Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

Just make the dinner.

Is dad offering some money to cover costs? If not, he's neglectful.

People take the piss these days and just assume things are ok and theyre entitled. Personally think you should send the friend home with an invoice for his/her parents to pay for the cost of the food and possibly a small amount of labour included also. That's the least they can do maybe speak to them and suggest you feed them one week and the parents fund a couple of kebabs or something the alternate weeks. To keep it all fair and happy.
Hope you get it sorted
Good luck 👍

Am I missing something here or did you say friends dad collects your son too and essentially takes him somewhere walking distance from youth club? This is doing you a service. You’d need to drive son there yourself otherwise. Least you can do is give the friend a bite to eat as ‘pay back’.

Yes i would make him dinner every week. We had s similar thing but they did every other week shared so one week he went to friends and she took them to football training, next it was at ours. Even if it was always at mine i’d have still made him dinner. Some pasta would do the job

If the father didn't give your son a lift how would he get to the youth club? Would you have to take him? If so It sounds as though he is doing you and your son a favour by taking him to the friends house every week so they can walk to the youth club.
I would give him dinner as you say you are making it anyway.
Presumably if you didn't give him dinner he wouldn't have time to eat before going to the youth club? .

Just to offer the child's perspective...
I didn't have a happy home life and I was an only child and very lonely.
I spent a lot of time at my best friend's house. She had two siblings and I loved to pretend I was part of a big family. I did get fed but periodically her mum would make it clear that I didn't really belong. It felt awful.
As an adult, I am can completely understand why it's irritating but kids will pick up on that. Please just feed him if you can afford to do so, and make him welcome.

I'd just make it. DD and her friend used to come straight here after school one day a week before a joint activity. I just made them pasta in tomato sauce. Easy and no skin off my nose to put an extra portion of pasta in for the friend.

I would always offer to feed a guest if we were eating.

@TheMamaLife

That's lovely, and I completely agree. These things are so important and have such a positive impact on kids feeling a sense of belonging.

imo it’s nice to include your sons pal and it’s not nice to exclude him

Just check the OP's posts, she's explained it. Not really a favour for her

Why everything has to be so miserable, it’s youth club night, why not make it pizza before youth club night or something, make life more exciting.

But he clearly thinks it is. Most people would have just asked if the second ds can jump in the car. I doubt the Dad would have a problem with it.

Yes I would (and often do) feed any of my children friends here at mealtimes. We have a few regulars before / after sports training and they eat with us as a family - I just make a bit extra, but we are very much a ‘more the merrier’ family. I always want my children’s friends to feel
welcome here as we live rurally on a farm and so it’s not like my kids can just walk themselves to friends houses or vice versa. I give lifts / do meals / sleepovers when needed, and their friends mums all do the same for my children.

I think it would be lovely if you made him dinner every week. Doesn't have to be anything expensive. I think it's nice to have a good relationship with your DC's friends and make them 'part of the family'.

I always fed any kid who was around for supper time.

In fact, for various reasons, once my DC were in their teens we often had as many as six boys in the house on Saturday nights - three per son. Huge trays of lasagne, pots of pasta - I fed them all. Such a lovely atmosphere in the house. They're all young men now and remember me with affection.

If kids are in my house when mealtime hits then they get a plate of food, it's often something really simple like Mac n Cheese or a frozen pizza but there's generally something I can bulk out with extra sides or a bigger portion to feed extra people.

If you've agreed to have him after school and until after dinner then you've agreed to feed him, you can't leave him to sit with no food while everyone else eats.

No one ever reads posts properly it seems. The OP has to drive to the club anyway so the friends dad isn’t really doing her a favour. Feeding another child weekly is sometimes a bit much - we’ve got friends here 4/7 nights that we feed with barely any reciprocation so I get it. I would hope your child’s friends parents might have your child for dinner once in a while too?

I can’t work out if you’re being sarcastic or serious! 😂

Bloody hell the pile on was a bit much. I can see why this is a bit annoying if it’s something the boys have just started doing and you’ve been swept up on it with no planning. Especially if there’s never any reciprocation.
Maybe just mention in passing to the dad when he picks up what they’ve eaten so you know he’s aware you’re feeding his son every week - as PPs have said I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s having another dinner at home! In fact, maybe they are both eating again when they get there. 😆
Boys (especially that age) probably wouldn’t even think about mentioning it to the other parents.
This thread did remind me of a post from a few weeks ago, I forget the actual thread info (I think it was about people being tight with food) but there was a comment on it from someone who was invited to a sleepover as a child, they were picked up straight from school (so obviously hadn’t eaten) and played for a bit with their friend, the hosts called their child down for dinner sneakily and didn’t feed the guest at all. Then when they woke up they didn’t give her breakfast either as they said she didn’t need it as she was going home. It made me cry, I was so sad for 9 year old her. 😞

If someone is in my house at a meal time, they get fed. It’s the law.

Yes of course! I would be happy my son had a good friend to invite round and would welcome him. There may be occasions in the future when they go to his house so his parents would hopefully do the same. X

My parents always made dinner for my friends if they were there (we’re Irish) and I found at my English friends houses food was never offered we were expected to wait in another room while they ate. That was so bizarre to me my mum would have never allowed that even if it was weekly. Maybe it’s just a cultural thing?

Yes but make him wash your car or do other chores as he might take advantage.