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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

154 replies

Applecider96 · 15/11/2024 11:46

I'm pregnant and the hormones are probably playing a part but I don't understand why my partner used porn when we both enjoy sex. Some people are into it and there are differences of opinion, but I don't understand pleasure over another person whilst you're in a relationship? I'm due in less than a week so it's really annoyed me tbh. I've been unsatisfied before and I didn't make a point of using it. I'm finding it hard to not see it as an ick and I'm put off him right now. But when this is mentioned, people suggest watching it together, no? It's just another fake thing in this world. Oddly I don't feel this way from being insecure in myself, it is purley finding it hard to see porn as anything other than cringe. It is normalised to be sexually aroused by another person, how can I learn not be frustrated with this has anyone else felt this way? To add, why should I cook every meal and clean whilst pregnant for him to do what he wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
Applecider96 · 01/01/2025 19:09

That is exactly the problem, our reality is infected with so much shit in this modern world of fuckery, that having a pure and sacred relationship seems alien to you. Encouraging a hyper realistic mindset with the use of porn etc, emasculation of men and hypersexualisation of women, the basis of morality is changed. It so barbaric. So I am genuinely curious why you think I am the one with an unrealistic view and not yourself??????

OP posts:
Original poster
Applecider96 · 01/01/2025 19:20

TheMotherShipAhoy · 01/01/2025 19:08

@Applecider96 I have not used 'silly wording' to normalise my thoughts ‐you were the one who called me idiotic and implied I had 'issues'.
I'm not 'normalising' anything, because it really is normal for both men and women to find people other than their current romantic partner attractive, and for such people to feature in their sexual fantasies. Fantasy and masturbation does not lead to cheating; that's such a stretch.

Since becoming an adult, I have dated and formed relationships with partners who understand how love and desire overlap and differ, how autonomy and independence do not preclude trust and intimacy, how we can be free ‐together.

I'm not in an open relationship, or polyamorous, I've never cheated and I'm pretty sure my partner hasn't either ‐we just don't think that what each of us do when we masturbate is particularly relevant to our actual, real world relationship. He would never in a million years question me about previous partners, sexual fantasies or whether I found someone sexually attractive, and neither would I him. Because I'm not interested.

Porn and prostitution would be a deal-breaker for both of us though, in the same way as using some other unethical source of entertainment or service, or supporting an unethical business or trade. Not because we value exclusivity (which we do) but because it is unethical. Nowhere are my points contradictory, yet you seem to have a really hard time understanding what I'm communicating. I'm not trying to get you to agree with me, I'm just responding to your increasingly rude comments.

Are you trying to persuade yourself it's normal?
You and your partner can do whatever, there's a difference between common, and something being genuinely normal. Common being what many indoctrinated people do, like yourself.
If you want to pleasure yourself over other people other than your partner, good for you, very wierd but good for you.
Going about your day, with your partner strumming themselves over someone else god knows how many times and doing and watching god knows behind your back. It might work for you in the mean time, but whilst the sacred part of a relationship has diminished, or in your case is non existent, don't be surprised when he isn't interested in the future because you have built your foundation on nothing other than the fuckery in your modern reality. Very interesting that you have a belief that your partner sees you as someone he wishes to spend the rest of his days with haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Applecider96 · 01/01/2025 19:34

Applecider96 · 01/01/2025 19:20

Are you trying to persuade yourself it's normal?
You and your partner can do whatever, there's a difference between common, and something being genuinely normal. Common being what many indoctrinated people do, like yourself.
If you want to pleasure yourself over other people other than your partner, good for you, very wierd but good for you.
Going about your day, with your partner strumming themselves over someone else god knows how many times and doing and watching god knows behind your back. It might work for you in the mean time, but whilst the sacred part of a relationship has diminished, or in your case is non existent, don't be surprised when he isn't interested in the future because you have built your foundation on nothing other than the fuckery in your modern reality. Very interesting that you have a belief that your partner sees you as someone he wishes to spend the rest of his days with haha

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Definitely had a change of mind since the original post

OP posts:
ThisOldThang · 01/01/2025 22:38

Given your writing style, I'm guessing you're an extremely strict Irish Catholic. Opus Dei?

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