Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

There is no way that I would have him sitting there, and not feed him. If you are expecting him once a week, just do an easy meal, such as fish, and chips.

YANBU,
It's more than just the cost of the meal though.. It's also about having to figure out what the child might/ might not like to eat and catering for them.
Of course no mother in this age is going to let another child go hungry but , every week, is an additional load!

Of course you give the child a dinner. When I was in my mid teens I had dinner every Saturday evening in my friend’s house. Both her parents were out of work but they always made me feel very welcome.

But you’re not going to do this? 🤞

How early did you arrive? Was he ready to go at the time you’d agreed to collect him?

We have exactly the same scenario...my sons friend comes back here at least once a week, sometimes twice in between school and youth club or football. If there's a child here over a meal time, of course I will always offer them a meal. Might only be pasta or fish fingers and chips but I can't imagine not feeding a child in my home.

Well OP, if you are feeding him every week, I would think it perfectly reasonable that you ask their father to take your younger boy so they can go together and it saves you a trip.
Then you both win.

Be careful of what exactly? I can guarantee if I flipped this on its head and my post was my son and his friend have decided they will go to his house once a week after school but his mum doesn't make my son dinner, the responses would flip too. It would be "You shouldn't expect another mum to feed your child. You must be some kind of narcissist".

Maybe one day I'll create that post to prove my point, but in the meantime, I will reiterate, I was only asking if you would feed or not feed. I wasn't asking to be judged. I wasn't asking for any further discussion on it really, but that's mumsnet for you I guess.

About 15 mins early. And it wasn't separate rooms. It was open plan. Wife didn't even look over 😂😂😂

Yeah I'd have no problem with this if your cooking anyway one extra portion is nothing.

I will reiterate, I was only asking if you would feed or not feed. I wasn't asking to be judged. I wasn't asking for any further discussion on it really, but that's mumsnet for you I guess.

It was gentle teasing fgs. 🤦‍♀️
@ILCTM

It's great your son has friends OP and maintains relationships, it's priceless. You're making memories fir them. When your son's friend is older he'll look back and be so grateful for how accommodating you were. These things tend to come back as good deeds in the future

No one goes hungry in my house.
Not me, my children or guests.
I wouldn't begrudge feeding kids tbh, but we just have easy foods to cook all round and it would probably cost about £1 or so for an extra portion, and we don't earn lots but it's affordable to make sure someone isn't hungry.

Oh, just feed the poor little sod, and teach your son a valuable lesson about social behaviour.
One you clearly need to learn yourself, first.

I honestly don't mind feeding him, I was just interested to see what other people would do because I know if it was the other way round and my son was going to his friend's every week and they were feeding him, I'd message his friend's mum to ask if this is ok with her or I'd send my son with a packed lunch to tide him over until he got back from his club. I personally would never expect anyone to feed my child, especially when it's just a casual arrangement between friends.

says you... I'm guessing you spend a lot of your life in forums.

Jesus, what a pile on!

I see where you are coming from OP, the expectation to just feed someone every week would probably grate on me, not the actual act of feeding the child.

Also, when I was younger we were skint. Super skint. If I just bought someone home to eat without forward planning it would have caused my mum a huge problem. There was barely enough to go around as it was.

I was always fed at my friend’s houses.
My mum did the same. It was welcoming.

She is feeding him though, her question was whether she should have been or should continue?? What is wrong with some people on here, had a bad day or something?!

Do his parents know he is having dinner at yours OP? They may have their dinner later all together as a family in which case that answers your question and you could give them a snack to tide them over?

Or do they assume you are going to feed him? maybe worth checking in a 'I've been giving him dinner, but just realised you may not want me to?' sort of way and see what they say?

if his parents are okay with it I'd feed him, but keep it cheap and easy.

says the poster who’s started a litany of threads about various things that piss her off

I think the friend's dad should bring your two kids home after youth club.
One meal for one (I assume fairly short) journey seems a fair swap.

I used to feed all and sundry if they were here.
He probably has another dinner when he gets home which is a win for any teenage boy.

My teenage daughter will have second dinner tonight too after getting back from hockey. They are empty vessels!

@Blueskieslookingatme "I think the friend's dad should bring your two kids home after youth club.
One meal for one (I assume fairly short) journey seems a fair swap."

I loathe tallykeeping at the best of times- but surely no one thinks driving two children home to somewhere not on your own route home is remotely equivalent to putting an extra handful of pasta in the pot?

I honestly don't mind feeding him, I was just interested to see what other people would do

😆

You start a thread which so very clearly conveys that it’s “not my responsibility”to feed him and “when i was…. we’d go off alone or just sit with the family whilst they ate”

Come on Op… own it! You did and do have a problem with it! Thankfully though… it seems like this thread will stop you doing something daft about it!