New guy ignoring me

[YourTealMaker]

Hey, I have been talking with someone for around a month, he has been the sweetest person ever & made me so very happy! - however for the past week he has rarely popped up to my messages.
we got into a heated argument when he was drunk & he called me a slag & ugly & to look at the state of my self. Accused me of having a boyfriend ect … he didn’t speak to me the day after this & then he messaged me basically saying that the truth comes out when you’re drunk. I have tried to speak to him but he has been very blunt, I asked him if he wants to meet Friday to talk. He said he will pay for a hotel if I choose one but he isn’t inviting me to his because he said “ I am fragile” and I need something from him that he can’t give at the moment (not sure what this means) i really like him but I don’t think he feels the same way

Raise your standards, please! Tell him to fuck off so he'll think again about speaking to a woman like this, otherwise these men never learn. Why do you want someone like this?

You cannot have "strong feelings" for someone you've met only once. This man is a walking red flag. You've known him mere weeks and he's insulting and abusing you already.

I suggest some therapy for you to explore why it is such awful treatment makes you feel "alive"

Rude.

Please don't waste your time and energy on this twat. There will be someone out there who wouldn't dream of speaking to you or treating you like this. Be kind to yourself and walk away. X

Did he lovebomb you and did you sleep with him when you met up with him? If so he sounds like that's all he wanted and now he's trying to get rid of you.

Please look after yourself, he sounds awful! Block him and work on yourself.

It's not rude when it's quite clearly not a genuine thread.

Kind, sweet people do not get drunk and call people ugly slags and then book a hotel room just for a hook up. The man is using you for sex. Please stop contacting him and work on your self esteem. You are worth more than being used for sex.

If this is intact real - you have come out a 4 year abusive relationship and your boundaries are blurred and your sense of normalcy is skewed. You need time on your own to adjust and heal. When you've suffered abuse, you become used to the up and down and likely subconsciously when he has called you names and treated you poorly, it's felt familiar to you. Your brain almost recognises that place as what you're familiar with.

This is the beginning of another bad relationship. Take my word for it. Walk away. You feel head over heels because he's paid you so much attention and now he's pulling it away and calling you fragile for reacting. He's using intermittent reinforcement.

WTAF have I just read? Seriously?

He is not sweet. He does not make you happy. It’s been four weeks!!!! Four weeks in and he’s already been drunk and verbally abusive. He doesn’t want to meet to talk (though I have zero understanding of why you would remotely be interested in talking any further with him), he’s willing to pay for a hotel room so he gets sex . He’s not willing to have you to his place because he probably lives with his gf (you’re the other woman), lives st home (raging incel) or doesn’t want you to know where he lives (doesn’t see you as anything more than one fuck).

Get some standards or at least understand that in 12 months time you’re self esteem and sense of self worth will be even lower than they are now and you’re going to be in the exact same situation… chasing after a selfish dick who is not worth it.

You only JUST left very abusive relatives. Stay off dating, concentrate on yourself.

OP I am begging you, do not meet this loser! This could've been me 10 years ago, hadn't got a lot of self-esteem but met a guy OLD who I thought was perfect after two dates with him, after which he sent called me one night to arrange date number three and when I said I couldn't make a particular night he went ape, same as your one, including saying that I was "playing him", he said he imagined I was married and a faker, and for some reason I felt I needed to prove him wrong and that I was lovely (I am) so met him again but this time gave him my address (shakes own head). Two years later I was desperate to get him out of my life, he had every red flag in the book and I ignored them all until he eventually dumped himself during a text argument which I refused to engage in. I have been single for years since and have even worse self-esteem thanks to idiots like that, I could've met someone nice but thought i'd give him a chance. Please do not make the same mistake that I did and find someone that values you. BLOCK HIM

I was once like you after coming out of a very toxic marriage. I think this is trauma bond, please get therapy. Therapy helped me massively. If I friend told you someone was behaving like this what would you say to them?

Anyone who thinks they love a man they barely know who treats them like this urgently needs some therapy.

OP, he is vile!

You need therapy. I'm not saying that to be nasty, I genuinely hope you can be strong enough to block this abusive moron and get the help you clearly need.

Please stay away from dating apps until you've developed self respect, absolutely nobody deserves to be treated like this. The fact that you seem really into him is worrying.

I can’t believe I’m reading this. Block him now and move on.

* for context **

Have some self respect, he's just not that into you and you're coming across as begging for any type of attention.

Jesus Christ you’re asking someone you just met to be be the love of your life?!

There is no context that shouldn't have you running like fuck.

Raise your bar.... a lot.

Generally the sweetest people ever don't call their girlfriends ugly slags

Get some self esteem ffs

He’s being as explicit that he can be that he doesn’t want what you want and you’re begging like a lovesick teenager?

I don’t condone him having called you names but you’re equally as much of a red flag to be honest.

He just wants sex & he’s made that pretty clear.
Block & move on - you’ll only get your feelings hurt if you meet him Friday.
Also what he said when drunk was super rude - you’d want that forever? I don’t think so..

@YourTealMaker Your previous abusive relationship has fucked you up mentally. You need help or you will continue the cycle. Look up The Freedom Programme. You need to be by yourself for a while, stop jumping into relationships with unsuitable men who are using you.

You need to re-evaluate your definition of "the sweetest person ever".

You would be unreasonable to pursue this relationship in any way.