Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

I can never understand why you wouldn't feed or offer to feed someone when you are making tea. Especially if you know they are coming.

Everyone would feed the child. Nobody would leave a child sitting alone with no food while others ate. It’s human decency 101 OP.

I'd just feed him once a week but would probably plan for an easy meal where you don't have to plan portions. Big pot of stew or pasta or one pot rice or whatever.

Nothing more irritating when one of the dc drops a friend for dinner on you when you have the correct amount of chicken breasts or breaded fish or whatever already prepped!

My mam used to feed anyone at my house at mealtimes. We weren't allowed an ice pop unless whoever we were playing with had one too. My friends parents were the same. If I was there at mealtimes then I was offered food. I do the same with any other kids (my eldest is 16). I do with my daughter's friend only I ask her mam first as they're only 4. If she's over for a couple of hours I will ask if she's allowed snacks and juice because of my daughter has something I don't want her left out. If she's allowed then all good, they both get snacks but if she isn't neither get a snack. I suppose it's how you're brought up, to what is expected but I can't give one without the other.

I absolutely feed the friends that come to see my children (after checking with their mum or occasionally the dad).
It's about children feeling cared for by as many adults as possible, our home is a place I want them to feel they can come, feel loved and trusted and respected and hopefully trust and repect me in return.

Don’t see a problem.

You’re feeding their child, they’re giving yours a lift.

Both helping each other

Be the parent who welcomes and feeds OP. We always had a house full of teens and you really get it back from the kids. Your son will love having him there and the dad helps out too. Great arrangement imo, don’t spoil it.

What do you suggest he just sits in the rooom and watches you eat. Here’s a rule i go by. Whenever a friend of theirs come over I treat them like my own, so their friends want to come round, so they know they have a place they can come to if they need it. I mean you’re serving up nuggets, come on now.

I'd feed him.
I do think it's nice for his parents to acknowledge or thank at some point.
Everyone's busy etc but I would thank a parent for feeding my child. I regularly have kids here for meals and don't hear from their parents. Not end of world. But nice to show gratitude and be polite.

Meanwhile on reddit, the dad is asking if he's being over-generous by allowing your son to also be in the car when he drives his son to the youth club. He doesn't mind driving him, as his mum gives dinner to them both, but maybe he should make the him run behind the car, otherwise he's being taken advantage of.

He’s probably keeping quiet and having 2 dinners 😂. They may be wondering why you don’t feed him/only give him a snack(or whatever response he gives if they ask) 😂😂

When I was younger, if you weren’t invited for dinner, you left the friends house and went home at dinner time. Sitting elsewhere while the family ate dinner didn’t happen.

I'm always feeding the kids friends. Think it's my granny's mentality that no one is allowed to leave my house hungry

We always have extras in and a couple bags of processed crap on the freezer for emergencies

Of course I would feed the extra child. Unless you are really strapped for cash and then perhaps explain to his parents why you are unable to spare some food.

I wouldn't always be happy if someone made no provision for their kid's meal and assumed I'd feed, but he is kind of taking them to the club. One night a week, I'd do it anyway to be neighbourly. If it was the other way I wouldn't assume my kid was getting fed though. But we are vegan so I could never assume that anyway.

I'd feed him and my parents always fed my friends too. DBs often had several round to eat without notice.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged.

Yeah my childhood it was like this too. Neighbourhood kids all played out and after school went to each other's houses and in secondary same thing and got buses, but there was never any expectation of feeding unless you were staying over or invited specifically for that. It actually worked really well and allowed us kids a lot of liberty, but doesn't seem to be how people do things these days. I can see both sides of it.

I live overseas on a compound atm and kids roam freely and are in and out of each other's houses, no-one gives meals because the kids can just go home whenever they want and there's no need for parents to be co-ordinating things. I wouldn't for instance offer dinner because I have no idea what my neighbour's plans are, if they've made something, if they plan to go out...and if I started doing that there'd be a lot more chat about the kids' comings and goings rather than just letting them get on with it, which is what they like.

I literally wouldn't have given it a second thought! It sounds lovely for them both. You haven't said money is an issue so I honestly don't understand why someone would ask this. I grew up with friends always at my house. My mum would cook tea for whoever was there!! Be glad your son feels he can bring friends home.

How have I managed to get through life without wondering what other people, who I don’t know, would do in the simplest of life situations.

Anyway, feed him, it’s not that complex.

If they are coming straight from school they will both be starving so I would b
feed both. I would make sure that the dinner that night was sausage and mash , or toad in the hole rather than t bone steak and triple cooked chips though!

What I would do is feed them both. Wouldn’t occur to me to question it.