Lottery win - what is fair?

[LotteryFights]

My DH and me have been arguing about this hypothetical thing for months and neither can see one another's view

My sister is v well off. Successful in her career and her husband has family money. They have 3 kids. Their house is well over £1m. They drive fancy cars.

H's sister is on benefits. Never worked. 6 kids . Lives in cramped house.

If we won millions in the lottery (i know, silly argument) I said we would give both sisters the same as they are both our sisters. H tells me this is beyond mad and of course you'd give much much more to his sister and possibly just gifts to my sister.

He tells me im being some awful person thinking they should both get the same. He says its beyond comprehension that we would give the same to each one and I need my head checked.

I need your views!!

(Obviously it's an issue that will never be an actual issue!)

They both get the same.
It's not H sister responsible for OP sister job
It's not OP responsible for H sister 6 kids and benefits.
They both made their own choices in life.

Equal.

I would do equal in the event of inheritance for adult children with different wealth too - would your husband view inheritance differently?

Or possibly gift directly to the children.

I know someone on benefits who received an equal share of money to their much richer sibling. They were actually annoyed at the money because it impacted their benefits!

I was just going to say this. While I feel that, with your own children, equality is important, I'd go for equity for everyone else.

Surely if his sister is in benefits giving her money is very problematic as she’s lose her benefits? Even buying her a house then you’d also need to ensure you give her enough to maintain / heat the house and buy food / live for the rest of her life?

Equal , plus amounts for the kids.

Split the money 50/50 between yourself and DH and then each of you can give money to your own sibling from your own share according to your individual will?

I think a lot of it depends on how much. If you're effectively just 'replacing' their benefits for a period, it could well cause issues; but if you won £150m and are giving them £5m or £10m, benefits become a complete irrelevance at that level.

They also aren't then subject to the vagaries of politicking governments in the future threatening to/actually taking their benefits away or cutting them. It's true that very rich people don't usually qualify for a lot of benefits, but they are also free of the whims and humiliation meted out by those in charge who don't believe that they deserve/need them.

This is such a good and obvious solution!

This sums up my thoughts too!

This theoretical scenario reminds me of the recent case of Rupert Murdoch and his family, with their famously contentious big family meeting to discuss who gets what when he dies.

If what we're told is the full picture, it appears that his tens of billions are somehow not enough for them to all be able to continue to live in opulent luxury, hence all the arguments!

I wouldn’t worry. You’re probably not going to win. I used to know a couple who would argue about whether their hypothetical children would go to private school. Major difference of opinion, eventually they split up. Not only did they not stay together but neither has had any children at all, so pointless to have argued.
If you do win, though, I guess you could split it between you and each make a decision over what you do with your half.

You are not obliged to share the win with anyone, so this is down to what you WANT to do, bearing in mind the effect it might have on family relationships.
You are also not obliged to tell anyone what you have given anyone else.
I think I would decide first who I wanted to share the win with, then decide how much to give each of them. Not necessarily the same amount; you are not parents writing a will but siblings sharing your good fortune. Then offer it to them asking them not to compare notes with anyone else in the family. If they accept, hand it over and enjoy the warm glow.
If it was me, I would WANT to give more to the mum with six kids and give the sister some money for a nice holiday or whatever, but I don't think it's a question of being 'fair'. Also I'd give 1K to any children in the family because they would love it.

Fairness does not come into any aspect of a lottery win.

You are allowed to subscribe to different theories of distributive justice, the problem is the way he's talking to you and both refusing to listen.

The obvious solution you and DH split it in half. He can give whatever he wants from his share to his sister and you can do the same.

Why should the sister be penalised for working hard and marrying well?

The husbands sister didn't have to have 6 kids did she.

Give neither anything.

Have a set amount that you can each spend on whatever you want as gifts for people

It's a silly hypothetical argument but I think it rumbles on because of issues around our two different families

He's certainly v irritated by it. He just said "I always thought you were generously spirited and kind but your attitude around this is changing my view of you"

He also just said we would "100% give different amounts to DC in our wills depending on how they're doing" so it could actually become a real argument at one point

We are going to have half each and we can each decide what to do with our own half.

Equal as it's fair. His sister chose to have 6 kids and thus live in a cramped house.

I wouldn't give any of it to either of them.

I’d rather give where it’ll make the maximum impact for the most number of people in real need, and hopefully go towards wider scale societal improvement. I don’t think giving it to individuals would achieve that, it’s nothing to do with how much I like them.

Perfect

The better off sister probably doesn't need it and you may or may not want to reward the choices the other's made, so this would avoid the whole mess and hopefully enable the 6 kids to make a better life

Also by paying for something like education rather than giving £££ direct you'd remove the chance of this sister constantly asking for money "for the family" - or if not remove it, at least have a response ready

£250k is not going to buy a house for parents with 6 kids. She'd need a shed load more. She then has council tax, heating etc.

I think your bigger issue is the fact he’s thinking about it for your own children and wills. That way madness lies. Circumstances change and people don’t update their wills often enough. The only circs where I’d do a differential amount for children is if one had profound care needs and would need support after I was gone.

All done for Santa already, I’ll even leave a 🥕 😁