DP received letter for CMS

[lockdownbabyx]

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 children and another on the way.
Today he received a letter from CMS saying he owes child maintenance for a child he has never known about. This child is now 5 years old.

Obviously a dna test will need to be done anyway, but where do we stand with this?

I'm so upset and confused, literally found out I was pregnant again yesterday 😭

If you live pay check to pay check 12% can feel a rather large chunk that you don’t have.

I can't afford my third. It was an accidental pregnancy but I know I'll make it work. I'm good with money. Kids don't have to be expensive. It's if you make it that way and there was no way I was having an abortion.

Aye he never knew a single thing about this child’s existence, did he?

Even if on the off chance that he had absolutely no idea and she didn’t say a single thing to him about him being the father in all this time, I still don’t think OP would be unreasonable to rethink her future with him if she doesn’t want to end up having this child as part of her life.

And even if he didn’t know and therefore has technically done nothing wrong, I can also understand why Op would still be pissed off about how her and her children’s lives are now being influenced and their futures now completely changed. I can understand why she would find it all a big life changing inconvenience!

So very many nasty people on here. Good grief!

This is a truly appalling comment.

None of this is the OP's fault, yet it is her problem. She owes this other child nothing.

He’s not denying his relationship with this woman, so why assume she’s lying?

He does, though.

Absolutely! And that is where cuts to the budget would need to be made.

No judgement from me OP, just wishes of good luck!

I have no clue how CMS works, I can’t imagine they’d take 5-years to find the other parent (if known, I believe unknown parents are rarely found) so I suspect your DP is known as they issued a figure to pay. Either that or it’s a scam and others can answer better. Hope it works out for you.

How has cms stated an amount if he’s not already on the system?

It’s ok to feel upset about it but no point worrying until the DNA comes back.

If the child is his - try and think about it from the other woman’s perspective. He slept with her and there is now a real child to think about here. It seems out of the blue but you don’t know if she tried to tell him and maybe he didn’t want to know.

Options like dumping him, keeping her baby and also claiming maintenance for her children. 👍🏻 But that’s not the option you was hinting at, was it?

If he always used condoms then it's likely someone else's baby and she's just chancing her luck and naming him because she remembers his name!

Obviously he needs to get the DNA test done, but if it does come back as being his baby, then you will need to afford it.

Use the government calculator to work out what is correct.
https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

As you will already have 3 children (shortly) then this will massively reduce the amount of money he will have to pay. Make sure you put this into the calculator.

Also, your DH could ask for shared custody with the aim of moving to 50/50 eventually, which would also hugely reduce the maintenance payments.

Not letting someone they have a child for 5 years is awful!

The vipers are out in force. Beats me why some here take pleasure in being vile.

OP, I hope he isn't the father but if he is then it may not be as expensive as you fear. I hope so.

I think there’s probably bigger problems here then the money.

Also, imo you shouldn’t have to pay anything, it shouldn’t come out of joint funds, it should come out of his.

They get earnings from HMRC, then it's up to the person to let them know things that might reduce it, like other children

& the obvious one, they're not the father!

if it's his, he will have to pay. CMS is woefully little anyways.

God there's some spiteful people on here desperate to give the OP a kicking.

The OP has done NOTHING WRONG. She has met a man and had two children with him. She does not say that he beats her, or is a waste of space, or a bad father. I'd also argue the guy has done nothing wrong either! He's not psychic. I finished two relationships on bad terms, one of the guys I literally never saw again as it was at the end of Uni and we went our separate ways. Had I been pregnant and chosen to conceal that from him, he would never have known.

All you can do OP is support your partner through having the DNA test and take it from there.

Sometimes it's helpful to have more context. Not really necessary here though at all.
It isn't creepy - it's an anonymous forum and people can share or name change as much or as little as they like.

It will come out of hus wages but many couples pool their money together .hence the Op saying they will have to pay.

Are they asking for it to be backdated since the birth

I understand that. Same over here but after bills we each have our own spending money. It should come out of his half of the disposable income.

Gosh some of these posts @lockdownbabyx 😬 I'm sure you're in shock, so pls try to keep calm. You know what needs to happen, DNA then assessment of what can be paid. If it means you need to cut your cloth you'll need to sort that out at the appropriate time.

Try to look positively on it if the child is his.

Good luck to you all x

Maybe they pool all their money ?
We always have.

Where do you stand in what way?

If they know his earnings then i am surprised that this is the very first he is hearing about it.

im also surprised three pregnancies in four years and you believe he always wore condoms before you.

do the dna test of course but start putting the money away so youre not finding it too difficult if it comes back he is indeed the father, as you owe from this point.