AIBU for not wanting my partner to watch porn?

[Applecider96]

I'm pregnant and the hormones are probably playing a part but I don't understand why my partner used porn when we both enjoy sex. Some people are into it and there are differences of opinion, but I don't understand pleasure over another person whilst you're in a relationship? I'm due in less than a week so it's really annoyed me tbh. I've been unsatisfied before and I didn't make a point of using it. I'm finding it hard to not see it as an ick and I'm put off him right now. But when this is mentioned, people suggest watching it together, no? It's just another fake thing in this world. Oddly I don't feel this way from being insecure in myself, it is purley finding it hard to see porn as anything other than cringe. It is normalised to be sexually aroused by another person, how can I learn not be frustrated with this has anyone else felt this way? To add, why should I cook every meal and clean whilst pregnant for him to do what he wants.

I bet he does 🙄🤭🤣

Many people use porn so I don't think it's wierd. I'd have an issue with certain types of porn or anything live. I'd also have an issue if I thought it was an addiction or it was negatively effecting our sex life.
But if it wasn't effecting me I'd think it were a private issue.
I occasionally watch porn and if any partner had tried to tell me not to I would have found that very controlling. It's personal and private imo. I'd never ask my DH about porn unless I had real reason to like I explained above.
However you are allowed your own boundaries in a relationship but the thing is you aren't going to get very far trying to change or control someone in thus manner. This is something you should have discussed before you got together if it were a massive issue for you. I really do not think that it's something that will change.. and it will just cause resentment if you try and exert pressure about it.
I would personally be angry if my DH kept on at me about not wanting me watching porn, if our sex life was fine and this was not something he had ever mentioned to me before marriage. I'd feel like the goal posts had been moved and I'd also feel claustrophobic and invaded by it.

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So what you are saying is that you have no problem with cleaners, nail techs etc being sexually abused by their employers as that’s a service you yourself find useful.. you are just against sexual exploitation if it involves somebody being forced to do the actual deed of sex for money as opposed to (as studies have shown… see link above) them just being sexually abused for their employers own sexual gratification and as a means of control 🤔
you are just a bunch of hypocrites!!!!
Time and energy should stop being wasted on consenting adults and instead be used to protect all victims not just the ones you find worthy!

My ex husband was addicted to porn. I wish I'd left him the first time I realised he was using it but I was young and didn't.
It got to the stage he was using it daily but still coercing me for sex, which he couldn't "manage " because he's been wanking all day.

So revolting.

I don't think it is the same though. Men are watching real women (usually impossibly young, fit ones) performing real sex acts - many of which are uncomfortable either physically or emotionally for their actual partners. Porn is also highly addictive and often leads to erectile dysfunction and unrealistic expectations, amongst other things. A person's own imagination rarely causes any of this. Real human beings aren't exploited in the imagination either.

So you’re upset that he watches porn while at the same time doing all the cooking and cleaning and wondering why he doesn’t respect you?

Can’t you see the correlation between the two things about how he views women? Why do you want that model of relationship to bring your child into? That useless pathetic men sit back and treat women like domestic or sex drones?

You need to expect more for the sake of your unborn child.

I’m also thinking this…. Don’t all men watch porn?

I think if your relationship and sex life is fine, you cannot police someone's fantasies. I mean, even if he doesn't watch it, he can still imagine it.

Why do you think that all men are one homogonous unit who all think and act the same?

Do you really think that men can't make their own decisions and think that porn might be wrong, demeaning, exploitative or whatever?

Do all women think the same about anything?

To be fair, there are many couples on these porn sites who consensually upload their videos together. To blanket say porn is exploitative isn't necessarily fair. And like some others have said, it is unreasonable to expect your partner to only ever find you sexually attractive. Have you honestly only found your husband sexually attractive since you met? I have found other men sexually attractive and all my female friends have, too. It's a two way street. And plenty of women watch porn.

As for him not doing housework, that is a totally different matter.

Well according to Ofcom in 2020 half of the UK population watch porn so he’s not unusual.

I don’t really understand why he’s telling you about it.

Surely masturbation should be something private that doesn’t really concern anyone else.

"Do you really think that men can't make their own decisions"

Well going by this thread it seems a lot of you think men are not allowed to make their own decisions even with something do private as their own fantasies

I don’t like the idea of my husband getting his rocks off whilst looking at porn. Or thinking of someone else whilst he’s doing it. So I just don’t think about it, nor do I snoop to find it.

Attempting to police someone’s thoughts and dictate what they can or cannot do with their body isn’t part of a healthy relationship, in my opinion.

And I bet there’s a very high percentage of men who sternly nod along with their wives going on about porn being exploitative and degrading to women who then rush to have one off the wrist whilst looking at PornHub as soon as the missus pops to Sainsbury’s. It’s quite naive to think otherwise.

How are porn movies 'private'

And if your partner has moral and ethical objections it should be discussed

@Nanny0gg presumably partners could say the same about their gambling habits or drinking habits or sexting others etc - using the 'it's my business, I make my own decisions ' train of thought.

If you are with someone then their opinions and what they are ok with in a relationship and what is hurtful to them matter- if you don't ever want to consider others viewpoints and work with those, then stick to being single or be really open about this so they can make a choice if it's something they can live with

I actually said " something as private as their own fantasies " maybe before you shitpost you should read the thread properly

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What?

I read that. To me, fantasies are in your head not on a screen

YANBU you can't force someone to not do something but at the same time having sex with someone who has been watching porn is not something I find appealing. I'd have a middle ground at more 'ethical' female centred porn

Laugh all u like but according to this fairly comprehensive study, within committed married relationships 37% of men never watch porn, so maybe you should raise your expectations a bit.

wheatley.byu.edu/family/porn-gap-difference-in-men-and-women-pornography-

With everyone having portable access to the internet and also the use of incognito mode, I’m interested to know how many of you are so sure you husbands don’t watch porn, it’s highly likely they do.

Also the idea of choosing a partner based on the fact they say they don’t watch porn, they are hardly going to admit it to someone who asks on a date and who shows contempt for it, especially if they are interested in a relationship with them.

The majority of porn is between consenting actors, if people, or men in this case like it and it doesn’t mean neglect in their own relationship, then it’s fine. A lot of what they don’t know won’t hurt them goes on in relationships, people should be able to enjoy things in private away from their partners gaze.

He will just watch it behind your back . Most men watch porn .It's too easy to access and the curiosity and temptation will always be there . I would ask him to watch it out of your sight and tell him you need more support.

He's told you what you want to hear, don't come back from the shops early or come back quietly..