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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are men disposable?

128 replies

BigFishLittleFish10 · 14/11/2024 17:01

My husband believes that men are disposable.

His views -

Men are f&@!ed over after a divorce and the woman end up with everything/custody of the children.

Men are used by society, worked to death then disposed of when society is finished with them.

Male suicide is an epidemic and society seeing men as disposable is one of the reasons.

Women and Mothers are cherished. Men are thrown away.

He’s made reference to women and children first on the Titanic and how the men were left to die.

Men dying in wars etc.

He refuses to believe that women face death, sexual assaults and violence in romantic relationships more than men face violence at the hands of their partners.

Believes that men have harder lives than women.

This week our son had a medical issue and I knew (gut instinct) that he wasn’t right and needed attention. I mentioned “Mothers intuition” and that riled him up - “Dads don’t matter then!”

He essentially has a chip on his shoulder about the issue.

I’ll be leaving the marriage eventually (other issues) but just wondering what everyone’s views are on this topic? Thanks.

OP posts:
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SirCharlesRainier · 14/11/2024 17:07

The Titanic thing: I believe your class of travel was more indicative of your survival chances than your sex.

And I've read that in all wars since around WW1, civilian deaths have massively outnumbered military deaths, which means women are indeed as or more affected than men, especially since they're more likely to be raped or enslaved than men, even if they're not killed. Hillary Clinton got castigated for making this point a few years ago even though she was right.

The domestic violence/sexual assault point just makes him sound a bit dim. I can't be bothered to go through the rest point by point. Does the name Andrew Tate get mentioned a lot in your house?

Msmoonpie · 14/11/2024 17:10

My main thought is that he’s a twat heading towards being an incel.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 14/11/2024 17:10

Im glad you are leaving him OP.

He sounds like a peach.

OneTC · 14/11/2024 17:11

He sounds like an idiot

PauliesWalnuts · 14/11/2024 17:11

I don't think it's a race to the bottom. I think each sex has its own challenges. I'm not sure if I was given the opportunity that I'd want to be a man.

GreyCarpet · 14/11/2024 17:14

He's an incel idiot but I wouldn't make a reference to 'mothers intuition' because I don't believe in that either.

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 14/11/2024 17:15

He needs to get off the internet.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 14/11/2024 17:15

Wow if that's how he feels he must be pretty angry and bitter all the time! Sounds like a vulnerable narcissist to me...he wants to be a victim, he will find reasons to be a victim. It's a self fulfilling prophecy for him no doubt. Women have fought long and hard for social, political and financial equity and they still don't have.

Devilsmommy · 14/11/2024 17:17

Msmoonpie · 14/11/2024 17:10

My main thought is that he’s a twat heading towards being an incel.

Couldn't have said it any clearer

Gowlett · 14/11/2024 17:17

Sounds like he’s following those Internet lads…

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/11/2024 17:19

The sooner you divorce him,the better.

crackofdoom · 14/11/2024 17:20

I mean, in theory men are disposable, but they won't fit a standard bin bag, and not even an oversized one unless they're particularly small.

I guess you could smuggle one into the landfill skip at the dump...? 🤔

BigFishLittleFish10 · 14/11/2024 17:21

Thanks all. We have sons so his views are problematic to say the least. My sons do ask which sex has it harder and I try to remain unbiased and say that both have their challenges in different ways but I do explain how women have been viewed as inferior to men in history etc.

OP posts:
BigFishLittleFish10 · 14/11/2024 17:22

crackofdoom · 14/11/2024 17:20

I mean, in theory men are disposable, but they won't fit a standard bin bag, and not even an oversized one unless they're particularly small.

I guess you could smuggle one into the landfill skip at the dump...? 🤔

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
MammaKel · 14/11/2024 17:22

He will probably get worse when you leave him op so make sure you have your hand hat on.

BigFishLittleFish10 · 14/11/2024 17:23

Gowlett · 14/11/2024 17:17

Sounds like he’s following those Internet lads…

He follows a certain group but I can’t remember the name. . Loads of angry privileged white men on YouTube.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 14/11/2024 17:24

I do explain how women have been viewed as inferior to men in history etc

And currently, the extreme being Afghanistan.

Does he think he's 'cherishing' you, OP?

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 14/11/2024 17:26

The Titanic thing: I believe your class of travel was more indicative of your survival chances than your sex.

Exactly this.

OP - your husband obviously has a big issue with women. Given that you've said you'll be leaving the marriage, I assume he also has an issue with you. He's just a general misogynist/MRA, whatever you want to call it.

I wouldn't try to argue the toss with him because there's no point. He'll believe what he wants, and you'll get frustrated and angry. What's that saying about trying to play chess with a pigeon?

Just get your affairs in order so that you can leave when you're ready. Head down, focus, be practical and get out of there.

napody · 14/11/2024 17:27

Msmoonpie · 14/11/2024 17:10

My main thought is that he’s a twat heading towards being an incel.

Yup.
Most of the victims in Gaza have been women and children. Was on the news the other day. Just to address one of his many idiotic points.

What do you mean he refuses to believe that more women are killed by their male partners than men killed by women? I mean, the numbers are out there and very clear.

username358 · 14/11/2024 17:27

BigFishLittleFish10 · 14/11/2024 17:23

He follows a certain group but I can’t remember the name. . Loads of angry privileged white men on YouTube.

There you go. It's very easy to become indoctrinated on the internet and these groups have easy answers to complex problems.

If he's so concerned about male suicide rates (and it is a concern) what's he doing about it? Perhaps that might be a better focus for his anger.

SprinklesSparkles · 14/11/2024 17:29

i do think fathers are often seen as disposable so i agree to an extent

napody · 14/11/2024 17:29

SprinklesSparkles · 14/11/2024 17:29

i do think fathers are often seen as disposable so i agree to an extent

Good ones aren't.

OneDandyPoet · 14/11/2024 17:29

Sounds like someone has bee listening to Andrew Tate.

Marlhmarlol · 14/11/2024 17:31

My husband believes that men are disposable.

His views -

Men are f&@!ed over after a divorce and the woman end up with everything/custody of the children.

Divorce laws are stacked against women, particularly higher earning women. Getting divorced was the most expensive thing I've ever done.

Yes, women "end up with the children" usually, just like they do when they're still married, because most men don't want to do their fair share.

Men are used by society, worked to death then disposed of when society is finished with them.

And who designed our current social system, norms and laws?

Male suicide is an epidemic and society seeing men as disposable is one of the reasons.

More women attempt suicide than men. More men are successful because men are more violent so they tend to use more violent methods.

Women and Mothers are cherished. Men are thrown away.

Is he from Earth?

He’s made reference to women and children first on the Titanic and how the men were left to die.

Guess who made up that rule?

And as a PP said this wasn't followed. It was mainly first class passengers first, then second...

Men dying in wars etc.

Uh huh. And the vast majority of wars have been started by...?

He refuses to believe that women face death, sexual assaults and violence in romantic relationships more than men face violence at the hands of their partners.

You can't reason with somebody who denies well-evidenced and undisputed facts.

Do you enjoy being married to somebody so wilfully obtuse?

Believes that men have harder lives than women.

He sounds like an irrational, moaning, tiresome, self-pitying bore tbh.

Poor you, OP.

Michelle12A · 14/11/2024 17:32

Just because certain men started wars doesn’t mean that it is right for a lot of men to die from those wars. I am disgusted by some people here

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