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Original poster

New guy ignoring me

289 replies

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 09:24

Hey, I have been talking with someone for around a month, he has been the sweetest person ever & made me so very happy! - however for the past week he has rarely popped up to my messages.
we got into a heated argument when he was drunk & he called me a slag & ugly & to look at the state of my self. Accused me of having a boyfriend ect … he didn’t speak to me the day after this & then he messaged me basically saying that the truth comes out when you’re drunk. I have tried to speak to him but he has been very blunt, I asked him if he wants to meet Friday to talk. He said he will pay for a hotel if I choose one but he isn’t inviting me to his because he said “ I am fragile” and I need something from him that he can’t give at the moment (not sure what this means) i really like him but I don’t think he feels the same way

OP posts:
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7
ErickBroch · 14/11/2024 12:20

This is really embarrassing - he does not like you. You are actually begging this man to have sex with you. Please, for your own dignity, stop.

FlippertyFlopperty · 14/11/2024 12:21

Are you aware he just wants you for sex?

ErickBroch · 14/11/2024 12:21

FlippertyFlopperty · 14/11/2024 12:21

Are you aware he just wants you for sex?

It doesn't even seem like he wants her for that! He is not even bothered

ChaToilLeam · 14/11/2024 12:28

Why all this agonising?

He‘s a horrible man. Just block him.

Original poster
YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

OP posts:
buffyspikefaithangel · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

Your priorities are out
Someone calls you a dirty slag, you walk off and block them on everything
Don't bother being confused, it's wasting precious minutes of your life on a fuckwit that does not matter
Why are you spending all this time on someone that's calling you disgusting names?

Catza · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

None of this matters. He is telling you what he wants right now which is that he wants nothing to do with you. He is not even committed to having sex with you and expects you to run around organising a hotel room which he may or may not pay for or show up at. What happened before today/last week/last month is absolutely of no relevance. And you know it. Because if he shows up tomorrow with a bunch of roses and proposes, you are not going to think "but last week you said you just wanted sex". You only choose to focus on what you want to believe. But believe what he is telling you now because this is the only truth that matters.
If you want some perspective, look at a three-months-old thread where the girl took her waste of a boyfriend on an all-paid-for trip to Thailand despite him giving her very clear message about what he intended to do there. See if you start seeing your own situation differently after that.

Mirabai · 14/11/2024 12:40

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

He’s a hot mess and you need to steer clear.

Original poster
YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

OP posts:
HelenHen · 14/11/2024 12:44

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

I'm not sure why you're confused? He's literally grooming you into an abusive relationship.

Walk away, spend at least a year being single, get therapy, because you do not recognise abuse when you see it.

BodyKeepingScore · 14/11/2024 12:44

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:32

This is why I’m so confused because he’s saying this now but last week he told me doesn’t speak to anyone else, he doesn’t bother with girls, & that he could see me and him moving in together & telling me he loves me.

on Friday we got into a massive argument because I didn’t end up meeting him - he was sat saying that he could batter anyone that I know & my little boyfriend (he is convinced I have a boyfriend because I go to bed early) sending me multiple messages that I had to ignore because I didn’t want to argue and I was telling him this. He was telling me that he is going to go and fuck someone else, that I am a dirty little slag and to look at the state of my self ect… he’s some how managed to smash his phone so he’s been putting his SIM card in his brother or sisters phone ( he stood outside of his brothers work just to speak to me the other day for like half an hour) - his phone isn’t fixed yet so I haven’t really spoken to him as much as we used to but he’s just being cold and distant and now saying he just wants to be friends.

Why on earth are you even remotely attracted to this waste of space?

Mirabai · 14/11/2024 12:45

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

So you need to do the Freedom Programme and have at least a year with no relationship.

Eightdayz · 14/11/2024 12:46

I'm struggling to believe that you could be so desperate for love that you'd ignore all these warnings.

Gently. Please. Get some therapy

OliviaRodrighost · 14/11/2024 12:47

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

GET THERAPY. BE BY YOURSELF FOR A WHILE.

This guy is a complete cunt. Fucking hell OP. Why tell us all these details about him?? It doesn’t matter. He’s scum and he’s not even hiding it. Your brain is fucked up. Your judgment is wrong.

TwistedWonder · 14/11/2024 12:47

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

That’s one of the saddest things I’ve read on here. You have no problem with a man who has no respect for you and calls you a slag? And you think all you are worth is paying for a hotel room to allow pathetic disgusting pieces of shit to have sex with you like you’re an unpaid prostitute?

Seriously you need to go back to your GO and fight to get therapy because continuing down this path with destroy any slight amount of dignity you have left.

No one should allow themselves to be treated like shit and just accept it

Original poster
YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:48

I met him literally within hours of breaking up with my ex, my ex boyfriend was out cheating I need to get out the house there isn’t much near me so I went to the pub after I finished work for some food and basically fresh air. I was in the smoking area and he approached me there calling me beautiful ect and we just got to speaking. His brother did have to tell him to stop being so touchy with me but apart from that all seemed okay.

OP posts:
Todaywasbetter · 14/11/2024 12:50

Sad, sad, sad no one can reach you.
Except the damaged man who wants to damage you.

Maria1979 · 14/11/2024 12:58

@YourTealMaker
You do not need this any more than you need crack cocaïne. Seriously, get some therapy asap because you sound like you are extremely fragile and lost. I am saying this with kindness, not irony. Stay away from the people who are literally spelling out that they do not want what you want. Take care of yourself and make sure you are in a better place before starting a relationship or you will only get hurt..

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/11/2024 13:02

There's literally nothing here to be confused about.

He's making it clear. Crystal fucking clear.

He's not interested.

He may fuck you because you're making it easy for him, but even then he's not particularly bothered.

Sorry to be harsh but you need to be told. You deserve better than this prick.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 14/11/2024 13:02

Nothing anyone says will change your mind because you don't value yourself. Any male attention is desperately grabbed on to and you will take any amount of shit. Probably up to and including being knocked about.

You will never be happy unless you work hard to value yourself. You deserve better than this. You truly do. This is about your lack of self esteem and self respect. I've been there. Not with name calling but with a different behaviour I carried out for the exact same reasons I suggest above. With me it was sleeping with any man who was willing to use me just to feel wanted, even for a moment.

Only you can change you and I implore you to try to ask for help in order to have a normal life.

In the meantime please please please please PLEASE don't get pregnant.

Bigcat25 · 14/11/2024 13:08

He's fucking with your head on purpose, using love bombing. People shouldn't want to give you the world after a couple weeks. Dump and run. It sounds like you need to learn about what a healthy relationship looks like, he's way too disordered.

Userxyd · 14/11/2024 13:36

You need to wise up asap. You will wise up one day and realise how awful he is - just make sure it's soon. If you bring children into this relationship you will never be free and your whole life will be drama misery and fighting.
Just get rid of him you're wasting precious time that you could be finding some sweet and caring who'll be a proper friend and lover to you. This guy sounds awful, emotionally unstable as well and you've already had problems and conflict after just one date?!! Cannot see the attraction at all!

KrisAkabusi · 14/11/2024 13:56

He is a horrible person. You deserve better. If you have any self-awareness, self-respect, ambition just run away now. He is a terrible person, cruel and manipulative. Listen to what EVERY SINGLE PERSON is telling you and end it with him now. For your own mental, and quite possible, physical health.

leia24 · 14/11/2024 13:57

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

His messages say if you're being serious he will meet you to shag you. This man literally doesn't give a fuck about you.
Play it through in your head. Where do you think it's going? What are you looking for with him?

Natty13 · 14/11/2024 14:10

YourTealMaker · 14/11/2024 12:43

To be honest I’m just honestly used to the name calling it doesn’t really phase me I know that’s bad to say

Well you SHOULD be phased.

Look, my husband is incredible. Proper movie style man. He cam drive me mad but from the day we met I've felt secure, loved and looked after. You aren't going to find love like that if you keep wasting your time choosing losers. And you deserve that kind of love, we all do because you have a lot of love to give back!

Work on your self esteem. Get a hobby. Get some therapy. Do things for YOU to heal YOU before you start looking for a man. This one saw you coming and chances are it will happen again until you do something about your self esteem. Wise up.