DH family ruined my wedding

[Twinky1985]

My dh is close with his family, which is great but his two db's and mum ( my mil) always take over everything and have to be centre of attention and it pisses me off!
Even on our wedding day!

Examples include, on the morning of our wedding my mil had approached my dad and asked if he thought me and dh should be getting married (my dad told me later)

My dh had both brothers as his best men so they did the speech together, which was basically 10 mins of talking about my dh ex wife (she passed away) and very little about me and dh.

During my dh speech he presented my mum with a bouquet of flowers as she had contributed financially to our wedding, also my auntie as she had made the cake free of charge...and his mum, even though she did nothing, and she stands up and starts stating how she was glad to help!

During mine and dh first dance the two db's thought it was hilarious to burst onto the dance floor with us and start taking the piss out of us by swinging each other round and groping each other (which we weren't it was a lovely slow dance, which we were just dancing to) because of this all the videos were of these two clowns instead and me and my new husband.

AIBU to be pissed off by this?

I once made the mistake of posting about something that really upset me on my wedding day and a minority of mumsnetters also accused me of only caring about Instagram and being selfish. Some just want to blame the OP. Of course you’re not being unreasonable. They sound awful and I’m sorry they ruined your day. Your husband needs to have a word and set some boundaries with them.

I've been to loads of weddings were the DJ/band invites the best man and best maid then the parents to the dance floor.

Are you for real?
A best man speech is still supposed to be based on the fact that it's a wedding.
Blathering on about the first wife is crass and frankly a little unhinged

There is indeed a world of pain if she doesn't distance herself from this domineering and crass family

Missed the point of the post spectacularly there didn't you

What a spiteful retelling of the OP’s tale. Posts like this always seem to be an offloading of an unhappy poster, looking to feel better by being unpleasant to the OP who’s put their head above the parapet.

His previous wife isn’t an ex, she passed away so she’s his late wife

So sad they make you feel like an outsider. In true Mumsnet style, what does your husband think. Didn't he think mentioning his first wife was a bit odd?

@Maddy70
Is that you, OP's MIL?

Totally agree with this, and @Maddy70 's original post on P1.

Quite frankly, if what you have written in your op "ruined your wedding", I think you have bigger issues.

What your MiL said to your Dad if that were reported accurately, is a different matter. But I suspect if that was said as you have portrayed it, you would have been aware of it all long before your wedding day.

You're right.

That is a different view.

The point is since there exist weddings where the DJ does not instruct every person to do this and that, their experience at weddings could be not to wait for invites. We do not know all the weddings the brothers went to.

The family attended. None of these people refused to accept her and boycott. Ruined means it did not happen, you regret doing it. People are responsible for making their own time at events. If you want to have a good time it’s on yourself. Sounds the brothers had a blast.

@RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames , he's been using the wrong term, and the one he is using shows disrespect or ignorance, which are red flags.

@WhatYouPutOutComesBack

It's the DH's adult brothers, not his sons, so they didn't lose a mother, they lost a sister in law. They acted like inconsiderate oafs.

The brother in laws sound like total inconsiderate dicks. Regardless of their relationship with the late former wife (if I’m allowed to phrase it that way!!), they ought to have put whatever feelings they had about her aside and focused on the fact that a new union, between OP and her husband, was being formed.
I don’t see an issue with this lady being mentioned, but agree with OP, inappropriate to make the majority of the speech about her and I’d have been pissed off with that, too.
As I and my immediate family were, when a relative made a speech that was more about them than the actual deceased, at a family funeral a few years ago. It isn’t on.

The ex wife shouldn't have been mentioned in the speech other than very very briefly if at all.
Crashing your first dance is twatlike and I bet others thought that too.
I wonder why the mother asked your dad if he thought you should be getting married.

YANBU.

It's happened. Nothing you can do now. A lot worse has happened at weddings!

How does your husband feel about his family's behaviour?

Sorry, totally NO need to mention ex wife, are you insane?

Says you! How was yours? Would you not be pissed off?

God it's YOUR day. Be as selfish as you want. Everyone else needs to get that and back the fuck off

Seriously? What kind of weddings have you been to? It's ALWAYS the newly married couple who are invoted to dance the first dance. It's their day ffs

Yanbu, they all sound like arseholes. Your DH was probably a bit unreasonable not to mention his mother in his speech- she may not have helped or contributed directly to the wedding itself but surely she has supported him in other ways? Regardless, I would be pulling folk up over the speech, the comments to your father and the ridiculous dancing. Or at least, your OH should be pulling them up!