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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New nursery, unexpectedly high fees and an unreasonable manager

235 replies

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 22:58

I moved my DC to a new nursery after management changed at the previous one and I felt DC wasn’t being adequately challenged. I chose the new nursery because the owner’s child was friends with mine, and I wanted to try their new Montessori program as I’d heard good things about it. DC began in September, and after settling in days and a discussion about fees and policies, I paid a deposit to secure the spot.

Although I’d previously informed the manager DC was eligible for 15 funded hours she only explained that due to the Montessori curriculum they require kids attend a minimum of 20 hours. I was happy to do this as I’d always wanted DC to do more than 15 but the old nursery didn’t allow this for term time only students. We agreed that DC would attend 4 half days a week 8am - 1pm. The manager recommend the morning slot citing a more structured curriculum in the morning and I accepted what I thought was her professional opinion.

After the third settling-in day, the manager informed me I’d be receiving an invoice. Later that day I received an invoice for September fees, due that same day. Surprised, as I hadn’t expected a payment so soon, I planned to clarify this with her the following week. When she later confirmed it was correct, I explained I wasn’t prepared for this payment. She accepted a partial payment, with the balance paid the following week.

Shortly after, my schedule changed, so I asked if DC could switch from the 8am - 1pm slot to the 1 pm - 6 pm slot. The manager told me they only offered 8 am - 1 pm or 8 am - 6 pm slots, which was confusing since I recalled her mentioning both. Still, I agreed to three full days instead of 4 half days to keep my course schedule since my sister agreed to assist with payment and I’d get reimbursement from UC.

One week later, and one week to the due date I received an invoice for three full days, with payment due by Oct 1. Unable to pay in full right away, I made a partial payment and arranged a meeting at the Job Centre for assistance. By Oct 1, the manager emailed me at 4 am about the balance. I explained that I was actively working on it, yet she continued to pressure me for payment, even calling during nursery hours without updating me on DC’s well-being.

After my meeting at the Job Centre she coincidentally called me I explained I’d just left but was busy and would need to get back in contact with her. She ignored what I said and proceeded to threaten to suspend my child although she’d received partial payment for the month and is in receipt of 15 funded hours from the government. Due to this call I performed terribly in my telephone interview.

When I finally arranged the grant, I needed the nursery manager’s signature. She asked unnecessary questions, took a copy of my form without consent, and kept demanding confirmation of payment, despite clear evidence it would go directly to her account. I expressed my dissatisfaction but had to rush back to the Job Centre to ensure the payment would be processed that day to avoid losing DC’s space.

Afterward, I requested a meeting to provide feedback. The manager was defensive, reluctantly admitted to miscommunications but wouldn’t offer any flexibility for future payments, despite the unexpected costs I’d incurred. Additionally, she hadn’t given me a copy of the contract initially, which stated both session options, including 1 pm - 6 pm was on offer. The payment due date was also buried in a long paragraph, which I missed. Please note she didn’t state the afternoon slot was unavailable because the nursery was full either she just changed the policy without communicating it to parents.

Following this experience, I left a review detailing my concerns. Since then, the manager has been passive-aggressive toward both me and my sister, who occasionally picks up DC. My child has also complained about the manager’s child pushing and hitting them, which concerns me as I worry the child isn’t disciplined due to the staff’s connection to the manager.

OP posts:
NewFriendlyLadybird · 13/11/2024 09:29

Singlemommy2024 · 12/11/2024 23:27

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

Of course it is. That’s for school: nurseries teach pre-reading and writing skills.

And a Montessori nursery is child-led by philosophy so you won’t get that there anyway.

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sorry, what exactly is your need for pulling me up on this? Other than to make a nasty assumption about me?

pumpkinpillow · 13/11/2024 09:32

encourage educational play

All play is educational.

fruitbrewhaha · 13/11/2024 09:33

Three full days will cost more than 5 half days.

Why didn’t you work out the fees before you agreed. That is the only problem I can see here.

I can appreciate why the nursery couldn’t supply afternoon only. Places get taken. They haven’t got space for afternoon only at the moment.

It sounds like you’ve expected to be able to pick and choose and swap around the days or sessions, you want be able to do this when ever you fancy or need. They have limited places and staffing rota’s to consider.

They will invoice in advance and you need to pay on time.

You are being unreasonable.

YeahWellWhyNot · 13/11/2024 09:33

I read that as you'd signed up your child and then not paid. More than once. YABU

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:36

The only thing the OP has done wrong according to many posters is the heinous crime of being too poor to pay bills before they’re due. 🙄
**
“…focus on your child and in living within your means.”

A particularly nasty comment and clearly from someone who has never struggled financially. 😡

Scentedjasmin · 13/11/2024 09:36

"Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?"

They don't teach these with good reason at pre-school! learning through play and social skills are far more important. In fact Montessori education is far more play centered and unstructured than state provision. At preschool they learn to start to write their own names, they might do counting and alphabet songs and they do pencil control through art. Trying to push kids ahead and get them to skip this stage really doesn't offer any benefits.

Gowlett · 13/11/2024 09:38

You can’t afford this place.
Somewhere else would be less stressful, I think.

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:41

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 09:29

Sorry, what exactly is your need for pulling me up on this? Other than to make a nasty assumption about me?

Edited

You were the nasty one trying to shame the OP for not knowing that the fees for the new nursery were expected in advance despite acknowledging that the nursery she’d used previously didn’t require payment in advance.

But as usual, Mumsnet moderators delete posts as a knee jerk reaction and don’t bother reading threads properly. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 09:45

weareallcats · 12/11/2024 23:42

Phonics isn’t for nursery. My dc went to Montessori and thrived, but didn’t start phonics till reception. Read up about the system in Finland where learning is play based till age 7, with better outcomes.

Happier children as well. That's why I decided not to push my son too much. They try to enforce homework on children from the age of 5 it's ridiculous no wonder kids are unhappy and lose interest in education.

Lemonyyy · 13/11/2024 09:53

Of course you have to pay fees for the first month in advance. That's pretty standard. I'm surprised you didn't have to pay a deposit to hold the place as well tbh. If you signed up to a nursery without knowing how much it would cost you each month that's on you!

MrsKwazi · 13/11/2024 09:57

If you know anything about montessori, it is that play is the ‘work’ and it is referred to as such. A montesorri nursery will not do bums on seats kind of phonics and writing, it is play based (it is kind of the selling point of it!!)

You signed up for something you can’t afford, let’s be honest.

The review you left… was that really as innocent as you make out??

She is allowed to change her sessions based on uptake and staffing.

You sound like incredibly hard work and you need to get a grip your child’s school career will make your head explode.

pimplebum · 13/11/2024 10:01

Child is 3 going on 4 and they’re not even teaching phonics and writing skills. No feedback on daily activities to promote development and nothing in the plan to prepare them for school. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable to ask, do you?

yes you are unreasonable school is for phonics and writing but all nurseries do stuff will pens and reading stories

school prep is bum wiping, taking turns and saying please and thank you

you starting not knowing the price you have

as for child pushing it is beyond bonkers to even think think that one child pushing another has anything to do with the grown up situation
would you allow your child to hurt another and say nothing because you were in dispute with the mum ???

Trobealone · 13/11/2024 10:02

I disagree. I’ve worked in nurseries a long time - and 10/20 years ago : things were more structured and phonics were taught in a fun way. There were far less behavioural issues.
This drive to be like Finland (but not quite doing it right) leads to a lot of behavioural issues, and children not actually learning how to build with bricks or thread or use toys for the purpose they were intended. If a jigsaw is put out, 9 times out of 10 the pieces are distributed round the room and lost. Books are ripped, toys are broken etc.
Majority of the time is spent on dealing with behaviour.

billin · 13/11/2024 10:08

MrsKwazi · 13/11/2024 09:57

If you know anything about montessori, it is that play is the ‘work’ and it is referred to as such. A montesorri nursery will not do bums on seats kind of phonics and writing, it is play based (it is kind of the selling point of it!!)

You signed up for something you can’t afford, let’s be honest.

The review you left… was that really as innocent as you make out??

She is allowed to change her sessions based on uptake and staffing.

You sound like incredibly hard work and you need to get a grip your child’s school career will make your head explode.

Totally agree with this as a teacher whose worked in both state and a private Montessori school.
DS was shown some basic phonics and writing through play based activities in his last year of nursery and he is GAT (he can read fluently having just started reception this year). DH and I (he's also a teacher) didn't really care about the nursery doing any of this and just wanted him to play and explore/make friends/be happy. Certainly didn't give a shit about him being challenged- the school have soon picked this up without us going in gung ho.

NewDogOwner · 13/11/2024 10:11

You don't seem to understand how nurseries or Montessori settings work. This is on you.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:21

Singlemommy2024 · 13/11/2024 00:17

They haven’t been rated yet as it’s a fairly new setting.

I do think the admin is making it up as she goes along as there isn’t a real admin team. The manager does it all and might be overwhelmed. I completely understand how difficult that could be for her but I’m still so frustrated that due to all the miscommunication I’ve found myself in this position and there’s no understanding on her end even after she admitted this.

You took a risk and it didn't pay off. I would start looking else where. Her business is just starting out and she is struggling she will turn you into a nervous wreck if you let her. A lot of these nurseries who are not organised don't last long. There was a Montessori nursery in my area it only lasted 3 years. You've already given your review which will kill her business. Did she respond?

With places like this you have to look at it as 1 a business and then 2 a Montessori nursery. How she decides to bill you is up to her and how she wants to run her business. I do agree that the inconsistencies in the fees are not helpful to you and she is not giving you the fee structure in order to plan. If it was me I would move him I am not that tolerant.

sillygoof · 13/11/2024 10:27

How much are you claiming back from Universal Credit for this expensive nursery?

Charlottef94 · 13/11/2024 10:29

Just wondering why you need a nursery place 4 days a week taxpayer funded when you dont appear to have a job?

Working parents gave to pay thousands and go through huge difficulties in getting a place with years long waiting lists, id be grateful if i were you.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:32

Just beware also that the nursery fees you are claiming are reasonable compared to your wages otherwise they will refuse to pay.

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:33

Charlottef94 · 13/11/2024 10:29

Just wondering why you need a nursery place 4 days a week taxpayer funded when you dont appear to have a job?

Working parents gave to pay thousands and go through huge difficulties in getting a place with years long waiting lists, id be grateful if i were you.

If she doesn't have a job UC won't pay towards the fees.

FanofLeaves · 13/11/2024 10:35

Kool4katz · 13/11/2024 09:41

You were the nasty one trying to shame the OP for not knowing that the fees for the new nursery were expected in advance despite acknowledging that the nursery she’d used previously didn’t require payment in advance.

But as usual, Mumsnet moderators delete posts as a knee jerk reaction and don’t bother reading threads properly. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But as the vast majority have pointed out, it’s absolutely standard and expected to pay these fees upfront. I have no idea what her old nursery did but it was clearly the exception and not the norm. It’s madness to expect to have a whole month of nursery before any money has exchanged hands.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:40

Paganpentacle · 13/11/2024 09:27

Thats kind of your job as a parent....

A lot of parents work especially mums and have to leave their children with childminders or nurseries. Some has to teach them if the parents don't have the time to. All they can do is encourage and mimic what they learn in nursery to support what they have done with the child.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 13/11/2024 10:41

IVFmumoftwo · 13/11/2024 10:33

If she doesn't have a job UC won't pay towards the fees.

She does work

yorktown · 13/11/2024 10:44

Have you complained that your child is being pushed and hit by the manager's child?
I'd rather the less challenging environment than be dealing with that.

Pay up and find a new nursery.