Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

[Luminiiii]

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

My husband lost his in Lake Geneva this summer. We briefly mentioned getting a replacement. But it wouldn't be the same one I put on his finger the day we got married. Not really thought about since. I wouldn't dream of dictating he had to get a new one. On the other hand, I thought I'd lost my engagement ring at Xmas but found it two days later. Went out of my mind and would totally have replaced it. But that would've been my choice.

My dh lost his at work. He wasn't arsed. Me and dc actually went to the yard and checked in a skip... I mean who the fuck would do that? I was nuts obviously.. Took me a while to accept he had binned it.. Divorced him soon after... Any signs he has emotionally checked out?
For comparison my now dh lost his and rang me so hysterically I thought our dc had been hurt or worse... Ott a bit but he was gutted. A woman found it on the checkout at Asda and hurried to catch him up. Newly wed and it was a bit loose!!

OP

'I lost my wedding ring and I don't want to wear another but now my husband is upset with me but I don't want to'

Me

'That's weird: why don't you want to wear another?'

You

'Your husband is so controlling.'

Fascinating diversity of perspectives!

YANBU @Luminiiii I would find this annoying and odd.

Stop wearing your wedding ring. See what he thinks of that.

It’s so weird on here! People need to get a grip and stop with the “controlling” rubbish, it devalues what it actually means.

of course you’re not being unreasonable, @Luminiiii. He wore one before, and knows it’s important to you. I’d be upset too.

“Darling husband, it makes me feel sad and like my feelings aren’t important to you when you keep ignoring my request to replace your ring. Please respect me and set a date to go to town to replace it.”

It's not 'controlling' to want your husband or wife to continue to wear a wedding ring when you have both always worn one. FFS! 🙄

maybe he views it different, that it was that ring specifically that held importance, not a ring generally.

He’s not bothered, and given it’s his finger you’ll have to let it go. Once it’s not the one you exchanged on your wedding day I can see his point to be honest. If you’re not a jewellery wearer I can see how it would feel like a chore and an unnecessary expense to shop for another.

I wondered this as well. I've worn a wedding ring every day since I got married over 20 years ago, but if I lost it I wouldn't want a replacement. It's the actual ring that's important, not any old random ring.

You could always have had a little private ceremony just the two of you of you putting the ring on his finger and maybe renewing some vows. That way the replacement ring would have some significance.

Why not have that conversation? Actually ask “what’s going on?” Here’s my feeling about the ring can you explain yours?

My dh and I both wear our rings and have for 30 years. Our hands have changed and arthritis is setting in. If he said “it hurts now” i wouldn’t be bothered if he didn’t want a new one. But that is because he had a good reason for changing a long standing family custom. He would be able to talk to me about it.

I don't think you should pressure him / force him obviously.

You can definitely make it clear to him that it's important to you, but you can't make him take what matters to you as his top priority if he's not too fussed. Surely his opinion of not being too bothered replacing it also matters?

I know right 🤣some of these comments are ridiculous

I don’t wear mine anymore, can’t really remember why I stopped. I think DH wears his but honestly I would have to look at his hand when he got home because I can’t say I would notice if he didn’t.

If it’s not a priority to him then leave it alone IMO.

She's allowed to have feelings about it. Full stops cost nothing.

He says its not a priority, doesn't say he doesn't want one - I would take him out of the equation and get him one for his Christmas present

I had my husbands ring re-sized after he died, and wore it for a while. I then lost it paddleboarding, which less than a year in to widowhood was tough. I thought about replacing it, but thought, why. It’s not the ring we exchanged when we got married. So what actually would it mean. So I didn’t. Now the OPs husbands position is different in that he and his wife are both alive! But the symbolism of the ring that was exchanged with the vows is probably intrinsically linked to that ring - a replacement will never be the same.

If it's really important to you, tell him. I've not worn one since my first pregnancy 16 years ago as my hands were swollen. I'm not sure if DH is still wearing his, I've not noticed. So for some people it's really not a big deal at all. But if it matters to you, tell him. Or just go and buy one.

I usually wore my wedding ring but about 9 years ago it was stolen when we were burgled. My fingers had swollen up and I didn't want to have it cut off at the time so took it off before it became stuck. I have never replaced my ring because it wouldn't feel like it was my wedding ring, it would just be a ring. DH is happy with my choice.

But you can’t actually replace the wedding ring, can you?

It’s very sad that it was lost but ‘a’ ring isn't ‘the’ ring.

Maybe he doesn’t like ring wearing enough to wear ‘a’ ring.

I would feel the same.
Buy one as a Christmas gift!

Buy him the ring yourself. That would be a more romantic gesture than expecting him to deal with it.

I cut mine off some 30 years ago because it was too tight. Never bothered to replace it. Still married (& faithful) to DW.

I've lost my wedding ring. I am sad about it, but I don't want another one, I want the one that we exchanged on our wedding day, a replica won't have the same meaning for me