Boyfriends mum is upset that DP and I didn’t spend enough time with her on holiday

[Smokedicecream]

I have been with my partner for just over a year now, we are in our late 20s. She works for a travel agents so gets quite a big discount on some holidays. She said she wanted to go on holiday with us. I had my doubts because I didn’t know if it would be awkward, we aren’t particularly close. But DP thought it would be fun.

We went on holiday and she’s a big sunbather, she just wanted to lie around sunbathing and reading books, which is totally fine! No issue with it. But we like to go exploring and go to the beach and water parks etc. we asked her if she wanted to join us but she said no every time. Some days we did stay with her because at the end of the day, we were on holiday together and didn’t want her to just feel like she was on a solo holiday. But we get bored and antsy just sat around all day so would go and do thing. Even if it was just for a little walk to explore a bit, she didn’t want to come.

Now that we are back she has expressed to me that she felt very lonely and sad on the holiday and also made her realise that she is lonely in general because seeing myself and DP together and holding hands and laughing together etc made her upset. I think she felt a bit like a third wheel which we didn’t mean to do. We don’t do PDA, have never kissed or cuddled or acted inappropriate in public. But I think it just reaffirmed to her that she is alone, seeing us two enjoy a holiday together.

She seems to be expecting some kind of apology, she is acting angry with me (not sure why it’s just me) and saying she felt left out. She has expressed all of this to me via text and I haven’t responded yet. Am I the unreasonable one here? I just feel like, she went on holiday with a couple, didn’t want to do anything with us other than lie by the pool and is now upset about. But I don’t know how that’s my fault? I also paid for the holiday with my money and didn’t want to just hang around the hotel all day

What a nasty comment. I've reported but in the sad world we live in it's probably ok😔

You're being bullied by a bunch of borderline alcoholics. Your partner is part of the problem.

It's classic though. If he doesn't drink, in some way he's showing them up.like how much they drink.
And some people don't like it when people rise out of their circumstances.
They want to keep him on their level.

Alcoholism is a funny thing op.
Kids who grew up in households where one or more parents regularly drank (were alcoholics) have a very high chance of doing it themselves. Even if they saw the effects it had on them growing up and promised themselves they wouldn't do it.
You should read the book "it will never happen to me"
Anyway I'd be careful, haven't often seen people pipe down on drink for too long .
Rather the opposite.

She's not been treated well from the mother. But your comment was grim.

I'm well into my 50s. Hardly a snowflake ❄️

It's this.

Whatever you do, don't do this. It would come across as patronising and inappropriate.
She's an adult and is presumably single for a reason.
You do you. You sound great

Yeah I agree and I doubt the mother would be making these remarks about being “lonely” if he had still been with his ex.

She’s trying to disguise her animosity a bit better now, but really this is more about the fact she clearly doesn’t approve of OP and is trying to quietly stir some trouble.

No doubt she was happy enough being single when her son was with his ex, so I doubt it’s actually about her relationship status.

I wonder if she expected her son to drink on holiday and keep her company and that’s why she is throwing her toys out of the pram. She thought you would be the only feeling left out.

The trouble your boyfriend has is he wants a peaceful life and thinks ignoring his mother’s bad behaviour is the way to achieve it but nothing ever gets sorted out and it gets swept under the rug. The trouble being a people pleaser who doesn’t like confrontation is they can’t please everyone, they have weak boundaries that erodes away at their self worth.They end up very frustrated in life, prone to depression and with alcohol dependency in the family could very well end up using alcohol to cope.
There are so many red flags with his family’s behaviour and how he deals with them, that is why a lot of people are asking if that’s what you want to put up with in the future.

Both my parents and at least one of my grandparents were alcoholics. My parents ran a very successful pub - but they paid the price. My father died young as a result. I don't know about two of the other three grandparents because I barely knew them.

I was a heavy drinker for decades. Only the love of a woman I was afraid of losing saved me. Two of my four children drink too much. Booze is as powerful a drug as any. It's just a little slower than some others. You are in dangerous territory. Unless you stand firm you will find it hard to cope. Watch out - and good luck.

My sibling married one of these. in the end the family that had abandoned him as a child. Initially he wasn't interested but slipped heavily into drink and drugs. I'd give serious thought to whether you're prepared to put up with this dynamic long term.