Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

[Luminiiii]

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

You don't own his body you know. Let him be.

This is no different than saying 'everything is okay because he doesn't hit me'

Also note you said 'controlling what you can and cannot wear'.

I would think this is it. It's not the ring you used during your wows. So, the symbolism isn't really there. But if it really bothers you, and you can afford to replace it, tell him that it bothers you because of a, b, and c.

A lot of cheating men wear rings, though, and a lot of cheating women do to and don't care about the ring on his finger.

Maybe he feels that as the actual ring has gone, a replacement is pointless as it doesn't mark the event that it was bought for

This is no different than saying 'everything is okay because he doesn't hit me'

no it isn't.

Also note you said 'controlling what you can and cannot wear'.

Also note the OP said 'asked' not 'told' and she hasn't threatened him if he doesn't comply and he has made his decision and doesn't appear to be in fear of repercussions if he doesn't get a ring. if you control someone you have power over them, she doesn't have any power over him, he's refusing to get the ring, she just wishes he wasn't.

Maybe he feels that any replacement would be meaningless as it wasn’t the ring he was married with? Thats my guess in this scenario.

I personally don’t wear mine. I wore it on wedding day, honeymoon and then took it off as it was a faff with work and would have involved taking off at times, and in all honesty I just would have lost it. Decades on, wish I didn’t get it in first place as just waste of money as was not a cheap one. Didn’t bother with an engagement ring for that reason so no idea why I got the wedding ring. Will offer it to kids if/when/as they get married but certainly won’t blink if they don’t want it. DH has worn his every day since wedding as he’s never had cause to take it off I guess. If he lost it, I’d be perplexed if he wanted another as it would not be the one he got married in and wore, but I’d obviously support whatever he wanted.

No, it's not. There were some examples of actual controlling behaviour, not a comprehensive list in toto. That's not minimising those not on the list.

Asking someone to do some shopping isn't controlling. It's a fair point that we shouldn't be calling every minor thing controlling.

Nope I don’t think he loves me less at all for not wearing the ring.

Absolutely!! Thank you for such a sensible reply. I’m so sorry you went through this and hope you are out of it now x

Don’t I?! Oh I thought I did! Thanks for the reminder 🫡

Dedication? I measure dedication by acts of love and support. Not by a lump of metal.

My DH can’t wear his ring anymore. The cancer has shrunk him so much that it falls off. I don’t consider him any less dedicated to me.

Why not just order a replacement for him??
My wedding ring doesn't fit me (!and it was mega cheap so can't be resized) I told my dh 2 years ago I'd like a proper wedding band but he still hasn't got me one so I'm going to buy my own ay some point. Doesn't stop me being married!

What if a replacement means so little to him because it wouldn't be the one you placed on his finger on your wedding day?

My brother, who I thought wasn't religious, had a dump truck tip over on a work site which landed on his hand. If he had not been wearing his wedding ring, his fingers would have been history. The ring got a bit squished but it saved the hand. He had it reshaped because he believed a replacement would not be blessed like the original was. Just one example of the difference in thought regarding ones wedding ring.

Me and my DH have never worn them except when going out for the evening. Different strokes for different folks.

Are you sure he lost it by accident. It would be the perfect excuse to get rid of a ring if you find them uncomfortable.

Are you actually suggesting what she has said she went through is the same as being upset that my husband won’t replace a wedding ring that he used to happily wear? Controlling what he can and cannot wear is OBVIOUSLY very different to wanting my husband to continue to wear a wedding band and in no way have I ever insisted or forced him to. Jeez this place is wild!

Thank you! Some sense! 👏🏻

My feeling is that it isn't a case of who is in the right here. Neither of you are in the wrong, and it isn't a situation where there is a compromise. You would prefer that he wore one, he isn't bothered and doesn't want to spend the time etc. making that happen. Both positions are perfectly reasonable.

FWIW DH lost his wedding ring on our honeymoon! And I stopped wearing mine years ago when I kept getting contact dermatitis. It bears no relation to our marriage or how successful it is or isn't, and nobody we meet appears to be confused about whether we are married or or not.

A wedding ring is only a symbol of the marriage, there are others, but it is still only a symbol. It is really up to you how much importance you place on the symbol, rather than the actual marriage, which I am assuming is otherwise good and healthy. Sometimes with this kind of no actual right/wrong kind of thing, when you don't have any actual power to change a thing, it is easier to accept it and learn to care a bit less about it.

Wow. Yes a lot of mending to his ring then!
And yes we were all together swimming when it came off and he was devastated.

Meaning not mending 😂 although there was a fair bit of that too!

I would as it’s not the cost but I don’t want to order him one if he doesn’t want to wear one anymore. Don’t want to force him into it, just disappointed that he doesn’t have the same attachment to it as I do.

Yes you’re right on all accounts. Plus I get contact dermatitis in the winter too but have always struggled with it as never wanted to take the rings off… but think I will now! 😂

It may be important to you but it's not something all men want to wear, in fact it wasn't even a thing until a couple of generations ago (I presume jewellers thought they could get more cash out of us). Unless there's a back story perhaps he just isn't keen of the feel of it on his finger and can't justify the money. My dh doesn't have one out of choice, doesn't wear any jewellery

The obvious solution op is to explain that it would mean a lot to you if he would replace it, and would he mind if you got him a replacement.
But if he just doesn't want to wear one any more than you have to accept that with good grace.
My DH still wears his. I don't wear mine because it got on my nerves (still got it though, it's a lovely ring).
I don't think you can insist on someone wearing something on THEIR body because it means a lot to YOU.
I know you don't think it's controlling, but if anyone started to pull the emotional " please wear this thing that you don't want to it would mean soooo much to me" I'd be getting the ick. Sorry.

Okay (edited to add, I'm not being sarcastic here at all)

Well, look, I'm really sorry that your husband has cancer - I hope he survives it and has a fantastic and healthy future.

There are many symbols the world - some don't mean much to some but they hold incredible meaning for others

For me, the act of saying the vows and giving someone the ring as a symbol of the vows means a lot to me. And I would want my husband to feel the same and to wear his ring with pride

I'm intrigued by the people who wouldn't want any ring but the actual one used in the ceremony. I had one of very common design, and if I had to replace it I would have felt the replacement just as good a signifier of the ceremony (ring continuity!). (If you're puzzled by the tense, I had it cut off when I divorced.)

My husband and I wear our wedding rings and would replace them if they were lost. We aren't sentimental in many ways but our wedding rings are and have a symbolic/sentimental value to us.

Have you claimed on insurance?