Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

You became this defensive on one of your other threads.

You are starting to sound quite disturbed, op

That was in the OP where clearly thinks sending a child to another room or having them at the table but with no food… was totally acceptable

Yes, I would.

I always embraced all my kids friends and included them when they were with us like one of the family- drinks, snacks, meals.

The kids are mid 20s now and I see a few of them in town occasionally and they always stop and chat.

My son when he's home visits one friends parents even though his mate lives away! She taught him.to cook curry!

These things are about more than just food. It's about relationships and making sure your children are comfortable bringing their mates home and knowing they are really, truly, welcome.

Do you only ever do things because you feel you have a responsibility to? What a joyless and transactional approach to life.

I suspect this is a cultural thing as in my community growing up, you could hardly get through someone's front door before being given a cheese sandwich and packet of crisps.

If he's there's at dinner time then you should feed him

I think i feed other people's children about 5 times a week!

Nothing more soul destroying, small minded and joyless than tally keeping.

I would feed him without giving it a second thought.

Ask your friends dad to take your other child too

I would make him dinner too.

Unless you’re struggling financially then I’d just continue to feed him once a week, do a spag book or chilli or something that stretches out to an extra person easily. The kids father is taking the time to come and pick your kid up (if the other boy went straight home after school you’d have to take your son to the youth club) so just think of it as your part of the deal, the friend gets a meal, your son gets taxied to youth club 🤷‍♀️

Clearly you've no come back on that one, so you've resorted to insults. Nice 😬

😦

It was, Hi. Come on it. Take a seat there. We're just having lunch.
Something like that.

I was a bit gobsmacked, actually. I didn't expect to be fed, or anything, but being directed to take a seat across the room while he went back to his meal with his wife was so weird. 😂

Wouldn't you say something like, Sorry, we're still finishing lunch. Cup of tea/glass of water while we finish up?

Maybe I should start an AIBU! 🤣🤣🤣

What a terrible reductive transactional way to think about life.

Would I feed my son's friend? Of course I would, without a second's thought, without thinking of what I was getting in return.

Wow, op! So defensive 😂

What a terrible reductive transactional way to think about life.
Would I feed my son's friend? Of course I would, without a second's thought, without thinking of what I was getting in return.

I don't think so, I think life is about give and take. It should never be about one person always giving and the other taking, that is what leads to piss taking and feeling resentful.

Really? You’re asking this question?? Are you strapped for cash? Are you struggling financially?? This would be the only valid reason for asking this type of question..

But even then, it’s such an unbecoming think to ponder… I grew up in relative poverty but in my culture, you feed a guest in your house, especially a child.

You don’t need need to bring out the best silver, but as other have suggested, do something simple like spagbol.

And anyway, how would you feel if it was your child made to sit in the next room while his friend and family ate??

This was my mum all over! 😂 She’d bring out the hidden crisps and make sure every kid had a cup of cola to go with it!

i once had to take a miss-delivered letter to a neighbours house with my sister, the old lady wouldn’t let us leave without thrusting an entire packet of custard creams in each of our hands..

i love the generosity of my community.. I only hope my kids get to experience this kind of goodwill and neighbourliness when they’re older.

He's a teenage boy, there's a fairly high chance he's having a second dinner at home too.

Which suggests you’re begrudging it. Otherwise you’d just feed him without feeling it was anomalous enough to post on the internet about it.

My parents never fed other children when we were little because they literally had nothing. Our food was barely adequate and declined towards payday. I always feed.

I feed anyone whose at the house when I'm serving food, whether they are friends of mine, DH or DS, neighbours or even workmen it's just how I was brought up. I have had neighbours kids literally smell what's cooking and come ask to stay for dinner even when they aren't particularly good friends with my DS. I was always taught not to turn a hungry mouth away. When we grew up me and my best friend went between my house, my cousin's and hers, we got fed wherever we were didn't matter how many times what day it was etc. if we were there we ate, if we were still there at 8pm then we often slept their too and just sent a message home. So I would probably feed him regardless each time.