Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

[Luminiiii]

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

Is money tight? - if the ring is £1000, which isn't a small amount of money, then I can see why it's not a priority. If you went online and bought a silver ring for £50 on amazon, that's an easy fix

Please highlight where OP has said she forces him to wear a ring.

She has a preference, that's not controling in itself.

I've not read all the posts but enough to be irritated by the number of pp who think just because this isn't an issue for them, because wedding rings are apparently unimportant to them, then it shouldn't be an issue for OP.
Also how wanting your DH to replace his wedding ring is " controlling" beats me.
"Controlling" and " judgemental " must be about the most over used and annoying words on MN.
OP I totally understand why you are upset by this and I agree with those on the thread who advise telling him how much replacing the ring means to you. If he still can't be bothered to replace it as a loving gesture to his DW then I would think less of him. If he has always worn a ring then continuing to wear a ring shouldn't be an issue.
Fwiw I've been widowed 19 years and I still wear my wedding ring. And I still have my late DH ' s ring. They both mean a lot to me. Even if your DH gets a replacement ring you can make it special to you both by the way you chose it and the way you place it on his finger

No we haven’t because the cost of the ring wasn’t even that high. It’s more for the sentiment. Thanks, good point 👍🏼

If I lost my ring, I would be mortified and deeply upset with myself in a way that would really stick. I wouldn't want a replacement because, as others have said, it's not never really mean what the original did. It would just remind me forever of whatever stupid mistake I had made to lose the actual one. I'd much rather just not have one. I also definitely wouldn't want to waste money "fixing" my mistake.

If your husband spent hours looking for the original and was as upset as you describe, could he feel something similar?

But as a PP said, the replacement ring wouldn’t be the same.
It would literally just be a ring.

I would say he has more of a sentimental attachment to it than you do, if you think you can just replace it.

Its like if your grandma left you her necklace in her will and someone selling it and buying you a replica.
It wouldn’t have the same sentimental value.

For him the ring is probably not representative of the relationship and it seems that for you it is.

Unless you are worried he’s losing interest in the marriage or something, then I would just see it from his POV and see that you’re perhaps being over sensitive.
If you are worried about something, then this is what you need to talk to him/us/a friend about.

I never wore my wedding ring nor did DH. wouldn't bother me at all. It's important to some but not for others. I think it's a total non issue. What are you exactly concerned about?

Why is it a ‘non issue’? It’s a non issue for you but not for all people otherwise why do wedding rings exist? Strange take to have that because it doesn’t matter to you it’s not an issue 🤔

I never said she was forcing him to wear one, but obviously she is not happy with him saying he isn't bothered.

well, it's a non issue for your DH. he clearly isn't bothered about wearing the ring. Why can't you just accept it? I find it odd. If you don't wanna canvas opinions, why post oh aibu?? 🤔

I think if i lost my wedding ring (not that i'm married) i wouldnt replace it as the replacement wouldnt be MY wedding ring.
I am like this about watches/jewellery so would be a nightmare if i was ever offered insurance replacements 😂

Maybe he feels like that about it so is in no rush to orchestrate the purchase of something that wont feel the same anyway.

I can accept it. I haven’t said otherwise? 🤔 But to describe it as a non-issue (which if it’s an issue for one person and a non-issue for another doesn’t make it a ‘non-issue’). That’s like asking an opinion on anything… if you don’t agree with it doesn’t make it a non issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband never had a wedding ring, as he dislikes jewellery, and wears only a watch. I have both an engagement and wedding ring. My Dad doesn't have a wedding ring either, he was an aircraft engineer prior to retiring, and it wasn't practical for him to be wearing one. Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings? Did he actually want a wedding ring from the start?! My wedding certificate states we're married, I don't need my husband to wear a ring to prove it to the world. You need to have a conversation with your husband if him not wearing a wedding ring is an issue for you.

Could people stop wishing the problem away by explaining, tediously, that it wouldn’t be a problem for them? You aren’t OP and your spouses, faithful or otherwise, are not OP’s spouse.

OP doesn’t have to poll everyone in the world to determine how they would feel in order to have the feelings she has. And all your assertions about how OP’s husband’s feelings in re the ring are just like your-non-ring-wearing-husbands is just some kind of weird egotistical projection. He isn’t your dh. Their relationship is not your relationship.

OP you can’t solve this problem by asking outsiders how they would feel. Its irrelevant and, as you can see, futile. Just talk to your dh and look inside yourself to see why his choice is saddening you. It has toychrd something vulnerable in you. Perhaps if you two can talk about sentiment/symbolism/rings/romance you can arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution.

You said it was controlling, and compared it to controlling how someone dresses. I'm asking how.

You’re absolutely right.
What this post has shown me is a) I perhaps am sensitive, maybe overly so about the sentiment behind it and he just isn’t. And that’s fair.
And b) mumsnet is wild! People sure can be feisty over the simplest of things! 😂

No money isn’t an issue. The original wing was a few hundred pounds so not loads. He’s just so laid back and now I don’t want to buy it for him because I don’t want to force it!

Yep strange comments

Yeah this! And I bet they never have an engagement ring either. 🙄

I would seriously question why anyone suddenly doesn't want to wear a wedding ring. If you lose it buy another FFS.

Yes it is a symbol of your commitment to your husband/wife, and if someone refuses to wear it, it's very telling IMO. OP needs to stop wearing hers too. See how he feels about that. Sounds like he might not care though sadly.

If my husband suddenly decided he wasn't wearing his wedding ring I would be quite pissed off. I would tell him I'm bothered by it, and if he didn't care (as the OP's husband doesn't seem to,) I would be questioning the marriage. He clearly gives zero shits about his wife's feelings.

It's fucking ridiculous to say someone is controlling because they want their spouse to wear a wedding ring - like have always done for many years. (Since they got married.)

Fuck me sideways. This place sometimes! Bet these same posters don't give a shit if their husband has close female friends either. The 'Cool Wives.' 😁

I LOVE wearing my wedding ring as I am proud to be married .. DH wears his for the same reason. I would know there is something wrong if he was suddenly not arsed about wearing it. I even question if the OP's husband has lost his wedding ring actually... Sounds to me like he wants people (women) to not know he's married.

I wouldn't make an issue out of it. I've been married for 14 years and neither myself or my husband wear rings.

You say you trust him but ur annoyed because he won't wear a ring. I think you have some insecurities and trust issues.

Men will stray, with or without a ring.

Yes it is a symbol of your commitment to your husband/wife, and if someone refuses to wear it, it's very telling IMO.

It doesn’t tell you anything about commitment. My father was committed to my mother for 50 years. He never wore a wedding ring. My FIL was committed to my MIL for 60 years. He never wore a wedding ring. My husband has shown all the signs of being committed to me for the last twenty years. He stopped wearing his ring a month after our wedding.

I could go on. I have countless examples of committed relationships where the man didn’t wear a wedding ring.

It is very telling if a man has always worn a wedding ring, then 'loses it,' and refuses to get another one. Clearly doesn't want other women to know he's married (IMO.)

Your dad NEVER wore one, so that's nothing to do with the OP's dilemma.

As for your husband taking his wedding ring off a month after you got married, well... Only HE knows why he did that. If you are OK with that, then you do you. I would question why he suddenly didn't want people knowing he was married.

If a man has never worn a wedding ring, fine. But to decide to wear one, and then refuse to later on, is a bit odd IMO.

It doesn’t matter what any of us think, personally I think the symbolic ring thing is outdated and see marriage as a contract to protect our financial interests etc, marriage isn’t just for the procreation of children anymore, but that’s just my small opinion.

What does matter is the opinions of OP and her husband. OP wants it to be important but he has said it’s not a priority, so that’s that, without our input op has her answer, he doesn’t care, end of I’m not sure what else op wants us or her husband to add to that!

As for your husband taking his wedding ring off a month after you got married, well...Only HE knows why he did that. If you are OK with that, then you do you. I would question why he suddenly didn't want people knowing he was married

That is where we are different. I trust my husband. I have no reason not to.

BTW It isn’t only HE that knows why he stopped wearing it. I also know why he suddenly stopped wearing it, and it was absolutely nothing to do with not wanting people to know we were married. He did ask If I minded. We were on our honeymoon at the time.

I understand the symbolism is important to you, hence you wear a ring. But that doesn't mean it has to be important to your husband and he should be free to have his own thoughts and opinions, and choose to wear a ring or not wear one.