Dh has walked off and left me alone at 1am in the street. 2 miles from home

[Boopadoop90]

Just that really. We were out with friends, going back to theirs. Dh refused to back to theirs but I don't know why. The others left in a cab. I couldn't leave dh alone in the pub. I I said I'm going home. He said OK. Followed me out in a fit and angry, cos he felt obliged to follow me. He's walked home. I'm 2 miles away from homre and sitting in the cold shivering
He messaged me to ask if I got an uber home. I said no, he said good we've spent £x on uber tonight.

He's walked home and I'm sitting on the kerb, 2 miles away in the dark, cold.

@GreyCarpet "The 'kind' comments will be giving her the validation she needs that she is a victim."

Who has been kind?

Whilst his behaviour re cab to friends and walking home alone is odd, it's likely the result of a few drinks but purposefully sitting yourself on a kerb for an hour whilst you repeatedly post about how you're sitting on a kerb and cold is odd behaviour and entirely self inflicted, again likely the result of a few drinks. You should've got a cab home and I'd encourage you not to blow it out of proportion with your DH as you chose to sit yourself down in the cold then walk. You both just had too much to drink and behaved a bit silly imo.

The posters who agree everyone else should have stayed with her, escorted her home, and that they were cruel and horrible for not doing so.

OK. I missed that she had contacted he friends after they'd left but the point still stands.

People reach their limit sometimes with stuff like this. If it were a one off, I suspect friends would do anything they could because it would be a shock and your rescue instincts would kick in.

If its something you've seen a hundred times before and it all ends well, the sense of urgency wears off after a while.

I don't think her friends are in any way responsible for this. Maybe everyone not pandering to her was the wake up call she needs.

If she had the wherewithal to start a coherent thread on MN, she had the wherewithal to keep herself safe. She'd have been back in the pub like a shot if she'd actually felt unsafe and, the reality is that, when she got bored of the dramatics, she went home.

Everyone who is saying her friends should have stayed or returned, who is validating her maudling, "Everyone was mean!" narrative.

She's 51. I'd imagine her friends are of a similar age. I'd also imagine they're tired of this shit.

Maybe they'd have been back like a shot 20 years ago and maybe they're just sick of it now.

@GreyCarpet "Everyone who is saying her friends should have stayed or returned, who is validating her maudling, "Everyone was mean!" narrative"

No. Some people are saying that it's wrong to leave anyone in a risky and vulnerable state. Nobody is saying that she behaved well, or is a victim or is validating her. There are two completely different issues.

She sounds like a complete pain in the arse. I wouldn't be friends with her any more.

She was vulnerable and at risk. She should have been protected from herself.

CurlewKate

I don't disagree with the theory of a lot of what you are saying.

But, from experience, people who behave like this will just keep putting themselves in those positions until it doesn't benefit them to do so anymore.

You say you wouldn't want to he friends with her anymore. I agree with that - I wouldn't either. But that's not going to stop her putting herself in those situations. And it isn't necessarily going to stop her from reaching out to people who have cut her off when she does (again, something I know from experience).

People have to draw a line somewhere for their own sanity.

@GreyCarpet to be honest you sound like you're just desperate for people to be awful to the OP and make her feel even worse, which is weird and not very nice.

There's an awful lot of assumptions on this thread. Why do some of you presume to know for a fact that the OP does this all the time? Maybe she rarely goes out and rarely drinks and that's why she ended up in a state.

The entire post is ridiculous don't get me wrong. However it's also ridiculous for posters to presume they know her entire back story and make up narratives that support them sticking the boot into her even more. I think she gets it. She behaved childishly. Hopefully she won't do it again.

Taking OP out of this on a personal level (because she’s already said she’s mortified about it) and thinking purely about a generic person who gets pissed and belligerent and chooses to put themselves in a risky situation. How would you deal with that? Man handle them into a taxi against their will? Drag them home? Follow them home? Sit and watch them for hours till they pass out? Every one of these options would have led to increased drama, accusations etc.

If that hypothetical person has form for attention seeking and manipulative behaviour. Rescuing them makes it worse. It reinforces that this behaviour gets the results that they want and they will keep doing it.

Stop playing the role that they’re putting you in and the behaviour will change. Sometimes you have to take a calculated risk to make that happen and sometimes you’ve just had enough of the drama and have to walk away.

Exactly.

Patterns of behaviour become quite recognisable when you've seen them many times.

This has characteristics of it being a repeat behaviour. Namely the fact that the OP didn't do anything obvious/easy to help herself and wasn't scared in her posts. She wasn't asking for help or advice and she didn't respond to anyone who tried to help/advise/support her. There was no fear in her messages only self pity and drama.

People behave differently when they're scared to when they're being dramatic.

And people who are too drunk to think rationally don't often have the capacity to post coherently online.

Most people's instincts is to help someone in distress. If none of her friends responded to her distress call, that is most likely because they have seen this many times before.

Oh gosh I used to have a friend who behaved like this on nights out. If she was bored/not enjoying herself/wanted to move on, it was basically a drunken tantrum - storming off drunk, sitting outside the pub until everyone came and pandered to her. When we stopped allowing her dramatics to control our nights out, it was that we were leaving her alone and vulnerable.

The difference is that she was a troubled 21 year old, not a middle aged mother