Dh has walked off and left me alone at 1am in the street. 2 miles from home

[Boopadoop90]

Just that really. We were out with friends, going back to theirs. Dh refused to back to theirs but I don't know why. The others left in a cab. I couldn't leave dh alone in the pub. I I said I'm going home. He said OK. Followed me out in a fit and angry, cos he felt obliged to follow me. He's walked home. I'm 2 miles away from homre and sitting in the cold shivering
He messaged me to ask if I got an uber home. I said no, he said good we've spent £x on uber tonight.

He's walked home and I'm sitting on the kerb, 2 miles away in the dark, cold.

My guess is that in your drunken state you decided it wouldn’t be fair on your husband to leave him in the pub by himself that late. Because you wouldn’t have wanted to. So you felt that was a nice thing to do, because he is your husband after all.

And then your drunk husband thought it was a bit silly, because he was absolutely fine and maybe you were picking a fight or it would come back to him somehow that you couldn’t go with friends because of him. It escalated and you felt he was a bastard for not doing the same to you as you did to him.

Next Friday just stay at home and watch Netflix. You are too old for behaving like this.

Ok an easy walk then. Or taxi ride if too drunk.

MN is a strange place. Rather than walking home, OP is sat stationary, posting about it on MN. Do you expect someone on MN to come pick you up and drop you home?

And it’s 2 miles, not 200. Even if it was, unless you are in the Gobi desert, you will find your way home.

This thread is a great example of don’t believe all the sob stories you read on here. OP’s poor husband.

So bizarre, sitting out freezing to prove a point is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die you only hurt yourself.

Grow up, you said yourself he’s drunk. And you’re acting like a brat. Walk home or get a taxi.

I already said, despite how much of a twat they were BOTH being he shouldn’t have left. And no I wouldn’t leave someone in the early hours of the morning drunk and alone and I doubt most wouldn’t either.
if something bad had happened everyone would be up in arms shouting why did he leave her.

I already said, despite how much of a twat they were BOTH being he shouldn’t have left. And no I wouldn’t leave someone in the early hours of the morning drunk and alone and I doubt most wouldn’t either.
if something bad had happened everyone would be up in arms shouting why did he leave her.

OP, I am glad you are home safe. However, if this is real then I'm concerned you are really not well.

This sounds very much a situation if your own making, and that you put yourself in harms way. You are upset that your partner didn't seem to care for your safety but YOU should be caring for your safety above all.

You could have gone with your friends and been perfectly safe.

You could have called an Uber of your own and been perfectly safe.

Or you could have walked home with your partner and been perfectly safe.

But you made choice after choice that meant you were sitting on a dark curb for an hour or more, considering sleeping there, then going on an incredibly cold long walk in the middle of the night. All to prove / protest against your partner not caring?

This is really self destructive behaviour and I'm concerned for you. Please stop putting yourself in harms way.

@SwerveCity "I already said, despite how much of a twat they were BOTH being he shouldn’t have left. And no I wouldn’t leave someone in the early hours of the morning drunk and alone and I doubt most wouldn’t either. "
I hope you're right and we are in a majority. This thread would definitely suggest otherwise.

Total drama!

Should have just walked home straight away or called a cab

I agree with this but most of the other posters seem to be enjoying piling on here to vilify the OP.

The point isn’t really whether he’s right or wrong to have left her. The point most are making is that it was totally fixable once he had - a 40ish minute walk or a 10 min taxi ride. Instead, the OP made herself more vulnerable by staying still and getting colder while the night got later.

The difference is she’s not a kid. She’s an adult and behaving very poorly. We don’t know how often her husband has had to deal with similar scenes.
If it was her husband in a drunken strop refusing to budge from the kerb and expecting her to come back and get him in
everyone would be telling her to do exactly what he did -leave him, go home and go to bed. She needs to take some responsibility for her choices

I think the OP is having a hard time in her life generally at the moment and her DH should be more concerned about her welfare even if she is being reckless or childish.

I can empathise as I used to do stupid things like that, probably up to my thirties. Decades of therapy have helped me but I can totally see why the OP was upset and just needed confirmation that her husband cared about her.

FWIW, my partners never left me in potentially dangerous situations however unreasonable I was probably behaving.

She was behaving irrationally under the influence of alcohol. Her constant references to ‘he doesn’t care about me’ ‘ I just wanted him to show he cared about me’ suggest that he often shows a lack of care towards OP, and he even said it was ‘good’ she didn’t get an Uber as they had spent too much money on them.

Whether she was being a PITA or not, she was intoxicated and alone in the dark and cold. Had I been her husband, I would have walked ahead but messaged her to tell her I was on the corner waiting for her and to catch me up, or called her a cab myself if she was being too stubborn to call one herself.

This was my point in my previous posts, not that her behaviour was right or healthy, just that there is more than likely a bit of a backstory and it’s not fair to pile on her as has been the case here.

Well said.

My mum used to behave like this. We’d get calls from her in the early hours and one of us would be told to come and collect her from a random garbled location, my dad having long gotten fed up and left her.

She is a mentally ill alcoholic. Might be something to reflect on, OP.

Every single adult I've met who needed "help in feeling secure" was using it as a thin veil to cover their controlling & manipulative nature.

This behaviour is so consistent that any man who mentions feeling insecure in relationships might as well tattoo abuser on their forehead.
I haven't had romantic relationships with women to know if it translates directly but I suspect that it does.

I didn’t say it was healthy, and I’ve said umpteen times that OP should seek therapy, but I don’t think it’s fair to assume that things are all the OP’s fault in this. Her posts suggest that he habitually shows a lack of concern for her. Of course, we only know what she has said, but they both come across badly in this. Him for not waiting for her and saying it was a good thing she didn’t get an Uber, and her for the way she behaved.

I disagree that the OP was behaving in a controlling or manipulative manner. I think she is having a tough time and would benefit from some kindness and consideration, from her DH and from the posters on this thread.

If you are still following this thread OP, have you thought about getting some therapy to help you deal with the issues in your life at the moment? A therapist could help you
unpick why you behaved like you did last night.

@Teanbiscuits33
You think it's not healthy because she's "insecure".
I say bollocks to that. She's manipulative and controlling - that is what's not healthy here.
If he habitually doesn't meet her needs in the relationship, she's free to break it off, no need for kerbside antics.

It's clear to me he didn't want to end the night and/or didn't want to spend it in her company. I've been there with needy and controlling boyfriends who could suffocate nights out with their hogging of my attention and space. They would also often end nights early and I'd be accused of all sorts if I didn't relent to follow.

Are needy girlfriends different from needy boyfriends? The latter are definitely abusive in my experience.

I think it’s weird how you’ve acted.

you could have walked the 2 miles in the time you’ve been sulking.

She clearly is insecure though. You can think its bollocks all you like. We don’t know if her DH has contributed to it or not. Her behaviour isn’t right regardless, but still, there might be some backstory, we only know what has been said, a very small snippet. Given she’s 51 with 15 year old twins they’ve probably been married years, so it’s not a case of a relationship that’s early on and she’s started to show red flags. We don’t know what’s preempted this. We shouldn’t just assume that it’s all on her. Either way, it’s toxic and I’ve not denied it. FWIW, being controlling and manipulative stems from insecurity, it’s not a seperate thing.