AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

[Applecider96]

I'm pregnant and the hormones are probably playing a part but I don't understand why my partner used porn when we both enjoy sex. Some people are into it and there are differences of opinion, but I don't understand pleasure over another person whilst you're in a relationship? I'm due in less than a week so it's really annoyed me tbh. I've been unsatisfied before and I didn't make a point of using it. I'm finding it hard to not see it as an ick and I'm put off him right now. But when this is mentioned, people suggest watching it together, no? It's just another fake thing in this world. Oddly I don't feel this way from being insecure in myself, it is purley finding it hard to see porn as anything other than cringe. It is normalised to be sexually aroused by another person, how can I learn not be frustrated with this has anyone else felt this way? To add, why should I cook every meal and clean whilst pregnant for him to do what he wants.

I would not be with a man who watches porn. Many of these women are trafficked, underage and it's non consensual/rape.

Pornhub had to remove masses of content for this reason.

He is disgraceful.

Its fine if you don't want him watching porn that's your boundary (and there are very valid reasons for being anti-porn) but I personally think it's a bit OTT to suggest he never gets aroused by another person ever. I'm in a very happy relationship but I still find other people sexually attractive.

Why are you doing all the cooking and cleaning though? That's the bigger issue imo.

Well yes, you chose a man who watches porn, I wouldn't have and he isn't going to change.
You also shouldn't be doing all the household chores. If you aren't married I'd leave before I have the baby and get yourself somewhere where there is a bit of a support network as you aren't going to get any from him.

The world is pretty much divided into people who think porn is OK and those who don't. Typically more men in the former group than women. If you're in different camps, all you can really do is talk it out and see if you can change his perspective. You probably won't tbh, because unless he's never heard of the issues before, you cam assume he knows them, but puts his desire to use it ahead of that. You can extract promises he won't use it, or issue ultimatums, but that tends to drive it underground. So I guess if a talk doesn't change his mind, you need to consider if you can live with this in your life or not.

It’s completely normal and acceptable for you to negotiate no porn usage as a sexual boundary of your relationship.

That’s not even to mention the minefield of ethical wrongs perpetuated by watching porn. As an earlier poster said, there’s often sex trafficking involved, child porn, women being drugged, violence, humiliation, etc.

It’s not ok. It’s exploitive, unrealistic and most of all it’s upsetting you when you are pregnant. He needs to stop.

I feel the same about men who watch porn, but for the majority of men it’s an important part of their lives. Sad but true. I just try to not think about it.

Agreed.

It's very sad that a lot of men watch porn, I can't imagine ever wanting too myself, but men are wired differently I guess.

YANBU for not liking it, but ultimately you'll never be able to stop him doing so (you can try, I would ask personally, but I can't imagine it has a high success rate).

You both enjoy sex, but is there 'enough' sex for him? - that's really the question here.

Do you believe it's addiction (regardless of the amount of sex, he will always watch porn), or a void-filler when there's not enough sex?

Do you wank off to them in your bedroom?

It's the male equivalent of seedy books like 50 shades, as they're more.visually stimulated.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a man who watches porn.

He is getting his sexual gratification from watching women who are exploited and abused. A lot of porn features really violent acts against women. So the fact your DH thinks this OK says what his view of women is: sex objects for men's use.

If his porn use is a boundary for you then you need to talk to him. If he cares for you and respects you then perhaps he will stop. But you can't make him.

Porn use escalates. So if he doesn't stop it will escalate. He will need more and more extreme porn to get the same level of satisfaction. It will desensitise him and affect his ability to have a healthy relationship with real women.

Horrible situation for you OP especially when you are pregnant with his child.

Turning this question on its head. Based on (not sure how reliable) Glamour magazine from a quick Google search, 91% of women masturbate. Do you think ALL of them exclusively think of their partner? OR if they're single, exclusively use their imagination? The 'provenance' of porn aside, men will more than likely use this visual aid of another person, while women will quite likely use an imaginary aid of another person. So the result is the same, wanking off to another person in your bedroom.

I mean... yeah? I masturbate, I do it in my house and my bedroom, I am not always thinking of or looking at my partner when I do. I don't think that makes me particularly unusual (and definitely not immoral or unfaithful).

Watching porn is gross and completely disrespectful, honestly I agree with others when they say they couldn’t be with anyone who watches it. Letting you do all the cooking and cleaning is also completely disrespectful, especially when heavily pregnant. You need to be clear now, because in a couple of weeks you’ll have a newborn and he’ll not only have to do his bit but step up for a while whilst you recover. His ‘do as I please’ life is over for the foreseeable, sooner he gets that in his head, the better.

I can't help but see a difference between finding someone else attractive and sexually pleasuring yourself over them

I wouldn’t consider a relationship with someone who watched porn. Are you happy that he objectifies women? It’s also really pathetic.

Don't be silly. A book is words on a page. Porn is people engaged in a very exploitative industry.

No, he doesn't. They just need to split up if it's a deal breaker for her.

Do you genuinely find it normal sexually pleasing yourself over someone else?

Sadly, I feel most men watch it whether in a relationship or not, and it ruins a lot of expectations of women too. Is it ever going to change?

Even if he said he wouldn't, he still might sneakily do. Not saying yours would be like that and go against your feelings but I still think a lot of men would watch it, but deny that they indulge in it. Surely it gets very old if you're a regular viewer? I don't know.

I have put a block on my home WiFi so no one could get on such sites, probably could via mobile data though.

I see this often on Mumsnet and loads of women will say that they'd never accept it etc but in real life, I don't know any one who has a problem with it (obviously I only know that from close friends, it isn't a conversation I have with everyone!).

It's perfectly normal to enjoy sex with your partner but also enjoy private masturbation. Some people use porn as part of it, some people use literature or just their imagination. It's unrealistic to think that your partner will only ever find you sexually attractive. It's an uncomfortable truth!

See I understand attraction, I find Jason Mamoa a very attractive man but I don't fantasise and have thoughts of a sexual attraction towards him using it to get off..that's what I can't get my head around. I know everyone thinks differently but I can't help find it wierd

That’s fine if that’s how you feel, but there are people here saying they would think of other people than their partner to get off so clearly it happens. I don’t happen to think Jason Mamoa is particularly attractive, but if I did I am sure I would think of him when masturbating. I wouldn’t consider that unfaithful or weird.

Although as said, I think you have bigger issues than this if you’re doing all chores.

If your OHs use of porn was at the expense of your sex lives together, I'd say you have a problem which might need a bit of counselling.
As you say it isn't, and assuming it's fully legal stuff with nothing that makes you go "ewww no way" or similar, then I 'd say let him get on with it.