be home much earlier and capable of pitching in today then I wouldn't be happy and I would have been expecting contact to let me know if plans had changed. I wouldn't divorce over it if it happened once in a blue moon but I would be expecting him to apologise.

If it's one of those nights where you know it's going to be an indefinite ending time, well for me the worry would still crop up and I would likely receive one garbled text but I would leave him to it. I would have made sure we didn't have a busy schedule that needed 2 parents and would arrange to do stuff with the kids that involved us being out until mid afternoon (if my husband was coming home and not staying out)

If either of the above were a regular weekly occurrence then that's not ok either.

I'm guessing yours was scenario #1 but it's not regular so leave him for a bit then tell him he was a twat and enjoy your childfree Sunday.

I often wonder on threadslike this. When would it be ok to worry?
7am the next morning?
Lunchtime?
The next evening?
Next year?

Surely everyone has a tipping point from "oh they are having fun" to "where are they?"

I don't know how people who rarely go on these all nighters actually manage them if it's so rare?
I would not last till 4am if this isn't something I regularly do. I think it's pathetic.
He knows there's a full day ahead of plans and activities but he did it anyway. Why? Because he has so little respect for OP.