Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

I always feed my dcs friends if they are here, something easy like pizza or nuggets. It strikes me though op that this arrangement is a bit awkward and not very beneficial to you, could you bring them to the youth club instead with your younger ds, and perhaps the boys dad could drop both of your dc back to you when it's over.

You were early.

They were having lunch

I’d have said… “oh you crack on and i’ll wait in my car until time i was supposed to be here”

You would hang around in their room, whilst your friends were having their dinner? That’s so mean of the parents. What utter plebs, treating another child like that.

If it's the cost that is worrying you although I bangs see how one child's meal once a week would cost more than a fiver, could you not tell your son that they can have sandwiches on that night and when your son comes home later he can have a supper if he's still hungry?

The dad is giving them a lift and the boy is a good friend so I really can't see why you would have any issue of giving him a meal only once a week!

OMG, thank you, a person who isn't rude! I honestly think people on here just get a bit brave behind their keyboard. I guess my bad for being in the 'AIBU' section because I wasn't actually asking if i was being unreasonable. I guess AIBU is a place where these people get to vent their everyday life frustrations at random strangers on the internet.

I think they are probably aware he's having dinner at mine as I'm sure he'll probably tell them that he doesn't need dinner himself when he gets home because he's eaten. His friend's parents are a really lovely couple so I honestly don't mind, it was just more of a 'what would you do', keep feeding or not cos I just know I would feel slightly awkward if my child was being fed at their house every week without speaking to them. But thanks for actually just simply answering my question.

Like a taxi? 😂😂😂
I guess we were all brought up differently.
(and that's what makes the world go around)

I don't have an issue, it was just a question, that's all. I just said I didn't feel it's my responsibility, which I stand by, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with it.

Depends how well you knew them
barely know and don’t really get on with colleagues as would seem to be the case with this scenario… then sitting in my car on my phone 100x prefer than waiting in his house for 15 mins

If kids are in my house at feeding time, they get fed too. I have 3 DC and there's always extra kids here. It's the same for my kids too if they go to others houses. It's the same for sleepovers, if they ask if they can stay (and we have no plans) then they can. There's always chips and nuggets in the freezer. If the kids are well behaved and have good manners, they're welcome to mine anytime (and get fed).

So when he opened the door to say “oh you’re 15 mins early, i’m just finishing up lunch”…. what did you say?

What is a sneaky AS? 🕵🏼‍♀️

YANBU op this happened to me. DC's friend was always in our house every week at mealtime before an activity. To begin with we fed him but after a while it did seem as bit too much to feed them every week.

We also took the friend to the activity and dropped them home.

Occasionally is fine but every week is too much. It's also fine for Spag Bol/chilli meals but not for salmon, steak, etc plus I'm not planning mealtimes around my dc's friend dietary needs. I don't care what the rest of MN think.

I wouldn’t question it, think about it and least of all put it on Mumsnet!

Who in there right mind would even consider leaving a very good friend of their child sitting in another room while the rest of the family eats! ESPECIALLY when the child has come straight after school and is going to a youth club after. Mortified for you for even asking.

unbelievable isn’t it?!

I honestly don’t get it! Her son is getting a lift too!!

I wouldn’t give this a thought let alone a post.

I would give him dinner each week and not give it a second thought.

It’s an odd thing to spend time pondering whether you have a responsibility to do something you claim to have no actual problem with.

No you were not. And what difference does it make what the next person does?
I cannot believe you actually considered letting this child sit in another room while you had dinner. And don't deny it because you clearly said it in your op

Totally get that. I was invited in, told to take a seat, then: We're just having lunch. He walked away, sat down and they continued. I sat across the room, facing them, wife didn't even glance over, the chatted quietly and ate.
Anyway....🤷‍♀️

so very true!

I'd feed him. Just imagine, these two young men will always know that you are someone cares about them and someone that they would hopefully approach if they were ever in any difficulties. You men need as many safe links as they can have these days and your son will value what you have done for him and his mate.

I would gladly feed him, no issues

I’m interested reading tales of ch sitting in different rooms whilst a family eats a meal, I’ve never experienced that before!
But when I was younger, “going to a friends house for tea” was always an arranged thing. In primary, parents would usually phone or discuss it at the school gates, in high school I’d text my mum saying “can Emma come for tea tonight?” Or a friend would text their mum and ask if I could go. It was never just a case of turning up.
If I were you I would keep feeding the child, as long as you can afford to and it’s no extra bother, but maybe if you wanted to equal things out, next time his dad comes to pick them up and take them to the youth club, you could say something like “are the boys alright to come to you for dinner next week?” But if you’re not too fussed I wouldn’t bother!

Or a friend would text their mum and ask if I could go.

how old are you @CandyCane457 ?