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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH family ruined my wedding

153 replies

Twinky1985 · 13/11/2024 09:37

My dh is close with his family, which is great but his two db's and mum ( my mil) always take over everything and have to be centre of attention and it pisses me off!
Even on our wedding day!

Examples include, on the morning of our wedding my mil had approached my dad and asked if he thought me and dh should be getting married (my dad told me later)

My dh had both brothers as his best men so they did the speech together, which was basically 10 mins of talking about my dh ex wife (she passed away) and very little about me and dh.

During my dh speech he presented my mum with a bouquet of flowers as she had contributed financially to our wedding, also my auntie as she had made the cake free of charge...and his mum, even though she did nothing, and she stands up and starts stating how she was glad to help!

During mine and dh first dance the two db's thought it was hilarious to burst onto the dance floor with us and start taking the piss out of us by swinging each other round and groping each other (which we weren't it was a lovely slow dance, which we were just dancing to) because of this all the videos were of these two clowns instead and me and my new husband.

AIBU to be pissed off by this?

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 13/11/2024 09:41

Yup. Yanbu. They sound like selfish twits and clearly you are not a beloved family member. Don't lower yourself to their level. Avoid as much as possible. They are letting themselves down.

Theunamedcat · 13/11/2024 09:43

I mean the ex wife dominating the speech? As a guest I would feel uncomfortable
the "should they be getting married" was inappropriate especially to your dad wtf was he supposed to say? Your adults right?
Saying she was glad to help sounds like sarcasm did you ask her to help?
I couldn't be too fussed about guests horseplay they made fools of themselves not you so 🤷‍♀️

It's not the best start but I've heard about a wedding where the bride chased the groom with a cake knife and they both got arrested (not my family member btw but a family I ALMOST married into)

fruitbrewhaha · 13/11/2024 09:46

I’d distance myself from the lot of them.

Wayk · 13/11/2024 09:47

They are a discrace of the highest order. I would not mind they mentioning the ex wife briefly if there was children involved for their sake but to not mention you is unforgivable. Your husband obviously had to give his mother flowers as it would look awful to cut her out regardless if she helped or not.I would go low contact.

DinosaurMunch · 13/11/2024 09:49

They sound awful are you sure you want to be part of this family? Hopefully they live far away. Especially if you have kids

MsPavlichenko · 13/11/2024 09:52

Was she his ex wife who died? Or was he widowed, as that makes quite a difference here.

watchuswreckthemic · 13/11/2024 09:52

How long ago did you get married?

maydaymayday1 · 13/11/2024 09:55

MsPavlichenko · 13/11/2024 09:52

Was she his ex wife who died? Or was he widowed, as that makes quite a difference here.

Yes I thought this. Surely you would say late wife if she had died while they where together

WildGuide · 13/11/2024 10:13

MsPavlichenko · 13/11/2024 09:52

Was she his ex wife who died? Or was he widowed, as that makes quite a difference here.

Does it really make a difference here? I understand the distinction, but whether she died while they were together or not, OP’s and her husband’s wedding wasn’t the time for a ten minute speech about her.

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

Justleaveitblankthen · 13/11/2024 10:26

The two adult brothers twirling themselves around at your first dance??
WTAF.
That's absolutely pathetic. Were they brought up in a barn?!
Wouldn't get over that.

Pair of twats. 😡

pikkumyy77 · 13/11/2024 10:29

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

Eye rolling emoji inserted here.

LIZS · 13/11/2024 10:31

How long ago was this? It sounds annoying rather than deliberately undermining. Do they normally behave like this together?

ChocolateCroissantCafe · 13/11/2024 10:33

But the in-laws haven't just joined in to celebrate the couple's occasion together, by the sounds of it the husband's family have gone out of their way to make themselves the main characters at every turn. That's very different.

Pottedpalm · 13/11/2024 10:36

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

I agree.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 13/11/2024 10:37

As a widow, I find the mention of your husband's dead wife at his wedding to his new wife horrible. Everyone knows the score, moving forwards doesn't erase his past or undermine the relationship he had with her. Were they close to his wife and is there resentment or judgement that he's getting on with life, do you think, OP? I wonder if a lot of this behaviour stems from this.

BarbaraHoward · 13/11/2024 10:46

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

Yes I think this could well be a case of "your version, my version and the truth".

Assuming he was widowed it was absolutely appropriate to mention his late wife. Likewise, it would have been extremely rude not to give his mum flowers.

I wouldn't love the first dance thing, but I don't think it's wedding-ruining. And indeed, I didn't exactly love the first dance with everyone watching so may have been glad of the distraction.

The only thing that stands out is his mum's comment to your dad, which is a biggie in fairness.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 13/11/2024 10:46

None of this sounds like enough to ruin a wedding tbh. I'd roll my eyes and move on.

RampantIvy · 13/11/2024 10:51

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

The MIL has joined mumsnet.

Hoppinggreen · 13/11/2024 10:51

it was the wedding of both of you, not just you.
A brief mention of the first wife might have been ok, giving flowers to his mum as well is fine BUT the 2 brothers on the dancefloor was a bit shit.
It sounds like your (plural) wedding wasn't the perfect one you hoped for but it doesn't sound like it was actually ruined

Original poster
Twinky1985 · 13/11/2024 10:52

Maddy70 · 13/11/2024 10:17

Im offering a different view. Your comment is all about you. Ruined my wedding. Etc.

It was yours and your husbands and its the merging of 2 families

So they made reference to his dead wife who was a part of their family before you came along.. that's appropriate. Its gspuldnt all ne about you the speech is about shared experiences with the groom

He thanked his mum... he should! She may not have organised the wedding (perhaps you didn't involve her?) But shes been helping your hisband all his life not

His nrothers joined you after youd started dancing. The bride and groom start the dancing and then others join. They were having fun. Surely you want them to have fun?

Or wasnt that instagramable enough for you?

Not at all, the only time I said 'my' was in the title, every other reference said 'our'

I have no problem with them mentioning his late wife but for it to dominate the speech where, as you said, it should of been about experiences with my husband predominantly.

Again no problem with including his mum with getting her flowers but for her to stand up and say she was glad to help when she didn't, even though she was asked such as dress shopping, helping to decorate the room, she was always busy.

Taking the piss out of the bride and groom to the point where the video was focused on the brothers is a bit much as we now don't have a nice memory of our first dance.

Lastly I didn't post anything on 'the gram' or Facebook as the pictures and videos were just for my husband and I to enjoy!

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 13/11/2024 10:53

Oopsie! OP has used the “I” word. On mumsnet that is like a red flag to a bull. So haughty! So self centered! Stone her.

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/11/2024 10:55

They all sound half-witted, tbh. I hope your husband got the brains in the family.

Playingintheshadow · 13/11/2024 10:57

I think you are overreacting and there is a world of pain ahead of you if you continue to let this get to you.

Spirallingdownwards · 13/11/2024 10:59

If they mentioned his former wife in passing in a way that she would be happy that he had found happiness again that would be OK.

Please don't say ex wife unless they were actually divorced when she passed away.

The dance thing was out of order. Did DH not tell them to stop or did you tell DH you wanted him to? Of Did he find it equally as hilarious? If you didn't communicate to him how you felt might he simply not have realised if he thought it was funny too?