Making dinner for my son's friend

[ILCTM]

So my 12 year old son goes to a youth club once a week in the evening. On this day, his friend has been coming home with him straight from school, which is fine, then his friend's dad will come and collect them both, they go back to his house where they'll make their way to the youth club as they live walking distance from it.

The first couple of times my son brought his friend back, I made them both dinner, but I didn't know this was going to be a weekly thing. I have no problem with him coming round at all, but I'm just thinking, if it was you, would you feed his friend every week? I mean on the one hand, I'm making dinner anyway, it's not a big deal, but then on the other hand, I don't really feel like it's my responsibility to feed another child every week.

I remember being their age and sometimes friends would be at mine when it was my dinner time and vice versa and we'd either go home or just hang out in their rooms or whatever. Our parents didn't make dinner for friends unless it was specifically arranged. Just wondering what everyone else would do?

the idea my 12 year old was in the care of someone who thought it would be appropriate for them to sit and watch the family eat or go to wait in another room

yep, scary

I'd feed him, as you say it won't make much difference to the weekly budget if it's some ordinary meal that can be stretched.

What's the timings? Are the boys are at your house until 6:30pm, drive to youth club for 7pm?

If so he's there for dinner time so yes you feed him.

I did this for my dcs friend and my adult son recently mentioned it...it's a lovely memory for him.

I'm a bit of a feeder, so absolutely I would. I'd probably just do something easy to make more of, so pasta etc with a bit of crusty bread

Scary stuff??

the idea my 12 year old was in the care of someone who thought it would be appropriate for them to sit and watch the family eat or go to wait in another room
yep, scary

Well put and your child feeling comfortable in theirs hopefully..and knowing you have set a good standard of hospitality for your kids, this should be the norm and unless we show it and implement these behaviours how else would they know?

@gummania
What's your problem with OP?
What's with all the unnecessarily unpleasant posts?

I usually ask if they want dinner and make accordingly. Some kids don't like eating at other homes, some parents don't like it either. I just ask so it can declined if not wanted and make whatever I've got if accepted. I actually only ask if I've got enough (if I'm not aware anyone is coming I'll not necessarily have enough to feed them). I never remember it being a big deal not getting offered dinner at a mates, some did and some didn't. I was super picky so mostly declined anyways

The op thought that a 12 year old boy being sent to another room or watching the family eat was appropriate

actually think about that for a minute
imagine your son in that situation

You’d find this ok??

I'd just feed him, I'd do pasta, pizza or nuggets, something easy but I couldn't feed my kid and leave their friend out that feels really mean.

Mine are adults now but I always fed their friends if they were round. Would seem extremely rude and tight not to. It doesn't need to be expensive. Keep a few cheap pizzas in the freezer or make a big bowl of pesto pasta.

My son's friend comes home with us once a week before I take them to an activity! I'm more than happy to feed one extra person and actually, that particular night has b come pizza night which is quite fun! Hope his mum doesn't mind me feeding him junk! ;)

We have a very relaxed attitude to friends and family. If someone is here around dinner time they'll be offered food and we are more accomodating than many of our friends about last minute sleepovers and playdates, so it's not unusual for us to have unexpected extras and I've become adept at bulking out meals to ensure it goes round us all, so personally I'd just feed the other kid without a second thought. Alternatively the older kids aren't always ready to eat with us or their friends are eating later at home, so we are equally comfortable plating up the food for them to have later, which could be an alternative option for you?

Appreciate not everyone is the same way, it's absolutely fine to set your own boundaries but be clear ahead of time so everyone knows where they stand.

Of course I would! Completely bizarre not to.

Feeling responsible for something implies an obligation or a duty. In saying I don't feel it's my responsibility, I am merely expressing that I don't feel it is my personal duty to do this, not that I am unwilling to feed his friend.

Anyway, you're derailing, and I'm in the wrong part of Mumsnet, this was more of a what would you do, not an 'am I being unreasonable, please judge me' kind of post. It required a simple "Yes I'd feed him" or a "No I wouldn't". That's all.

To leave a 13 year old boy hanging out in his friend's bedroom playing on the xbox on his own for 10 minutes? Yeah, I'd be totally ok with that. When I was a kid, this would regularly happen with me and my friends. Dinner every evening was never a formal event for any of us. Perhaps my life was less sheltered than some of yours, but if you wasn't invited by the parents for dinner, you didn't have dinner there. That was that.

I’d feed him, it’s nice for your DS to have the house where his friend’s want to visit/stay for dinner etc.

There is no way I'd serve a meal to my child and exclude his friend. I am surprised anyone would consider doing that.

Yeah feeding him wouldn’t bother me at all.

Make a post. Get responses.
Argue with posters. Get flamed. 😂
Be careful... 😊

This place gets stranger with every thread!

I can't imagine how someone's brain works out that it's ok to feed their family, and leave a 12 year old friend just sitting there without food! I just can't understand this kind of thinking!! Utterly bizarre!

I cannot believe how stingy some people are.

But, it's not uncommon.

A few years ago I was carpooling with a colleague to a weekend event. Drove to his, arrived early. Him and wife were having lunch. He told me they were having lunch and asked me to have a seat in the living room, which I did. He then went back to dining room, sat down and they continued eating and talking for about 15 minutes. It was so weird! Acted like I wasn't there! 😂

If roles were reversed I'd offer a cup of tea, at keast. 🤷‍♀️