Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

If you can afford to feed him, then do it.

When DS was in primary school, we collected him and his 2 friends one night a week and DH helped them with their homework and I cooked their dinner and we called it Homework Club. One of their parents would collect them around 8pm and during the lighter months, they’d spend some time outside playing, otherwise, they’d be inside playing computer games mostly.

Now they’re much older and doing their own thing, they still fondly recall their weekly homework club/play nights. 😊

I would just do it. He's just a kid

I find it an odd thing that you and so many others seem so triggered by this. I guess other people's business is what makes your life more interesting.

I don't think you would be expected to at all but it's probably just nice to add a bit extra food in. We have a similar arrangement actually where my teenage daughter's best friend comes round every evening on a Thursday to work on this upcoming engineering project they're doing together and we always just set her a plate for dinner. My DD has to eat so it'd be awkward and a bit unkind if her friend wasn't eating as well! Even if my kids have just brought a friend round after school without me knowing, I'll always make sure they have dinner or if they're only staying for a bit, a good snack.

I would be fine and have but would consider food allergies, DS has had two friends with severe allergies to nuts, that had epi pens. If I was the parents whose child was being fed every single week I would check it was ok as well.

not triggered

just disturbed that a parent could actually consider sending a 12 year old boy to another room or have him sit at the table eating nothing

And all this…. I don’t mind feeding him in the slightest…. I was curious in what others think 😆

You’re getting a hard time OP, bit unfair.
yes, I wouldn’t give it a second thought, but I had three kids, close in age, and once they were school age, they often brought friends home, and I’d feed however many were here. Then as they grew older it would be partners as well . So it was normal for us. I usually cook a lot and freeze leftovers, so always had enough.
and don’t assume that friend is fessing up about having been fed at yours so not eating another meal later!
My ds at that age would be wolfing down bowls of cereal whilst I was cooking his dinner, then raiding the biscuit tin an hour after. Hollow legs at that age.
Don’t stress just feed them carb loaded stodge.

You can't feed your son and not his friend, so your options are either stop his friend coming at dinner time or stop giving dinner before they go out.
I'd feed the kid.

I was thinking that you were getting a hard time on here, but this is a bit much.

In response to the original question, I'd feed the kid.

I'd give him dinner (I'd check it was OK with the Dad). I'd do tuna pasta bake that evening instead of salmon steaks (DS2s friends always bloody loved salmon and broccoli with rice, and there was never any left for DH when he got home!)

Yeah, no. You would seriously consider telling a child that we are having dinner now but there is none for you so go sit it the other room and starve til you get home? That's horrible. Imo you have offered him dinner by inviting him around at dinner time. He is a guest in your house, eating a meal infront of him would be so rude.

35, why?

because texting wasn’t something remotely that was around when i was going for play dates (im early forties) so was curious!

apparently texting only became possible to users in 1999 by which point i was 18 so bit late for parents to be texting about my dinner plans! 😆

Wow. Unless I was realllly broke then of course I'd feed him too. Thats excruciatingly rude to make a kid wait AT DINNERTIME whilst your child tucks in. That's shocking behaviour

Ah right, in the early 2000s when I was in high school we all had Nokia 3310s. Playing Snake and buying ring tones was a key part of high school life for me (as well as texting my mum 🤣).

I cannot remember a single time, as a child, when I wasn’t given lunch/dinner etc at a friend’s house. Even a take away would include everyone. Working class background, not sure if that makes a difference. I would definitely feed your son’s friend, could be embarrassing for him if you start not to.

I find it an odd thing that you and so many others seem so triggered by this. I guess other people's business is what makes your life more interesting.

I don't think it is triggered OP, more rather staggered at the level of pettiness it takes to be so bothered by this that you make a post in order to garner opinions that you hope aligns with yours.

I wouldn't think twice about feeding this child - even once a week! 🙄

Maybe different era/time but it seems odd to send child away while everyone else ate. The majority of households I know would offer food. Sounds a bit cruel tbh.

You’d have dinner with your family and leave the visiting boy in another room?

In what world is that socially acceptable!!??

@Mumtobabyhavoc I would've politely left and then not spoken to them again! Appalling behaviour

How much time do they spend at the friend's house?

Would it make sense to arrange with the other parents that you feed the friend and they will take the younger sibling with them so you wouldn't have to go there as well to drop off the younger one?

I get what you're saying OP. I think it's quite cheeky of the parents to just expect their son being fed (since they haven't communicated with you). I would not let my child over regularly without 1. Making sure it's OK 2. Either invite the other child regularly as well or if not possible send food stuff/gifts to parents and 3. Thanking the family.

I think it's not about OP not wanting to feed a child, more about the parents lack of manners. I would keep on feeding the child for his and for my son's sake. It's not his fault that his parents lack manners.

Not even sure what this means…
I spend my life in the real world, op, where feeding your child’s friend wouldn’t give rise to all this angst.
You have form for starting ridiculous threads, not me.

How ironic... while spending your evening in an online forum... and now stalking me.... interesting.