Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

[Luminiiii]

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

Have you told him it’s important to you?

It’s irrelevant - you’re either married or you’re not. DH and I have been married 30 years and neither of us has ever worn a wedding or engagement ring.

It’s not something that would bother me if I am honest. DH doesn’t have a ring. Never did. I can’t recall the last time I wore mine. doesn't make us any less married or committed. I don’t need a ring to show that.

He is his own person it is up to him stop being controlling

It is an important symbol to some people, I suggest you explain that this is how you feel, OP.

Sounds controlling to me. He should be able to decide for himself. It’s not up to you. I’ve chosen not to wear my wedding ring for long periods for different reasons. If DH was pushing me to wear it I’d feel uncomfortable.

I would feel the same as you OP. People on mumsnet will love to tell you you're overreacting and it's just a ring etc. It's an important symbol to you, and it's an important part of the wedding ceremony in the first place too. I would say to him that it matters to you and go from there. Or could you buy one for him for Christmas maybe? Just a thought. Doesn't have to be a "make a day of it" thing, just a quick order online would be fine I'm sure. My husband's wedding ring is a simple silver band and that's easy enough to replace if we ever need to.

Why is it important to you? Is it because married people wear rings (because they don’t have to)? You’ve said it’s not the appearing single but just saying it’s the symbolism, what exactly is it that is inportant to you?

My husband has never worn his ring apart from the actual wedding day and I'm fine with it. Do you trust him? Shouldn't really matter to you otherwise. I don't wear mine everyday either.

Most married people I know don't wear rings. They still remember they're married. YABU.

Do you feel a need to mark your territory

I’ve never worn one as we weren’t all at work
wife randomly puts hers on

You've totally missed the point
You've never worn a ring?! Which is fine but
OP and her husband have and did and chose to so yes op it would bother me and I've just asked my husband and yes he said the same if I had lost mine

Controlling ? Cannot believe are being labelled controlling ! Well then that means both me and my husband are ' controlling ' for wanting to wear a ring

Like my husband said he paid 6.5k for my ring and if I didn't want to wear it why not when it's a symbol and beautiful looking etc
Yes it's an engagement but again a symbol

I'm with you on this op

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.

I understand why it would be important to you for him to have one/wear one. I also understand why he isn't really arsed about it.

Doesn't matter what anyone else on here thinks or does in their relationships, they are not you. You both need to sit down and talk and find a compromise that makes you both happy and comfortable.

The OPs DH has said it’s not a priority for him - does he not get a say?

@Parker231

'It's not a priority for him' that's her answer and there isn't it

Which is sad as obviously once apon a time he did wear it

So of course he gets a say - he's said it 😕

Take yours off. See if he gets some insight into the significance for you.

It's a weird thing to say though. How long would it take to ask the jeweller to provide a duplicate? It's a job of minutes.

I guess he just doesn’t really want to wear one for whatever reason. He’s not being unreasonable for that and you’re not being unreasonable for being sad about the loss of his wedding ring and wanting him to wear one but it would be a bit unreasonable to insist imo. It’s ultimately his choice.
FWIW I wear my wedding and engagement rings every single day and would be devastated if I lost them, they’re very meaningful to me. My husband only wears his when we go out and not even every time then, just if he remembers. I think the way you feel about wedding rings and what they mean is really personal.

Do you think it might be because a replacement isn't the one you got married with and therefore doesn't have the same emotional attachment as the lost one?

Mumsnet seems to be this weird alternate world where no one wears a wedding ring and no one is bothered. But in my life I dont know anyone who is married that doesnt wear a ring. I would not be happy if my husbnad was not wanting to replace a lost ring, but he knows its important to me (and him) so would fix it straight away.

OK reverse it

'I lost my wedding ring and I don't want to wear another but now my husband is upset with me but I don't want too'

'You must you have to do it because he wants you too it is a symbol it doesn't matter what you want'

It's controlling

I took my rings off in the early days of covid due to contact dermatitis because of all the sanitiser. Haven't put them back on, don't think my husband has even noticed! Husband wears his.

I get it OP. My DH would really want to replace his wedding ring if he lost it and I would feel a bit hurt if he didn’t see it as important.

If you trust him don't worry. Not so nice men wear wedding rings, they also take them off sadly. I wouldn't worry. My DH doesn't wear his.

Poor OP - hope you manage to get it sorted

This would upset me and my husband said same but as I say it means different things to different people

Think controlling is just beyond a joke but everyone's entitled to their opinion