Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

I’d be embarrassed that you even considered giving me money if you were my sister. I’d never expect or want a penny of your win.

To some extent I also agree with your DH on wills, fair isn’t always equal. Although it depends very much on the circumstances. We had a relative who died and distributed based on need. No one begrudged their sibling more when they plainly didn’t need it and she did.

We have 6 siblings between us. If I could, I'd pay off the mortgage for my sibling, but we'd have to buy a house from scratch for each of DHs siblings. It would need to be a larger one for one due to 4 kids but a house each to meet everyone's needs would be great.

I see that as putting each of them into the same position as opposed to giving them each the same sum of money.

Equal

Equal. It could be life changing for both, not just the poorer sister! It could bring earlier retirement and greater security to the better off one. I don’t see why she should be given less. No one knows what’s around the corner.

When my parents made their will they left equal shares to everyone. One sibling was a millionaire and another was on his arse. By the time they died, within months of each other, the rich sibling had gone bankrupt and the poor one was able to lend her money. At the time, my parents said it was about love, not cash.

Equal is fair - no one knows what could happen in the future. My sibling is far wealthier than my DH’s siblings (due to family money on my side) but we would be fair between them all.

Personally it would go to those in 'need'. Maybe some nice gifts to wealthy family / friends.

For me I would give a lot to my family in Africa who have very little. They live in a old house with only cold water and a well no hot water other then warming it up on the stove. I would give majority to my family so they don't have to struggle anymore with basics and don't have to worry about those things any more. I would give lots direct in charity to those in need rather to a "charity". So many people need help here and abroad.

Full bellies don't need more.

equal shares.

If you have to gift anything to either of them, it would be equal in my book.

Alrhough this is a hypothetical argument, you're all missing the fundemental flaw. A huge sum of money makes people act in very strange ways. I have 2 sisters with very diffrent circumstances, say I won 20 million on the lottery. Sure I'd help them both, but a sum per month and I'd not tell them how much I had won, in fact I would only give them a monthly sum based on secrecy, break the secret, get no more monthly help..If they know they are getting say 5k per month each they can now upgrade their cars, pay off their morgages early, have nicer holidays etc. That's £600,000 over years. However, give both of them 2 million each, how long before they potentially say I need more? I've seen it and heard about it numerous times where familes fall out over lottery wins or inheritance. If they are getting £5k per month they'll never tell people about the win, or fall out with you! Which by the way would be 2.1 million over 35 years anyway

So this came up when we did our wills! I (F28) have one DSis (F25) and DH (32) has DBiL (M34) and DSiL (F29).

When we did our wills (before DSon) was born, we set it so that if we both died with no children, any money we had would be split between our siblings. DSis pointed out (joking!!) that meant the DH's side of the family would get 2/3 and mine only 1/3. Not something I had considered!

We have a child now, so it's all irrelevant anyway! (And I'd hope our siblings would be too devastated at our untimely demise to be worried about inheritance 😂)

I’d give my sister enough to pay off her mortgage, my parents enough to buy the bungalow they want but can’t afford and my MIL & FIL enough to buy their house and pay to have my MIL’s moms ashes buried with her dads and add her to his headstone. I wouldn’t give my BIL anything as he’s in debt to my in-laws by about £20k I’d give his share to them. I wouldn’t give my SD anything either as she is so irresponsible with money, blames her actions on everyone else and is a compulsive liar. Anything we’d give her would be wasted. We’d put what we would give her if she wasn’t how she is in a trust for her son who we’ve got full time living with us for him to have when he’s older. With the rest I’d move away somewhere hot and buy myself a racing car and private race track

if we’re talking 20mil for example
To me it wouldn’t matter who earns what , if I was able to help in anyway any of the siblings (DH has 2, I have 1) it’d be proportionate to what they need. In our situation my sibling would for example get bought a house, DH siblings would get a big amount gifted to them to do as they wish (extend/move). I’d actually pay off a friends mortgage and DH would also buy a house for a friend.
in your circumstances I’d probably buy a house for sibling and gift the other a big amount!

Nobody apart from my kids would be getting anything if I was to win big, I doubt I’d get anything from them

We've had a similar hypothetical chat and decided we'd each take 10% of any win to gift or donate as we wanted, we'd have 10% to spend ourselves and would invest 70%

What he would do and what I would do with our respective 10% is different, largely because our families are very different, but it seems to us the fairest, and least likely to cause arguments between us, to approach it fairly like that.

100% same amount. Generously giving family financial gifts from a lottery win should not be means tested. He needs to give his head a wobble. If you were to win would he be checking everyone's finances to gift them appropriately?!

No you are not.

But people may benefit from my mysterious international high flging job that has many perks and bonuses.

Being 'worth a million' and having a million that's spendable are two different things. Asset rich Cash poor. Houses around a million here are not spectacular & some people living in them are finding it tough as everything has gone up. Mortgage, leased cars, & the rest like everyone fuel, energy car insurance, car servicing, council tax and food.

yes they could downsize and the kids share rooms, or move elsewhere (mostly having to get new jobs, but most are just clinging on hoping something gives.

She might not have spendable cash. Let alone a decent chunk.

😂😂😂

I don't have a chimney, but there's always a window open!! Failing that the skit in the door works just fine 😂😂

I'd offer equal shares. In my family the better off sibling would say "come on you know this is daft - sort Anna out with a house first but i wouldn't say no to a slap up meal if you've money over".

@loropianalover I wouldn't either if I'm honest- otherwise you could be seen as the family ATM ongoing.

The only person I would help is my 20 odd year old son and buy him maybe 60% on a flat

We ourselves don't own in Our very early 60s, so I'm afraid we would be our priority

if you were gifting, say, 4 million to be split, I’d say equal down the middle. If you were thinking of gifting 500 thousand, I’d give the majority to his sister. £250, 000 wouldn’t go far for either of them, in different ways.

Oh come on, you’ve just won the imaginary lottery. Surely you won many many millions and can afford to buy your son a large house outright?! 😆

Why would you feel the need to share any winnings with your sister? She sounds way beyond comfortable. If you were left with surplus ££ that you didn’t want then couldn’t you identify a better cause?

'To each, according to his (her) need.'