Husband won’t replace his wedding ring

[Luminiiii]

Am I being unreasonable??

My husbands wedding ring came off his finger in the summer on holiday in the sea. We spent hours looking for it but it had gone.
I’ve asked numerous time for us to go together to replace it, make a day of it, or even buy it online. But he just keeps saying it’s not his priority and he’s too busy.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

Is he in the right or me??

It wouldn’t bother me. My husband and I don’t bother wearing ours anymore.

I trust him completely and it’s not a case of worrying about him looking single on a night out. But it’s what it represents and the symbol of it that’s important to me.

So what IS the symbolism, what does it represent for you?

What is it about him (not) wearing a wedding ring that matters?

What if he got a new one (or you chose it together), but he wore it on a chain inside his clothes, or carried it in his pocket - would that satisfy the same symbolic meaning for you? Or is there something about it being visible to the world?

Have you asked what it represents for DH? It may be very different!

This doesn't go anywhere unless you can figure out why it bothers you. You cannot insist that your spouse wears something they don't want to.

I don't wear my rings, but if it's important to you, can't you just buy him a ring? You can order ring sizers online to get his size and then pick him one. I assume if he previously wore his for years, he wouldn't object to wearing it again?

YOU think it’s symbolically important. He doesn’t. You can’t impose your priorities on someone else by trying to enforce a jewellery dress code! He presumably wore the ring for years, but now that it’s been lost, he doesn’t see the point of replacing the actual ring he got married with with a copy that doesn’t, at least for him, have any symbolic value, and is puzzled, and possibly irritated by your fixation on it.

In his shoes, I’d certainly find it irritating. I’ve been married for forever, and have never had a wedding ring, and have nonetheless managed not to fall onto anyone’s genitals because they think I’m single…

Neither of you are wrong.
You feel differently.
The ring is important to you, it's not important to him.
Or maybe he simply doesn't like wearing it and he wouldn't be wrong for that either. Not everyone likes wearing jewellery. I've been married nearly 30 years and never wear my rings because I hate how rings feel.

Rather than seeing it as who's right and who's wrong, maybe sit down and discuss how you both feel, any significance attached to the ring etc and see if you can come together on this.

Aww op, I'd be really upset aswell

It's a symbol of his dedication to you and it would piss me off that he's not arsed.

It sounds like things are ok with you both, he's just lazy. Tell him just how important it is to you and he needs to get it sorted!

If you know what size he needs get him one online and as Xmas is coming up just put it in his stocking.

Why does anyone need a symbol ?- we’ve never had rings, doesn’t mean we’re any less married or love each other.

It sounds like its what you want not him he can have a choice its not a big deal.

I wear a wedding ring and I would be very upset if I lost it. I wouldn't replace it though as a replacement wouldn't be my wedding ring, just an imitation of it. The rings we exchanged on our wedding day are special, a replacement means nothing.

Could he be worried about the expense but not wanting to say that?

Rings definitely have different levels of significance for different people - my husband’s (very, very cheap one) means the world to him, and he gets really twitchy if he’s taken it off and can’t find it. He would no more leave the house without it than he would walk outside naked. I find this sweet, but also a bit odd because I couldn’t care less one way or the other 🤣.

Our rings in general mean a lot to him, I think he’s just more sentimental than me. He’s constantly trying to buy me another ring or upgrade my existing ring and it seems to be really important to him, whereas I see it as a waste of money…

It wouldn't bother me. I took mine off in 2015 when I was pregnant and never put it back on. My DH likes wearing his, so he does. I wouldn't force him to if he wasn't bothered.

I like jewellery and enjoy wearing when I choose to but find the weird fascination we have with wedding rings in our culture... well, weird.

I wouldn't want to replace my wedding ring if I lost it, as a replacement wouldn't be my wedding ring, it would just be a ring that happened to be on my wedding finger.

I wouldn't be bothered if my husband didn't want to replace his ring either. I would be sad he'd lost it in the first place though.

Obviously you have every right to be upset, but your husband has every right to decide not replace it, for whatever reason he wants. If you've explained how the lack of ring makes you feel and he is still against replacing it you are just going to have to accept his decision and let it go.

Each to their own I guess but for me, I'd want my husband to be proud of me and our marriage - and part of that is wearing a ring to show the world that he's married

I haven't worn my wedding ring for years because it got uncomfortable. I noticed DH hasn't worn his for a long time either. Do people seriously think it makes any difference whether you're wearing one or not? Even if someone's not wearing a ring it doesn't mean they're not in a long-term partnership.

He would be wearing a ring because you insist upon it rather than because he's proud to be married to you,

I know DH is proud of me (and me of him) as he tells me daily but never needed for the general public to know we’re married by the wearing of wedding rings. Why do you want the world know your DH is married?

Was it this summer holidays?

If so, then it’s literally only been a few weeks and it’s obviously not the biggest priority and so it’ll probably be just done after Xmas.

I wouldn’t even think about getting a replacement until after Xmas.
It wouldn’t mean that I don’t love you, it’s just not a priority in life.

That’s pathetically insecure.

A wedding ring is an unobtrusive, fairly standard piece of jewellery that isn’t specific to you, and says nothing about your spouse’s feelings for you or the strength of your marriage.

Someone I know wore his wedding ring throughout his affair, and after his wife initiated divorce proceedings and moved out, he wore it for a couple of years, and then kept it ceremonially on his bedside table.

I’ve been on dates with men who’ve forgotten to take off their wedding ring.

I know men who wear one and still cheat, whilst wearing it.

Wearing a ring doesn’t mean anything to the rest of the world
(in fact it apparently makes them more attractive to other women but I don’t know if that’s based on fact).

It's a source of pride for me. I'm obviously not saying your husband doesn't love you etc but for me I'd want him to be wearing this ring and using it to show everyone that he's proud to be married to me

It's one of those things that is important to me

I think its a bit controlling. I would be very upset if my dh insisted that I wore my ring if I didn't want to.

Presumably him not being bothered about the ring it's making you feel like he's not bothered about what it signifies i.e the marriage. This is very probably not the case but you need to tell him it feels like that.

The striking thing in many of these lovely stories is that people can imbue choosing to wear their own ring with meaning while accepting that their partner feels entirely differently.

Just don't imbue your partner wearing a ring with meaning, as you have no control over that, and what it means will be personal to them anyway!

I bet the "well I've never worn a ring so you shouldn't care" people are the same ones who boast about how they got married round the back of Tesco by the bins, wearing an old sack when an OP asks about table arrangements.