New guy ignoring me

[YourTealMaker]

Hey, I have been talking with someone for around a month, he has been the sweetest person ever & made me so very happy! - however for the past week he has rarely popped up to my messages.
we got into a heated argument when he was drunk & he called me a slag & ugly & to look at the state of my self. Accused me of having a boyfriend ect … he didn’t speak to me the day after this & then he messaged me basically saying that the truth comes out when you’re drunk. I have tried to speak to him but he has been very blunt, I asked him if he wants to meet Friday to talk. He said he will pay for a hotel if I choose one but he isn’t inviting me to his because he said “ I am fragile” and I need something from him that he can’t give at the moment (not sure what this means) i really like him but I don’t think he feels the same way

I'm not going to waste my time because I can see everyone else has said it all.

But those messages you screenshot were just embarrassing.

he told me that if I don’t go to therapy I can always speak to him and open up to him

Do not do this.

Under no circumstances do this.

She will.

And she'll get pregnant.

And she'll stay with him while he treats her like shit.

And she'll post one day how she's trapped with three kids with a man who abuses her and she's got no access to money and no way to leave and he shouts abuse at the kids but she loves him and can anyone help her get him to understand what he's doing is not OK.

And she'll say apart from that, he's an amazing dad who loves his kids.

We only talk through Snapchat, he has had no phone so hardly any contact this week - I posted these messages because the rest of them delete after 24 hours

You have gone straight from one despicable abuser to another, and because they are different from one another, and you are so desperate for someone to be nice to you (which he was for a short while), that you just can't see all the huge, massive, enormous, gigantic red flags that are waving all over the place.

Please, please listen to what everyone is saying and stay far away from this awful man. All he wants is to use you for his sexual gratification, so for God's sake end it immediately.

Needing therapy and needing to get rid of this loser are different issues. There's no point in therapy if you destroy your life with this piece of shit. Get rid of him now.

Well, he writes exactly like you do so there's a plus.
Must be a good match.

I am definitely listening and taking everything into account, I just have very intense emotions and when I pull away he just pulls me back in. Part of me does really like him but I do know that he isn’t good for me. I haven’t spoken to him today so I can go without speaking to him, but I know when he does try to contact me I’m just going to crumble I literally can’t even help it but therapy is definitely an option I will be looking into

I understand the feeling when you are strongly attracted to someone. It can be overwhelming. You need to do this. It won't be easy. You'll be saving your life.

He doesn't love you.

He doesn't like you.

He doesn't even fancy you enough to really want to have sex with you.

Come on now, OP.

Don’t just “look into”, call a therapist today. Most likely you are repeating relationships that you experienced with caregivers as a child. You are attracted to men who are unavailable, abusive and who only throw you a few scraps of attention that you desperately crave like a starving puppy. I feel so bad for you and hope one day, you will be genuinely happy either way someone who truly cares about you.

Girl, stop. Be so fucking for-real right now. This man is abusing the shit out of you. Youre defending him like hes nice. Hes not and hes a twat. Take it from someone who has actually been there and done that with SO many men. I now pay the price by requiring hours of therapy and genuinely having to rebuild myself properly in my late 20s. You WILL fall in a very vicious cycle if you dont leave this man.

Take heed of these replies. I was you once. You will be so unbelievably fucked up if you dont get a grip. And fast.

If you’re okay with being no more than a shag and you want to be a statistic. Then yes, enter this relationship with gay abandon. This man will use and abuse you, then move on again to another vulnerable woman.

You’ve been called a slag, why you think that is an acceptable comment? You are being a whole mess with this. The screenshots make you look even worse. You are literally ignoring the MASSIVE RED FLAG that this man is. He is a twat. Move on. There is more than just one man. You dont have feelings for him, you like having someone because you most likely feel lonely. Stop it. Just dont do it to yourself. Im actually telling you, he doesnt care. Just please listen.

Is this real? If so, he’s a horror and you clearly have very low self esteem and standards. Why would you want to meet with someone who calls you ugly and a slag? What the fuck am I reading? Just tell him to fuck off and block. Please up your bar. You’re going to end up in an abusive relationship if you think this kind of behaviour is acceptable.

I don’t know how you can be attracted to someone who speaks to you that way. He sounds horrible. Even his messages that are meant to be him being nice to you, he sounds awful and clearly has zero respect for you.

I mean all of this kindly. Your self esteem is damaged from your abusive relationship. You want to feel safe and loved. This man is being truthful about his lack of genuine interest in you for anything other than sex. He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t have any respect for you. He’s not kind and he’s not caring. He’s got an unpleasant temper. All he wants is a shag and he is spelling that out.

For your own self esteem and mental health you need to stop adding more damage to your existing damage. The longer you seek love from him, the more he’ll hurt you.

Block him. Invest your energy in someone who’ll be good for you. Don’t have yet another shit man in your life.

Darling please please pause. Grow yourself, a man that treats you RIGHT will come at the right time

I'm guessing you're pretty young. Please take heed of all the good advice you have received. You absolutely will look back and regret it if you don't.

Oh for fuck's sake, how many more threads are you going to start about imaginary men you've known for a month?

Stop posting this shit and search out some help, you really need it

He doesn't sound like the sweetest person ever. He sounds nasty and out of control. Best avoided.

I literally can’t even help it

You literally can. You're just literally choosing not to.

You block his number, delete it and it's done. But you won't do that will you?

Yeah, I know... 🙄

Ok so I made it a point to not speak to him yesterday but last night he started ringing my phone & messaging me - I told him I don’t mind meeting but to just keep it casual the way he wanted, but I am not even sure if me and him is what I want anymore after posting on here & from the advise I’ve been given. I have booked a hotel room just incase I might meet him but I am still in two minds. Now I’ve taken what everyone has said in to account and now I have woken up in a sort of different mind set. I just feel like if I do go to meet him everything will just go downhill but then part of me thinks maybe it might not I really don’t know what I am going to do but Thankyou everyone for your help & opinions I have been on the phone to my GP this morning to talk about my medication maybe getting it changed + to seek councilling & I have a call back for this afternoon.

Cancel the hotel.

Show the doctor the messages this afternoon.

There is literally no helping you. You are choosing this. You are actively seeking this out.

"I'm a bad girl"? Wtf is wrong with you?

Don't come complaining he treats you like shit. Shit is clearly what you crave

For the love of God get help and do not bring kids into this shitshow. They shouldn't suffer for your choices.

Another vote for cancelling the hotel. What are you planning to achieve with meeting him? What you say to him in messages is not what you are saying to us at all. And, also, please stop sharing screenshots of your conversations. You have no boundaries, you are massively oversharing and, frankly, it is not helpful to anyone.